Viewing 22 reply threads
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    • #60114
      Trapped.
      Participant

      Hi lovely ladies.

      So I’m feeling pretty confused and emotionally drained. I’ve just realised my husband has been abusing me.

      He found outbid cheated (of course wasn’t the right thing to do at all) and he got physically, mentally and emotionally abusive. Now I feel trapped.

      He monitors my every move now. Who I’m talking to act. Just without being on my phone.

      Sex I just feel like I have to do. I’m scared of how he will react to things now. I find myself begging him to stop arguing with me in fear or what might happen.

      We recently had to move house so he can try and forget what I’ve done. But now I have no one 🙁

    • #60120

      hello t.
      please phone women’s aid.
      bear in mind that there is no excuse for abuse, and ok cheating wasn’t a brilliant thing to do,
      but nonetheless human and understandable.
      safety first. take care
      ftc
      x

    • #60122
      Trapped.
      Participant

      Thank you so much for such a quick reply.
      I’m just really struggling with no one to talk yo. Feel like I’m living my life walking on egg shells. There’s kids involved too.

      I’ve rang woman’s aid and they want me to go there but it’s finding an excuse to get out and go there.

      He isn’t exactly abusive Now.. he’s being pretty lovely. Except for when we row I feel anxious and worried 🙁

    • #60123
      Trapped.
      Participant

      If I try to leave he tells me he will kill himself

    • #60127

      ladies on here will tell you this is a common way they try to get you to stay
      find an excuse to be someone else with your kids so that you can leave
      dentist appointment? doctors appointment (for ‘women’s problems’ ? you can make it
      and show him the card and they not go…
      ftc
      x

    • #60129
      Trapped.
      Participant

      I have nowhere to go

    • #60133

      talk to women’s aid
      x

    • #60134
      Trapped.
      Participant

      Thanks hun feel so alone. It’s so hard to talk to them where he monitors me x

    • #60139
      maddog
      Participant

      Can you get a cheap burner phone? I find mine really useful. It’s horrible feeling monitored. You shouldn’t have to make excuses for going out on your own. Can you start saving a bit of your own money if you’re not already doing it?

    • #60140
      Trapped.
      Participant

      I will start trying to save my own money. But we are on benefits on a joint claim.
      I need to go to the woman’s aid centre close by but it’s so hard finding a reason. We don’t have money at the moment either so I can’t be a bus there.

    • #60154
      supersonic
      Participant

      Best thing is try to go to womens aid, he is definitely abusive. He will be sweet so that you stay, mines done this. He will threaten suicide so that you will stay. My ex threatened it and never done it so don’t listen to him, even if he did, it wouldn’t be your fault, it is his choice but I think he’s full of it. Be safe and don’t let him suspect you’re wanting out.

    • #60198

      If you can get to refuge one of the first things they will do is set you up with an independent benefits application. It will be really hard, but they should have support workers who will help you.
      And you will find that you have more energies for yourself to sort your own life out.step by step.
      I understand it is difficult to imagine that now…but I believe in you as I’m sure we all do.
      hugs
      ftc
      x

    • #60226
      Trapped.
      Participant

      I’m in refuge now ladies. He keeps texting now and calling as I’ve taken the kids when he was out. Feel awful now

    • #60230
      maddog
      Participant

      Well done you!! Whatever he does is up to him. You can’t control that. My ex is moving out of the family home soon after behaving miserably for a long long time. It was only a conversation with the police that has persuaded him and he is only moving because he is unable to keep up the Mr Nice Guy and if the mask slips he will be arrested.

      I felt c**p during the time when he was being spoken to. Something to do with the crushing reality. the betrayal of trust, the love lost…You are not alone.

    • #60277
      Trapped.
      Participant

      I feel so so alone :'(

      • #60282
        Lisa
        Main Moderator

        Hi Trapped,

        Thank you for letting us know you have left and you are safe in a refuge. It must have taken so much courage to leave- well done. It is natural to feel a whole range of emotions after leaving an abusive relationship but try to give yourself time and lean on the support around you. Are you able to block him or switch your phone off so you can have no contact? His messages will cause you more stress and upset. There were valid reasons why you left with your children, only he is responsible for his behaviour and actions. You have done the right thing to leave but it is a very difficult time for you.

