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My husband is so wonderful most of the time, and so horrendously mean and violent sometimes. I don’t want to end the relationship because he is loving. But then also not.
If I annoy him, sometimes he’s fine and we brush it off. But sometimes out of nowhere he will scream at me, and hit me, sometimes while I’m breastfeeding our baby. And what’s worse than the hitting he calls me names and picks out things that he knows I’m vulnerable about and tries to make me feel as awful as possible. When I cry he says he’ll hit me unless I stop crying. He says he’ll hit me unless I apologise. I try to run to his parents, who we live with and are wonderful, or scream so they hear. And he won’t let me run away, and he covers my mouth and has really hurt my mouth before trying to stop me. My left arm is covered in bruises. All of my glasses are ruined from how often he hits me.
But then I always give in and apologize, and sometimes he cries and then he’ll hug me and tell me he doesn’t want to hit me but I make him.
I realise I’m sometime annoying or grumpy or even sometimes unpleasant. But I never deliberately hurt him, and never ever physically . But he makes me feel like I’m responsible for all our problems. We don’t even argue anymore, he just gets annoyed at something I do and rants at me, and often hits me,until I beg him to forgive me.
I really love him, and he is really a great person when he’s not in his crazy aggressive mood. I’m trying to change to stop upsetting him so everything will be perfect like before but whatever I do he always seems to get annoyed.
Yesterday he promised me he will never hit me again. I let him know that unless he stops hitting me I will leave him, and I think he has taken it onboard. Is it worth keeping going in the hope he really will stop? Do I deserve it? Sometimes I think I do… -
Please, please , please leave him. I know you love him and it’ll hurt to leave him but you are in danger when you’re with him. Plus you need to keep your baby safe. I’m sure you feel he’d never intentionally hurt your child, but by hurting you he’s hurting you both.
His abusive of you is NOT your fault. Nothing you have done has caused this and nothing you can do will make it stop. I’m sorry to be blunt, but it’ll get worse and your child needs you to be safe and we’ll do you can look after him/her.Keep posting, we’re all here for you xxxxx
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RedKite, you deserve better than this. You and your baby deserve to be safe and loved and protected all the time. He feels wonderful most of the time because that looks and feels so much better than his abuse. But really good, kind, loving people never ever abuse you or act violently towards you and put you and your baby in danger. Please get help to get out, you don’t know where it could end up – if something truly awful happened to you and your baby, it would break your heart. You are not responsible for someone else’s violence or cruelty, never ever – he is the one doing it. We can’t control anyone else, you DO NOT DESERVE it and it will never get better. We are here for you x
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RedKiteTail. You cannot see the truth. Your heart will not let you. You are bonded to him because, from time to time, he is kind and loving and you grasp into that and believe that everything has changed and everything will be Ok now. But it won’t. You are, like many of us have been, held captive by this belief. For you and for your child, you need to take action. Please find a telephone number of your local Victim Support office and talk this over with them. They will understand everything you say to them. One of the things I’ve learned about abusers is that they all seem to have read the same ‘abusers handbook’ they all do the same things. Your story is very very familiar to anyone who knows about or who has been a victim of abuse. This is not just about you any more. This is about your child. You have to take some action even if it’s just talking to your doctor, district nurse, social worker, domestic violence unit or victim support.
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Agree with the others.
The good news is – babies are at the age when they are still portable. If you know what I mean.
And the fact you are breastfeeding means wherever you go at the moment there won’t be
bottles to clean and wash or formula to mix.I feel it is particularly awful that this happens whilst feeding. The mother child time of breastfeeding should be sacred and is so important for you to just rest and be with little one and so important for them healthwise too.
good luck
ftc
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I cried reading your post, I’m so sorry you are going through this. You and your baby deserve so much more than this. You love him, but it’s an unhealthy love. You deserve to be treated good all the time. I can’t believe he has hit you while breastfeeding, you need to get out. Call a helpline, contact the police, get family and friends around you, run in the opposite direction. And if your not yet at that point then please please please the next time this happens call for help. He may say he loves you but his actions and words in anger are not those of love. He is an abuser and I hope you realise it sooner rather than later. It will be hard to start with but honestly you can be so much happier without him. Best wishes.
SaS -
Thank you all so much for your kind messages. I remain confused. My situation is not simple, I live abroad and everyone I know in this country I know through my husband. I have two very young children, and no source of income.
And I know deep down I should leave him but I am terrified of being without him, of being alone. I feel guilty and responsible the relationship has got to this stage. I feel very lonely. I feel guilty for not leaving because of my own feelings. And part of me still believes everything is going to be ok. -
Hi RedKiteTail,
Welcome to the Forum! It must have taken a lot of courage to post so thank you for sharing with us. I am pleased you found us; I hope you find the support you are looking for here with others who understand.
I am sorry to hear about the abuse you are experiencing from your husband. It is very worrying how he is being abusive towards you when you are breast feeding your baby, this puts your baby at risk as well as you. There is never a valid reason for abuse to happen and you do not deserve to be treated this way. The only person responsible for the abuse is your husband.
You have done brilliantly to reach out for support on here and I hope you are able to continue to post to us. When you are ready there is information and support available for those abroad via this website:
http://www.hotpeachpages.netPlease do keep posting, we are here for you.
Best wishes,
Lisa
Forum Moderator
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