copign with the kids

[Confused123]

Hey Ladies

I know im x years out and even though divorce is still ongoing , heree i ma again asking for support. Things seem to be ok most days which is good, boys are building better their relationship but then seem to swing back and forward in their progress. Boys have said to me dont get upset when we play fight even though tends to end with someone getting upset notrmally youngest. Not sure how to handle this, tend to leave them to it, but when youngest say his hurt or can see fight escalating i interact and try to split them both up. This is when they choose to ignore me and continue, i honestly have no energy left splitting them up as they are both strong lads but geet there eventually with all of us ending up upset , well def me and my youngest are, eldest argues point that if he hits me his going to get hit back harder regardless, yooungest points out if he hits me and annoys me im going to hit too, have told them to use their mouth and this is a long time issue they have to find another strategy too, but to be honest when they verbally speak they can be very hurtful to each another.

I am lucky when they need to be apart i can send my youngrest only to my parents house who live close by, but not eldest as he smokes and they dont like him smoking in house. I told my youngest while my eldest has (detail removed by Moderator), his mood is going to be unpredicatable and its better if he stays with my parents for few weeks so his not effcted as is studying for (detail removed by Moderator). Even though he agrees his made me feel as if i am favourtising the eldest by letting him stay with me and not him, but doesnt seem to understand i have no where else to send eldest where with youngest i havee the opttion of my parent house.

Again i feel as if im not protecting my youngest, i feel trap between my both sons some days, i feel i have duty towards both them, last night i just cooked dinner, had shower and went straight to bed at 8pm , thats how shattered i was …. any advice , greatly appreciated, i cant let these kids get me down as have to be strong to work and support me and kids financially

[Confused123]

Oh and i’ve also stupidily decided to unblock ex on my phone, he hasnt phoned me which is good, but i seem to be obessed with what if i block him and i miss an important message from him, i know deep down nothing he says has any value, so why would that message be important, his told me he doesnt want to know about (detail removed by Moderator), so why can i not keep with blocking him , i have accepted eldeest will keep in touch with his dad on and off randomly thorugh out hte year, i knew eldest was thinking of meeting up with his dad so when ex left v mail that eldest had and i didnt even know had stayed with him for two days did p**s me off to max but i accepted and told my son that was fine if he wanted to , didnt have to hide from me as his dad had informed me, he replied visiited him but didint stay , i can only presume he didnt want to hurt my feelings so didnt mention it, i just said it ok to keep in touch with his dad if u want, ……i had so much pressure on my head with divorce proceedings, i think im just having a burn out….

[Suntree]

It seems to me that your eldest doesn’t know when “play fighting” stops and wen it becomes more than that.
It also seems to me that he is causing the shots over both you and your youngest.

I have put down a rule in our house even with my new partner that play fighting isn’t allowed at all. Because they, even the adult, do not know when it stops from play fighting to hurting the other one.

It was not an easy thing to do and a lot of discussion and interaction had to happen to reduce it to what it is.

I had to deal with “you’re over sensitive”, “it’s only a bit of fun”, “they have to learn some way”.

All typical and pout of date responses.

Funny how it was always play fighting until they got hurt….

I am still working on respect to each other. Especially on the big one to the kids, who seems to have a bit of a block on when it comes to “I want to play fight with them to bond…” attitude at times.

If someone asks the other to STOP, or tells them that they are hurting them , then the other should STOP. at the same time the one who said it should not then use that to get back at the other.

We still have rough and tumble. We box on the games consoles.

What has helped as well is using their interest spot on how to channel behavior.

AS for unblocking his number, block him for your peace of mind and believe me if people want to get hold of you for an emergency they will. They could do it before mobile phones or even landlines they can still do it.

[Confused123]

Thxs so much sun tree , I so needed to hear that , your tips were spot on , will have word with both boys and enforce and block ex , sending u love xx

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