        Keep posting to us when you can, we are here for you and understand what you are going through.

        Take care,

        Lisa

    • #60285
      KIP.
      Participant

      Well done. That’s a huge step nearer to keeping you and your children safe. Block his number or preferably change your number. He has had chance after chance. Now he will play mind games and act like the victim in this. It’s not your fault and he chose to behave this way. Zero contact or his mind games and manipulation will continue. The first while is incredibly painful and a huge roller coaster. I promise you once you get through this first stage, everything falls into place. The fog of abuse will start to clear and you will know he never ever cared for you. He will suck you dry like an emotional vampire until there is nothing left. Hang in there and take all the help offered. You’re stronger than you think. We all are x and be kind to yourself. Baby steps x

    • #60289

      I am so so happy that you are refuge. You are no longer trapped.
      I really feel for you in this situation as I know what it felt like for me and child in the early days.
      I repeat. There is something so joyful for me about you having left.
      I realise that is not maybe how you feel but I am so glad for you and so proud.
      all very best.
      We are not going away trapped.
      that is you are no longer trapped.
      but we will all walk with you on this journey
      well done love,
      me and my daughter are so proud of you
      all best
      ftc
      xx
      step by step eh

    • #60291

      Hope you and your children get a very nice sleep in refuge where it is hopefully peaceful and you feel safe.
      I remember all that and for the first time in years feeling as if I could sleep again.
      Well done you and your kids
      sleep tight eh
      all best from ere
      ftc
      x

    • #60295
      Trapped.
      Participant

      Thank you so much everyone for your lovely words. I truly needed to read this. My second night here. I feel so alone.

      The messages and calls have been constant and I still feel slightly trapped because he’s the children’s father so it makes me feel I can’t block him. He doesn’t know where I am.

      Keeps begging for me back and saying he will take anger management classes and marriage counselling but its to late for that it’s just horrible hearing him say the things he is. Still making it my fault as to why we ca t fix things.

      I hope it gets easier I really do. I have no family around me so it feels harder I guess and no friends know.

      Again thank you everyone, I’m proud of myself but the horrible guilt feeling is flooding me. I feel a mix of emotions and sometimes I just want to cry but I’m trying to stay strong for my babies.

    • #60296

      try to get some sleep lovelies. Look at the moon. It is actually the summer solstice this evening. Do you realise that? On this particular, magical evening women and goddesses in particular have the power to change the world. And you just changed it.

      happy solstice
      all best
      ftc
      x

    • #60298
      Trapped.
      Participant

      Happy solstice you lovely lady.

      Thank you so much for helping me x*x

    • #60300

      Pleasure lovely
      all best. Tucked up here with my babes hope you are tucked up there nicely mind x

    • #60303
      Tiffany
      Participant

      I am about a year out, and things get so much better. I felt like I had lost everything when I left, it is an incredibly tough thing to do, and the time immediately after leaving is hardest. But it is hands down the best thing I have ever done. Start by just looking after yourself. I can understand that you feel he needs a line of contact about the kids – he doesn’t deserve one, abusers don’t, but let’s face it we still keep trying to be fair – but I would definitely stop accepting his calls. That was the first step I took to cutting contact and it really helped. He wasn’t able to gaslight me in the same way when he couldn’t talk to me, and while we had to communicate by text until the legal stuff was done, which filled me with anxiety, at least I could look back at the messages and see him changing tack – sometimes love bombing, sometimes threatening, and always changing his position on things. Hopefully at some point you can get a new phone and only communicate by email, or keep the old number for him to contact you on and get a new number for everything else. But in the meantime, don’t answer calls, keep texts to factual necessities on your side (he will hopefully get bored quicker if he does get an emotional response from you) and accept that none of this is your fault.

      And do whatever nice things you can for you. Even if that is just enjoying a shower, or playing with your kids. Enjoy your safety. Stay strong.

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