Confused – as usual :(

[Anonymous]

Argh there’s no real reason for me posting other than just getting it down and out there I guess. I’m sorry to be repetitive and I know I sound stupid but I’m just so tired of my own thoughts.

I’d been feeling more defiant and a bit more confident (detail removed by moderator) I’ve started to make more effort on how I look of just how I speak I’m not pandering to what he wants and I was convinced his behaviour was so fitting an abuser and not just temper or aggression from reading the books recommended but instead of upping his anger or hurting me in the face of me past caring he’s looking at me different. Like he did at the atart years ago almost. He is being nice but not in the obvious cycle I’m sorry etc way. Like he doesn’t know how to act and he keeps looking at me in the softer wanting way and just saying you know I love you randomly you look great- etc etc. And this time I’ve started to just say thanks rather than shy away and he seems a bit surprised but didn’t get angry . So I guess I’m confused cus in the face of me not being my usual pandering cooking for him and running around say sorry self he hasn’t tried to make just seems to be happier . Perhaps I’d lost confidence and he got fed up .

I don’t think what I’m writing is making much sense ahh

[Lisa]

Hi Anonon,

It sounds like you are feeling very confused at the moment. Perpetrators of domestic abuse want you to feel confused so that you let your guard down. When they are nice this is also part of the cycle of abuse. You know what you have been through and how he has been treating you.

If you haven’t already you could call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. They won’t tell you what to do but they can talk things through.

You could also access support from your local domestic abuse service. Some local services also offer counselling or coffee mornings with other survivors.

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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