Confused what to do with my life for me and my children

[Rosemary]

One of my children dont really like his dad but he tells me that he dont want his dad to be live on his own my other children feels on eggs sheels incase my partner get angry and abusive she feels scared for explain if my children are haveing a disagreement one of my children say to the other child to keep her voice down as she dont want her dad to come up stairs because she remembers when he was abusive towards her and it come back in to her mind when her dad gets abusive. My life is just a worry and also I dont now what I do with my life even thoe I now geting out would be the best option i still have my children worrying that there dad would cause more problems if we was to leave . Then my son saying he dont want his dad to live on his own but then my son dont like his dad at the same time . It is all confusing I dont want my children to be more stress out if we leave there dad I just dont now what to do for the best I now what ever I do there will be stress either way . I’ve been thinking about leaveing for a long while but things keep pulling me back to stay I take my children feelings in consideration I just want the best for my children I feel like I am fighting with my self what I mean is one day I want to leave there other days I want to stay. I am just confused of the whole situation.

[Catjam]

Hi, I would encourage you to leave. Children have the same mixed emotions as we do. I didn’t leave when mine were younger but I wish I had. They need to grow up in a positive environment and a safe one.
There are bound to be times when they find it harder especially if he suddenly turns into Mr Nice but they will soon learn the truth.

[Living Warrior]

I agree with the above, children no matter the age, need consistent, safe and happy environments to grow. I have been out few years now, and my children are primary school aged. It took me many years to leave, but now i really wish i had done it sooner. I felt like i was staying FOR my children, to keep their dad in their lives. Now with distance and a clearer head i see i was doing more harm than good, in staying there. Kids remember things, that i didnt even know they knew about.

I have done the freedom programme online course, the power to change course and support group both through women’s aid, there are alot of helpful things that shone a light on what we go through.
I am now currently reading the book “freedom’s flowers” the effects of domestic abuse on children by pat craven- who wrote “living with the dominator” which is the main focus of the courses above.
In “Freedom flowers” they have quotes and stories from various ages of children, and then from adults who suffered in a dv environment as children. It is very compelling and helpful (also sad) but if i had read this before, it definetly would of made me change my thinking on staying because kids need a dad!

now i realise the kids need a dad (if that dad can put them 1st as a parent should!) kids deserve the best! not just as and when someone can be bothered!

i hope you can work it out and get you all safe and happy. good luck

[Rosemary]

Hello Catjam

Thank you for your advice and for careing I really
Appreciate it .that is right children have mix emotions and they understand what there dad is doing he will not get any help he says that his not talk out to anyone in life he thinks it’s wrong but it’s not I do feel this is also a excuse because he said before that he dont want to talk to strangers .I gave him advice but he choice not to take it . I never dream of my relationship being like this or even thought that a man could
Treat me in this way being abusive aggressive also
He talks to me about his stress let’s it out on me there only so much I can cope with he talk to me because I am his partner I am here to listen but I cant make him better or take how he feels on to me all the time . He has me and that is all he needs to talk to me this is why he should be geting surport because I cant cope sitting here lissen to his abusive his anger or going on and on it gives me a headache i now his not going to change and I am finding hard to leave but I will get there

[Rosemary]

Thank you liveingwarror

The course sounds really positive thing to do is the course private and you can do it in your own time in your own space online? Do you have a link I can look at please I would appreciate that .

I totally agree with you if my partner wants to be a really good dad he would be one and stop makeing is all feel on egg shells and stop geting angry abusive and controlling yes he has his good days which sometimes makes me think it is a cover up to make out his kind and careing . He nows what his doing wrong because his admitted that he is by telling others his not treated me right we nealy split up years ago I always think I wish I would of left my partner back then but I was more weak then than now I am a bit more stronger. Thank you for reaching out to me and giveing me your story which helps me to .

[UkGamer]

Hey beutaful lady.. Im in the same situation as yourself.. Currently with h but confused on do i stay or do i go as i also have a child also.. I cant advices what to do as iv not managed to get away yet but all i know all there is some amaxing comments above and even though im vnew to this forum iv found it so so helpful and i know soon me and my child will be free from this abuse… Think postive stay strong

[Rosemary]

Hello lovely UkGamer

Thank you for careing it is hard to think what to
Do but I now deep down inside what I need to do I just things were not as hard as they are its horrible because I dont now if am comeing or going. Sorry to here your going thought the same thing I do feel for you it’s not nice we should live a happy life with out any anxiety or worries.

[Author]

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