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    • #91599
      Woollymammal
      Participant

      Hi All,

      Not long till I go, obviously getting more stressed as time gets nearer..
      I am still doubting myself, Mr nice guy mixed with abuse, of course I realised the niceness is he wants a cuddle tonight, which means he wants sex..I’ve told him over and over, my mind is not in a place where I want too..But he just turns it round like ” if he didn’t say he loved me , I wouldn’t say it back”..
      Anyway he’s not going to be happy.. but I don’t care..
      He drove me and my girls somewhere today.. Mr nice guy always around them, and they love him..
      Makes me feel bad then about leaving..
      But then he’s back to himself getting bk home, ignoring me if I talk.. or just Hmmmm..

      X*x

    • #91603
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Great to read you can recognise the cycle so clearly woolly!

      Just one thing though, you have nothing to feel bad about re leaving, its the only, best and right thing to do and none of this is your doing – its him who should be feeling bad about how he’s behaved. You may be leaving but its been his behaviour that destroyed the relationship – you never signed up for the abuse, your commitment to him ended the very first time he abused you. A man cant keep his family together if he is not a loving husband also, the two go hand in hand, he can be a loving single parent though if he chooses xx

    • #91613
      KIP.
      Participant

      I used to get told the same thing about how I didn’t tell him I loved him. Well no wonder. I didn’t love him. Why would I say so. Yet after he said this I began to say it more just to keep the peace. I also got told I didn’t jump up and give him a kiss when he came in from work. its nonsense they make up just to have an excuse to be miserable. I didn’t want to have sex either. Why would I want to have sex with someone who was cruel and abusive to me. My skin would crawl but I was frightened of the consequences of not. It’s a sad dysfunctional destructive way to live. I do think once you leave then his children will see his real self as he won’t have you to dump all his c**p on and these men need an outlet for that. I believe that’s also why my kids blamed me. They didn’t want to have to deal with him and his moods. You need to put yourself first. It’s normal to be anxious and if you feel ready to go sooner, my advice is to go.

    • #91649
      Woollymammal
      Participant

      Hi Fizzylem and kip thank you for your replies, they aren’t his children, but they see the Mr nice, even though my 1 daughter was there when he strangled me..
      But I’ve learned that I am the one who lives with him, as soon as he’s not with him he’s back to abuse..
      You know I’ve got to the point where I can’t wait to go.. I’m going in a couple of days as I know he’s working far away and he’ll be gone all day..
      I’ve got different stuff all over the place, my sister’s, my mom’s, the last 2 days, I’ve be at caught him actually looking at my phone..
      I’ll be sleeping on the floor when I go but hey, I soon have a mattress.. no fridge, no cooker and no kettle, but all I can think of is getting out..
      X*x

    • #91650
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hold onto that feeling. You have the rest of your life for material things, to build up your own little safe home. I bought some stuff from charity shops. It can be fun too. Take the kettle with you when you go. Let him go buy another one. Same for anything else you can take when he’s out. Use that money for something for you x

    • #91655
      Escapee
      Participant

      Good luck Woolly 💕

      And I agree with KIP – take the flipping kettle, mugs and whatever else you need to see you through those first few days. Oh and the duvet!

      Thinking of you x*x

    • #91697
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi, Woolly, you’re nearly there, you’re doing so well. I took all my own personal things, duvets,bedding,towels crockery,cutlery, ornaments. All the little stuff that I bought over the years. With the help of WA I’ll get there with the rest. I’ve a wee nest egg building up while I’m in refuge, so will be able to buy a new bed, suite etc. Been looking at the charity shops and in the antique places. Don’t care how long it takes, but my place will be mine, decorated and furnished how I like it, not him. I’ve nearly got my own place, classed as a priority now. I’m safe and happy in my wee flat, I’ve had a good few months to see how I am on my own and I like it verra much😊
      Keep us posted,it’ll be a huge transition, your thoughts and feelings will be everywhere. I couldn’t believe the difference in me in less than a week. I’m far from normal, but I’m getting there. I didn’t realise how capable I am, how strong I am emotionally, how much people actually like me.
      Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

    • #91738
      Woollymammal
      Participant

      Hi IWB, well I was supposed to be going tomorrow, someone was getting some stuff I’d left at my sister’s tonight but can’t and I have got to get some bits I haven’t had chance to get.. if i coukd walk out with my animals it woukd be easier..
      I’m not backing out though, I feel sick to my stomach.. anxious and scared..Of course Mr nice guy is here so making me feel worse..
      Xxxx

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