Coping isn't living

[KIP.]

I think Bridget mentioned this in one of her posts and I wanted to re post as i think it sums up the decades I spent living with an abuser. I coped through depression, anxiety, cognitive dissonance, minimising abuse, accepting blame for the abuse, staying in the house because I was too fearful to leave, rushing back to the house when I had panic attacks, making excuses when I was too exhausted by his abuse to attend family events, hiding his abuse from my family, pretending to be happy when I was suicidal, praying he would die on one of his mountain trips and set me free.
I coped, I didn’t live. Now I’m living…….😃

[Healthyarchive]

Exactly, I agree with you 100% KIP. All of my adult life has been characterized by one man involvement after another. None of them were truly happy & a fair few were abusive. Not one week in the past (detail removed by Moderator), aside from the past (detail removed by Moderator), have I been without a mans presence somewhere. This was accompanied by insecurity, trying to keep myself slim attractive & desirable and not being myself. In fact my whole existence has been a lie to myself for the past (detail removed by Moderator) just trying to get someone, stay with someone & fill whatever void I had inside. My last mental abuser combined with living alone for some years has been the catalyst to stay single for a while. Life on the single side is so much more positive. In this day & age women can do anything their hearts desire to lead the life that they choose, a man by your side is not compulsory. It does not matter about barriers such as lack of money, shyness to meet new people or not knowing what is available. All of these barriers can be overcome. I am shy & a loner by nature but have an amazingly exciting life that I have created for me. Last night I was looking at a fantastic holiday for myself for next year and I am really stretching my comfort zone by taking on a new independent hobby that I have found. At the moment my days feel relaxed, calm, optimistic & focused. In the past I have felt deeply insecure, inadequate, fat, ugly or on edge. There really is no comparison. (detail removed by Moderator) X*X I love this link. http://esteemology.com

[Tuppance]

This is lovely to read – positivity after adversity. Thankyou for sharing this X*x

[Serenity]

This is what I wish to stress to all those ladies who are stuck in abusive relationships, thinking they will never be able to gather the strength to leave it to succeed alone.

You think you are living when you are with them. After all, you are feeling emotions. So you convince yourself you are living your life, maybe not ideally, but you feel ‘alive.’

But the feelings you feel are all horrific ones- fear, pain, self-torture.

Ironically, it is only after you make the giant leap into the unknown that you can see how imprisoned you really were and how unhealthy your life was. The traumatic bonding blinds you.

Yes, getting out has its own difficulties and hurdles, but the feeling of eventually owning your own soul is priceless.

[Peaceful Pig]

I agree completely. I shudder to look back now at how imprisoned and brainwashed I was emotionally. I really did not exist. Someone recently posted about whether it was worth getting free when it is so difficult. I must admit that it’s a long journey I am still on, but I have so much more freedom to heal, have a safe home, to make friends and to learn that I’m ok. I still get triggered but I also experience moments of great joy I have never felt before x

[citrine]

This is a brilliant read and I need to keep reading reading it to inspire me.

I’m trying so hard to leave but bottle it everytime. I then end up feel very down and find it hard to pick myself up.

I know I have to leave it is just taking that giant leap and his reaction to me leaving.

I know I need to be strong.

[Author]

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