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    • #145791
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I’m starting to consider leaving now more than I ever have before. I’m just so totally exhausted with him and am running out of energy. All I do is work and then base any other spare time around him and what he wants us to do. I have no hobbies, I barely have any friends left but don’t even see the ones I do have anyway, I’m constantly exhausted cleaning up after him and stressing about the state of the house (which becomes absolutely disgusting as soon as I’m away) then I’m pretty much tired just from doing nothing anyway because my mind is exhausted from all the rumination and anxiety. Not to mention how emotionally beaten down I feel constantly being told how unpleasant, boring, horrible and selfish I am (to name a few). The problem is I’m so exhausted now that I don’t feel I have the energy to leave because I know that will be another enormous battle. I did actually even briefly contemplate leaving this morning but I genuinely feel so exhausted, even just waking up in the morning after having plenty of sleep! I just don’t have the energy. Is this normal? Has anyone else actually felt too fatigued to even leave? Or am I just making excuses for myself?

      My main fear now is the aftermath though and what he may do. I know there will be suicide threats, I know he will completely trash my name to anyone we both know, I know his family will be furious with me, I know there will be multiple threats of taking me to court for made up money etc. I’m more scared of him turning up at places though. Like I know I’ll have to inform my work of the situation and then probably sign myself off work as I won’t be able to cope with the stress initially. Has anyone else had to get signed off work themselves because of this reason? I really wouldn’t want to but I think I’d be a nervous wreck at first, until I know roughly how he’s going to react about it all. I’m very private and don’t like discussing my personal life with anyone (for obvious reasons) but I know getting signed off will make colleagues wonder. I suppose I could ask management to make another story up to tell colleagues. Btw, I know that it’s confidential and they can’t tell anyone anyway but I feel like not saying anything makes it sound more intriguing to people so would rather another story was given. As you can probably tell, I’m still quite pre-occupied with what other people will think of me or how they’ll judge/treat me but it’s difficult not to when you’re a serial people pleaser!

      There’s a date coming up soon where he’ll be away but it’s a few (detail removed by Moderator) away still and his family are trying to push me into a (detail removed by Moderator). I’m worried I won’t be able to put it off for long enough and WWW3 will erupt if I refuse to sign.
      I’m also going to have to take our pet (he doesn’t look after it as well as I do and has made threats against it before to control me) so unfortunately I cannot trust what he would do. I feel really terrible and guilty about this but he’s kind of left me with no other option?
      Also, I think there’s a chance I may have to inform police or apply for a non-molestation order but again, I’m really scared of involving them because of all the terrible stories I’ve read on here of how unsupportive they’ve been. I may not have to but his behaviour is so erratic at times that I don’t trust what he may or may not do.

      I’m just trying to think of all my options and plan ahead but my anxiety makes things so much worse as I start to predict future conversations or scenarios that haven’t even happened yet and start to panic. Then I freeze!

      Has anyone ever felt like this before or am I overthinking everything way too much? X

    • #145796
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      Oh my friend there will always be obsticles always a reason not to go sweetie theres never ginna be a right time is there you know that.
      You are the strongest now ive known you to be you got it there within you its there you just gotta dig deep.
      You know how i feel my lovley friend its time to go. And if it doesnt work you know what, you re assess and think and try again amd again amd again until one day it will stick and you will be gone for good. Theres no harm in trying and failing and trying again but staying will harm you and you know that now. Xxxxx

    • #145815
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      This is how I felt at the end, but woah slow down you don’t have to answer all those questions at once. First priority is YOUR safety.

      If his family or joint friends turn against you, so be it, be grateful they showed their true colours.

      Work wise, I carried on working throughout but with hindsight I can now see I was no where near firing on all cylinders. Do you have a good relationship with your manager and can talk to them? You don’t need to disclose all the details you could just say it’s a relationship breakdown to them or your colleagues.

      Look at the circles of influence, there’s 3 circles – 1 where you can control things, 2nd where you can influence but can’t control and 3rd is out of your control. Put what you can in pot 3 and don’t waste any energy on it. You need all you got for focusing on you.

      Remember you don’t have to do this alone. I know it’s hard. We’ve lived in survival mode for so long, kept our struggles hidden but there’s help out there. Imagine a quiet home, a weekend to do as you please, cleaning your house and it still being clean the next morning, no name calling, no fearing your phone. He’ll be unhappy whether you stay or go, time to do what makes YOU happy. Break all this down into manageable steps. You can do this x

    • #145818
      Bettertimesahead
      Participant

      I had (removed by moderator) months off work, my marriage ended v suddenly and with police involvement so matters were really taken out of my hands. I told work my marriage had been abusive and ended. I had good support and I was pleased they knew as there were more incidents. Ncdv helped me get a non molestation order. To mutual friends etc I was and still am to some extent careful what I said. Just said he’d made some very unfortunate life choices and we were separated.

    • #145832
      Hazydayz
      Participant

      Hey lovelie, didn’t see this! This is…Just like me! But it’s you! So Sorry your day was bad! Had another bad start! And your feeling desperate.
      Easy for me to say… try not to worry? But easier to say… Do what feels instinctively right for you! You already know! Hopefully! You will! You Do what’s best for you! & Your pet! Don’t feel guilty about him! Or his! Them! Unconditional Support! That’s the keyword now I think! Somewhere to go next is vital isn’t it, where you can guarantee you’ll find support! Time to tell is it? You know who they are, remember?
      Sorry!…I Forgot to reply to the mention of his threats? The affect on you! His threats sound just like…someone else’s I Know!
      But, just try to remember…his threats are designed to immobilise! For you! they are arn’t they? Due to fear of the unknown. I know how that feels too. Thinking of you💕

    • #145834
      Hazydayz
      Participant

      I’m Guilty! I didn’t say… I too am feeling Immobilised
      💞

    • #145858
      disorganised
      Participant

      Dear @gettingtired, I don’t have any useful advice, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I feel exactly the same at the moment. Completely frozen, unable to confront my situation and too tired to leave. I am sending you lots of hugs.

    • #145835
      Hazydayz
      Participant

      👍

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