27th April 2021 at 6:34 pm #125301CbertParticipant
Hi this is my first post so please bare with me.. ive been out of a (detail removed by moderator) for (detail removed by moderator) now.. and im still having difficulties getting off joint bank account even though i have nothing going in the bank and product covers etc.. my ex is just refusing to sign .. we have a mortgage together but he left me (detail removed by moderator) after getting the mortgage taking all the excess money with him..and he doesnt pay the mortgage..
Its only been while ive been trying to get out of the bank account etc that i realised how controlling he was.. and still is.. regarding these issues ..childcontact.. still not collecting (detail removed by moderator) etc..its like the pennies just dropped and they keep dropping and im remembering things he has done or made me do or not do and im feeling angry, suffocated confused and oh so exhausted.. how do i cope with these feelings ? How do i find me ? He was never physically violent always nice and had my best interests at heart.. how do i make sense of it all.. sorry for long post just feeling lost vulnerable and confused.. thankyou.
27th April 2021 at 7:33 pm #125305BettertimesaheadParticipant
I came off a joint account with my husband.Bank says at first they needed his permission but I said I couldn’t get it as it had been an abusive relationship and I had no contact etc. They had to speak to someone higher but then did it there and then. Worth trying
27th April 2021 at 7:35 pm #125306DarcyParticipant
Hi beautiful Angel… Cbert,
Well done for posting it can be a big part of starting to heal.
I am so saddened to hear that you are suffering all these years later.
With the financial stuff I will leave that to one of the other ladies as they will probably have better advice than me.
However I can relate to you saying … how do I find me and cope with these feelings. This is something that I think alot of abused women feel.
First of all, feel the feelings, we so often burry them so far down and when they bubble up again we push them down again and they never get released… so start to feel them and then let them go, forgiving yourself or him where you need to. This won’t be easy so make sure you are in a safe and loving space to do this and allow the tears, anger, frustration… whatever it is to come.
I also recommend reading or listening to Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life… this will start to help you, to find you. Also do some research on abuse, so you can understand how abuse can occur and common traits of it. This will release alot of the feelings that it was your fault.
You have suffered a great deal so you need to be your own best friend and take things one day at a time.
Use the forum for support and know that you are not alone
Sending you continued love and support
27th April 2021 at 7:48 pm #125307KIP.Participant
‘Surviving economic abuse’ have a great website. Also get in touch with your local women’s aid for advice and support x
27th April 2021 at 8:00 pm #125308CbertParticipant
Thankyou all do much for your replies..i willlook onto everything u have suggested.. thankyou
27th April 2021 at 9:13 pm #125311gettingtiredParticipant
Someone told me on here that you can ask the bank to speak to whichever department deals with vulnerable customers (being a victim of domestic abuse). Hopefully they can help you.
Please don’t think things weren’t as bad for you because he wasn’t physically violent. I have experienced both and in my experience the mental abuse is much worse (not to undermine physical abuse as obviously it’s very, very wrong and dangerous). Perhaps counselling with someone trained on domestic abuse might help you. I’m going to look into getting some too. Take care xx
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