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To me my life seems normal, what goes on seems normal, but some online friends of mine are stating in no way is it normal and I need to get out, I think I need non biased advise, from people who don’t know me, this may be long bare with me!
Don’t know how to word this so hope this makes sense?(detail removed by moderator) I met my husband, we fell in love or so I thought
-due to be married (detail removed by moderator), just days before the wedding I found him heavily flirting with another women, including online sex, he gave me b******t reasons, I forgave and we married
-(detail removed by moderator) pregnant with our first child, email from a women stating he had been mailing her and flirting heavily, I questioned, forgave we moved on
repeat this over and over, the flirting not the pregnancy!! When times got hard he turned to women for comfort, he finally admitted this to me
– (detail removed by moderator), he turned to an X and informed her that if he had had his way he would have married her as she was his idea of a perfect women, on asking him, he claimed he did it to make her feel better, or something
-flirting continues, It hurts but I love this d****s and turned a blind eye to it all
– (detail removed by moderator), a so called mate of his (detail removed by moderator) (by now (detail removed by moderator) of them)forces me into a very uncomfortable situation which turns to rape, I freak out, try and pretend it never happened.
-Until it happened again, I got mental at the bloke, and he leaves me alone, it never happened again
-around this time I find my husband talking to women again, joining FB dating groups etc, he claims he was just looking for friends, I stupidly turned to a different bloke asking for advice,saying why would men do this, help!
-bloke I turned to was in my eyes a friend, gave advice, helped out and supported, we met for a coffee
-My husband immediately starts accusing me of having an affair
– i wasn’t, but by then my husband was searching my phone, accused me of having an affair etc all b******t, but he wouldn’t listen
-He forced me into sex I didn’t want
– I had a massive breakdown, thing’s have been downhill since then, I am struggling daily, my past catching up with me, this, the rapes, the feeling my husband doesn’t want me
-I have taken 2 serious attempts on my life, as I simply don’t want to exist any more, my husband uses this to gain sympathy from others, telling all who will listen my story, even though he knows I don’t like my story known as I can be a very private women
– He has still turned to women for support, but he doesn’t know I know
-he has threatened me (detail removed by moderator), he was drunk, doesn’t remember it apparently
-he ignores emails from men offering advice but answers all women
-when I was on a bridge (detail removed by moderator) about to end it, he mailed women, but ignored the men, men who offered to be in person with him to help him, but he claimed to women he had no one
he said to someone a few short day’s ago, that it’s fine for him to flirt and acceptable as apparently he now thinks I asked to be raped, apparently i wanted this person and asked for it to happen
One night (detail removed by moderator), he was mailing (detail removed by moderator) stating, she wasn’t a bad sight with wet hair, then went onto ask something about him being a fat ugly f**k, yes hes over weight but I don’t see him as ugly or fat and I tell him constantly, but he needed approval from this women
– Just around (detail removed by moderator) ago, he got very drunk and flipped it, threatening, nasty saying some very hurtful thing’s, he pinned me in a corner refusing to let me move, I started screaming, when i get scared flight or fight kicks in, my fight is pure anger so I got s****y. Suddenly he left me and went to bed, I was downstairs trying not to have a panic attack, next think I knew the police were knocking at the door, as neighbours had reported a fight, He came downstairs and was all nicey nice to the police making out it was all my fault, and that he had done nothing wrong.
(detail removed by moderator) he promised he would never drink again, this lasted (detail removed by moderator) days, he still drinks but never gets drunk.We have (detail removed by moderator) children, we have social services involved due to my mental health, I am deemed unfit to parent so if I chose to leave then I have to leave my children behind, I am prepared to do this if it came down to it, but then I question when he’s so nice to me at time;s, that maybe I am the cause of the problems, and I have made him feel unwanted and unloved hence his need to do what he does and maybe I should go, but I have no where to go.
Either way
I am so confused, is this normal of a man? He often tells me he adores me and couldn’t live without me, yet if that was the case why would he do this? Is the fact I was forced into situations I didn’t want an excuse for him to do this, I have been sexually abused since I was (detail removed by moderator) yrs old, maybe I have asked for this? I don’t know, I seriously don’t know, I just know I couldn’t handle another mental breakdown for sure, but I feel I am on a route to doing this again!I have NO friends or family to turn too, like literally no one, I am alone.
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He tells you what you want to hear only AIH to reel you back in. I have to agree with your friends, he sounds a dreadful, selfish cheat. It’s a painful, volitile and difficult position to be in for sure, but my gut feeling is that you need out first. To create a safe, stress free home for yourself. Recover a bit.
You need lots of support. Call the WA helpline. It’s complex and you will need help to navigate this x
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He is a very small part of the reason why i am where I am today, I feel unloved and unwanted, he tells me he loves me and I am the best thing that has happened to him, yet I sit there listening to the words thinking, I bet he would say this to any women who was before him,as his self esteem is so low, I need to rub his ego to ensure he feels ok regardlessof how I feel its so complicated
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This is how he manipulates and controls you isnt it then aih; if underneath you feel unloved and unwanted, then all he needs to do is tell you how loved and wanted you are and it reels you back in. You are lovable and wanted, ask your kids and others – only you can’t see and feel this becasue you dnt believe it yourself; bet he also twists the knife with this as well doesnt he, says no one else will ever love you etc – messes with your head and emotions for sure. You could get some counselling for this, if you could get to a place where you didnt need his validations, felt I am lovable and wanted, I like me, dont need him – then he couldnt control you here. I used to feel the way you do years ago – nowadays I’m cmfrtable in my own skin and have learnt the only person I really need is me and those who love and accept me – the rest can take a hike x
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This is not a healthy relationship..He is being really nasty and it seems like what you are going through is torture..
The only person that is going to help you IS YOU. Don’t let him manipulate you like this. Stand strong, protect your children, don’t given anyone any reason to attack you.
He’s an abuser, end of. A weak coward who chooses to pick on your vulnerability
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