Coping with a social worker who doesn’t believe

[ffhoneday]

Does anyone have any advice for coping with a social worker who doesn’t believe the abuse? In my case I have been to MARAC, (detail removed by moderator). I have had a DV caseworker for almost (detail removed by moderator). (Detail removed by moderator).  But the social worker will not believe the abuse. My ex has (detail removed by moderator), all unfounded and often behaviour which has actually been perpetrated towards me. Social Worker says there’s no evidence of abuse, she thinks I’m a perpetrator and most alarmingly told me this week she’s not believing what my children disclose as she thinks I’m controlling them. My caseworker is advocating for me so I have practical things helping but after (detail removed by moderator) of doing better and better after leaving, I am feeling utterly consumed by a state of fear and trauma and can’t seem to reign it in. Has anyone experienced this and if you have do you have any suggestions for coping (I’m doing yoga/breathing/meditating/running etc) Thanks

[KIP.]

Hi there, I’d put my concerns in writing to her supervisor. I’d write everything you’ve said here and add you absolutely refute her findings and that she has ignored the facts and the evidence of your case. I’d ask what her training/experience is on domestic abuse and coercive control. And that dealing with a victim of abuse she’s shown absolutely no understand has been totally unprofessional in voicing her unfounded biased opinions and that you would like another social worker assigned to your case with knowledge and training on domestic abuse as her behaviour and attitude is exacerbating the situation and affecting the health and well-being of you and more importantly your children. Her behaviour is unprofessional and she has accused you of various things which are completely unfounded and that the decline in the welfare of your children since her intervention and further access by their father is obvious to anyone who knows them. That you understand her role should be unbiased and professional and she has not behaved in such a manner and you are very concerned and would like another social worker allocated your case with immediate effect.
I’ve rambled a bit here but you could get your advocacy worker to help write it. You’ve nothing to lose. Keep a journal of his behaviour too. Write down everything as it paints the bigger picture. Your focus with social service should always be on the welfare of your children and being around a man who has been arrested for violence and coercive control is not in their best interests. Taking back control helped with my anxiety and I also had counselling. I’m obviously not sure of all the circumstances and I’m not telling you what to do, just sharing my thoughts x gather evidence and go back to court to cut his access. Evidence from their teacher. GP, neighbours, friends and family. Keep the journal going and any texts or emails And comments from your children. Definitely try to get rid of that social worker but don’t get personal. Keep your letter factual and professional x ask that any further meetings with this social worker are recorded. Always have a witness there too if you can. Bullies come in all walks of life x

[ffhoneday]

Hi, thank you so much this is helpful…unfortunately my caseworker is advising I don’t challenge at this point as they’re having a management level meeting about it…not for a couple of weeks though…it just feels so scary to be disbelieved in the face of so much evidence to the contrary, including as you point out the well being of the children plummeting. You’re so right that bullies come in all walks of life, and they like to side with the power, so painful x

[KIP.]

There’s nothing stopping you writing that letter in readiness for the completion of that meeting. I’m not your case worker but I would ask her why she thinks it’s not a good idea. I’d like that letter used in the forthcoming management meeting and brought to everyone’s attention. You are allowed to have your opinion heard and you dont have to get personal but it’s your future and that of your children and I’d want to know what experience and qualifications and training a person has who has a major say in my future and that of my kids. If you saw a doctor or occupational therapist or pharmacist or optician and you thought they weren’t competent I’m sure you’d raise your concerns. Sticking to the fact and questioning someone’s ability may save you problems in the future. You might find when you compose the letter it changes her mind too. We tread on eggshells all the way through our abuse but why should we do it after? Even if your letter isn’t acted upon, once it’s official, in writing and on their record, if anything goes wrong it comes back on them so they have been warned. Not much comfort to you but might make them sit up and pay attention x

[HopeLifeJoy]

I’m really sorry you’ve encountered such social worker. It’s the last thing you need, a professional not believing you after having been denied a voice by your abusive ex.

I think by following all above advice from KIP you’d be able to make your voice heard and hold a very strong position. Sometimes you just have to shout, show you won’t be pushed around, it really is about your life and your childrens, it is vital your voice is heard. It seems you already have a strong support network around you bare that unprofessional social worker so very well done so far 🙂 keep going💪 you’ll see this through 😘

If you think you need additional support you can also contact Family Rights Group, or just gather informations from their website.
https://www.frg.org.uk/faqs-on-child-protection

Here an excerpt from the website

The social worker doesn’t believe my child is in danger, but I feel s/he is, what can I do?

It is very upsetting to feel your child is at risk of harm but that professionals do not agree with you. Whether the social worker agrees your child is at risk or not, contact a domestic violence specialist organisation to find out what support you may be offered. (See where to get further help). Keep a record of the instances of abuse, and ask any professionals working with you to help you explain your concerns to the social worker.

You should always call the police if you are worried that you or your child is in immediate danger.

What happens if I feel the social worker doesn’t understand what I am going through?

All child care social workers should have had some training in domestic violence and the impact it has on children, but some may not have much experience of it in practice. If you are worried they don’t have the necessary experience to support you, you could politely ask the social worker’s manager if there is a social worker available with more experience in this area. It may not be possible for the manager to offer you a different social worker but you can ask what the reasons are for any decision. If you are very unhappy with the social worker, then you can make a complaint.

[ffhoneday]

Thanks everyone that’s really helpful, I’ll look into all of the above and reconsider writing a letter outlining my concerns. Thanks for taking the time to help

[Cecile]

Keep a diary. Even if you have to write an account in retrospect. The pen is mightier than the sword.
1. As far as possible, write dates, times, what happened, how you felt, what the abuse was. Keep it clear and simple.
2. Get everything in writing from the social services- for example, what is the name of the meeting, why is being held, can you see the minutes if you are discussed. Ask for this in writing.
3. Make sure you have the written assessments carried out by the social worker. You should have these.
4. Get legal advice. If possible bring a solicitor to any meetings that you are invited to.

It might be useful to ask a friend- or supporter- to read any documents you have been given to ensure they have the same impression of the social worker as you do. It can sometimes happen that social work speak comes across as more threatening than it is. Always always clarify IN WRITING to the social worker that you wish to co operate with the service, but do not understand the concerns and YOU FEEL THEY ARE NOT WORKING IN PARTNERSHIP WITH YOU. the last bit is really important because they have to do this.Hope this helps.

[Lisa]

Hi ffhoneday,

Family Rights Group are a charity in England and Wales founded by solicitors, social workers and families in responses to the injustices experienced by many families involved with social services. They offer advice, advocacy and campaigns for families whose children are involved with, or require, social services care. They also produce helpful advice sheets on all aspects of dealing with social services which are downloadable from their website. They are available on 0808 801 0366, 10.00am -15.30pm, Mon – Fri, http://www.frg.org.uk/, email advice@frg.org.uk.
I hope this helps,

Lisa

[ffhoneday]

Thanks so much everyone, this is all really helpful, I’ll follow up on all your suggestions. thank you so much for taking the time to help me out
x

[Author]

Posts