Confused about my emotions

[newstart2021]

I moved out of my house earlier this year because of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. We weren’t in a relationship any longer and didn’t live together but for (detail removed by Moderator) years I’d been trying to get him to leave me alone, tried everything but he would constantly text, phone and turn up at the door going from being nice to being verbally abusive and physically aggressive. I was so scared of him, he attacked me several times – the last time I was terrified, I really believed he was going to kill me that night which is when I made the decision to move. As long as he knew where I was I would never be free of him or feel safe in my own home.
He didn’t realise until a few weeks after I’d left that I’d gone and just like that the texts, the calls have stopped. Don’t misunderstand me, I couldn’t be happier. I’m free, safe and starting to remember what it’s like to not have to live in constant fear, constant. But I’m so angry now that he’s proved he could just switch it off, just like that. I mean, yes, I had to move for that but he made my life a living hell for (detail removed by Moderator) years and it appears he had total control over that. Clearly could have stopped whenever he wanted. Why do I feel like this? I’ve read the Lundy Bancroft book and have such a good understanding of it all, but this? I genuinely never want to see or hear from him again and yet I’m p****d off that he’s stopped? I can’t make sense of my feelings right now. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated

[Darcy]

Hi my beautiful angel … newstart2021,
Well done for getting away from your ex … it sounds like you have been through a lot so be kind to yourself and be your own best friend
To be honest I would now focus your energy on yourself instead of trying to dissect his behaviour, you will never fully understand anyone else but you do have half a chance of trying to understand yourself and how you fitted into the relationship
There is a short book on audible by Rhonda Findling called Don’t Text That Man … its only about 2.5 hours long but really is quite informative, on different types of men and their behaviours so might give you a little insight
But maybe ask yourself what is missing in you or needs love and attention in you that you were trying to get from him… it is a journey my darling
Stay connected
Sending you love and support
Darcy

[newstart2021]

Thank you, you are so right and I really needed to hear that. I will look that book up for sure. Strangely, once I’d posted on here and got the thoughts of my head my mind calmed down a lot. Again thank you x

[KIP.]

Healing from hidden abuse is a good book that takes you through the stages of recovery. In the anger phase when you begin to realise just how much he has lied and gaslighted and deliberately hurt you. I remember that lightbulb moment and I was furious. I always thought it was my fault. But when I talked to WA and they said why does he only abuse you in private, meaning he could control it when he wanted. Then I blamed alcohol and she said well may men drink alcohol and don’t abuse their partner. The penny dropped and I was furious. I’d been conned and hoodwinked and I felt gutted. Good riddance to bad rubbish x

[newstart2021]

Thank you – you are right is that lightbulb moment! I was struggling so much to make sense of it. Knowing you’re not alone in these emotions and the whole journey is such an important part of the process of healing I realise now. Thank you x

[Empoweredhealing]

Hi, your emotions are totally normal. Of course you would be angry after someone abused you for years and then moved on seemingly unscathed.
It’s a sign that the wound still need to heal. Love, validate and take care of yourself through these emotions. Eventually, you’ll find that you don’t care what he does or feels. You have simply moved on.

[newstart2021]

Thank you, words I needed to hear x

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