10th January 2016 at 4:57 pm #7421pixiedustParticipant
Hi I’m new here and feel silly I been with my husband for (removed by moderator) in the beginning he was the model bf loving affectionate etc then his rages started! He’s never hit me but screams insults me calls ne all the names under the sun. We have a little girl who’s 3 too. When he gets in his rage he smashes things I mine my phone twice! He’s pushed my but says its my fault I walked into him! Don’t know what to do!
10th January 2016 at 6:16 pm #7428SerenityParticipant
Whatever his argument with you, smashing a phone is abuse- destroying of property, and smacks of lack of self- control and abuse.
All our abusers seemed perfect at the beginning. How else would they have hooked us in?
You aren’t alone. Keep posting here and I am sure you will get loads of support. X
10th January 2016 at 6:38 pm #7434KIP.Participant
Please don’t feel silly. This is exactly how it all starts. Can you contact your local women’s aid. You will find a helpline number on here. He is scaring you and that’s not normal. He knows exactly what he is doing. How come he never smashes his own phone. He will try to confuse you by blatantly lying to your face, it’s designed to cause confusion. Google ‘gas lighting’ in domestic abuse. Please contact your local women’s aid. Abuse only gets worse and your young daughter doesn’t need to see this❤️
10th January 2016 at 8:03 pm #7449Falling SkysParticipant
Well done for recognising what he’s doing is wrong. It so hard to believe that anyone would do these things on purpose but its all very calculating and contrived.
Said to say he will only get worse, get advice and get free xx
10th January 2016 at 9:13 pm #7455Confused123Participant
Welcome to this site which is like a blesssing in disguise, please dont feel silly as kip said this is how they all begin, no one has right to scream and timidate us and build fear in us, my ex too started of by just name calling me every name under the sun, then slowly they isolate you, they take our voice away from us by scaring us by smashing things , saying things like you banged into him so its your fault again is to take blame of him and make you question yourself, gosh do these men love breaking our self esteem. Please call womens aid and see if a support worker can be allocated to you, please dont let him know you are getting help or thinking of leaving him, he will become mr nice and say u r exgeraating . WHen we are effected by abuse it actually shuts down our brain, we know its wrong what is happening but they tell us it is ok, at times like this u need the right support , some one to confirm what is happening is wrong and not acceptable. Im so proud of u hun that you recognise it is wrong and found this site, please get out safely with your daughter, you dont need to take his guilt on , they will try every trick that the child needs both parents, your taking the child away from them, you can work this through, they dont change hun as much as we want them to they just break us and the kids r effected too, stop this cycle now , us laides have to start getting out, as some one who has been abused for (removed by moderator) i regret the emotional damage it has done to my kids everyday
10th January 2016 at 10:45 pm #7475LisaMain Moderator
Don’t feel silly pixiedust, you are right to have come on this forum, from what you have described you are definitely suffering domestic abuse. Your partner is making you question what is happening by trying to turn the blame around on you. Oh course he was the modal boyfriend at the beginning, he needed to hook you in.
It’s great that you have come on here to talk about what is happening, it shows you want to make a change and are starting to accept that what your partner is doing is wrong. I think a good first step is to contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. They have profesional workers who are trained in domestic abuse and just to have an initial first conversation with someone might help you realise a bit more your situation and your options.
Coming on here and posting is a great first step. I can see that you have already had some great information and support. Welcome to the forum!
11th January 2016 at 3:30 pm #7521pixiedustParticipant
Hi thanks ladies I have so isolated as haven’t spoken to anyone about my situation I have no family around me as I live in a different area! So It flared up again yesterday his moods are becoming more frequent and the name calling is getting worse my self esteem is at its lowest I feel so down and alone
11th January 2016 at 5:27 pm #7525MaggieParticipant
You have made the first step in realising whats hes doing, its hard no to feel down and alone, your not alone you have all of us to talk to, speak to womens aid they are lovely they offer tea, a hug and all the support you could ever dream of to get you on the road to recovery, but dont stay because it will get worse, i hope you are ok thinking of you x
11th January 2016 at 7:05 pm #7533Confused123Participant
Feel free to post on here then we can guide you further, please dont feel u r alone
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