Confused

[Kindheart123]

I came out of a (detail removed by moderator) relationship (detail removed by moderator) this boy used to call me fat, say that I made no effort with my appearance because I would go to his house without makeup on, called me a b***h, a p***k etc. He told me that I looked like I was asking for it when I wore a low cut top and that I shouldn’t wear them when I wasn’t indoors or without him, he broke up with me because I went on holiday with my friends and taunted me the whole time to the point they had to intervene, he spread lies about me, told me I couldn’t trust my friends and told me I should have had an abortion when I was pregnant and told people that that’s what I had done. He cheated on me when my grandfather passed away and was so hot and cold that I had, had enough and decided I was miserable and couldn’t take anymore. Obviously there are other little things that he would do like not text me back for hours, constantly ask for money and complain when I asked for it back (even when he owed me detail removed by moderator) but is this emotional abuse, I have felt so confused by it and don’t want to look stupid asking for help if I am being dramatic. I have felt so down recently I just need some reassurance that, that isn’t normal.

[KIP.]

What you suffered is horrid abuse and the fact that you’re confused is what happens when we have been abused. Abuse slowly creeps up on us, it might even feel normal to us eventually because it’s what we live. I always think to myself when I’m confused, would I treat someone this way. Well, no I wouldn’t and I don’t deserve to be treated this way either. Most of us on here have been through everything you have. Abusers very often use the same tactics. Please ring the helpline or chat to your local women’s aid. Abuse can leave us feeling low and depressed. It’s good to talk to someone who understands. Perhaps chat to your GP and get some counselling. Your self esteem and confidence gets knocked and needs to be built back up. Absolutely zero contact with him and block him on all social media. In fact it’s best to come off all social media for a while. Expect him to discredit you so that when his abuse is exposed he feels he’s got the upper hand. You are not being dramatic. Please ask for help. The helpline are great. Nobody should be treated the way he treated you. You deserve so much more x keep posting and reading other posts to see how we all suffer from these relationships.

[Kindheart123]

Thank you so much I really appreciate this. I have blocked and deleted his number already, I have got rid of him and his family on social media and I’m trying to move on now, I’ve been talking to some of my friends but I always feel like I’m pestering and talking about the same thing over again, I struggle opening up so this was a massive thing for me hence why I’ve waited a few months. I think I was overwhelmed by his actions and that’s why I have struggled to process it as abuse.
I will take everything you said on board thank you for helping me x

[diymum@1]

abusive people lie so everything he has said to you is not true. you can never trust an abusers opinion off you but they do try to condition us very slowly thats why your now in doubt dont be. there is beauty in every one dont let him take you down. you will make sense off this – have you read why does he do that? its on pdf xx

[Kindheart123]

No I haven’t I will have a look for it thank you, I try and be positive and remember that his words are the words of someone who wanted to hurt me, but after hearing it so much you do start to believe it, I just need to remain positive and keep trying, thank you for your help

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