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    • #104423
      Jellyx
      Participant

      Hey ladies when I made the silly decision to stay with my ex partner my close friends that I treasured with my every being just couldn’t be around me anymore i suppose m now I get it they couldn’t see me hurt anymore but my god do I miss them ! Especially now when I’m doing this I’m all on my own I have like three friends now who bother with me when they can but the others have gone ! I know I caused it by staying with him but how do I cope now ? I feel like I have no one to chat too or cry on
      Just makes me feel like rubbish xx

    • #104426
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      Hi Jellyx,

      I felt like I lost friends too, but in reality, some of them stayed away from me for my own protection as they knew that if they phoned me or called at my house I would get the brunt of it. This is how the abuser ‘isolates’ us, one of his greatest control tactics!

      I remember there were a couple of friends I kept going to at the start and telling them how he did this, did that, said this, said that, and they gave me all the advice that he was a bully, abusive, rude, controlling, that I should leave him, but I came up with all the excuses to defend him and say he’s tired, he’s stressed at work etc. Eventually, I got too embarrassed to go to them AGAIN so I did back off from them myself, but that was due to my own embarrassment, not that they’d fell out with me.

      I remember on one particular night I managed to grab the car keys and flee and drive off before he could stop me and I realised I had nowhere to go. I felt I’d exhausted all of my friends and family and they were sick to death of hearing me complain and moan about the same behaviour. I just ended up driving to a remote spot, parking up, crying my eyes out and then driving home again.

      Once I’d left him for good I reached out to some of those friends again and everything was fine. Try reaching out to yours, I’m sure they would love to catch up with you again now that you are free of him 🙂

    • #104427
      SunshineRainflower
      Participant

      So sorry to hear this. It’s a horrible time right now especially.
      When you say they’ve gone, could you still contact them to build a bridge? I spoke to an old friend recently. We were never good friends but I appreciate any social interaction at all at the moment as long as people are supportive and respectful.
      Do you have any neighbours you can talk to? There are local WhatsApp groups for a lot of places. Some areas have set up helplines where people volunteer to ring others who just need a chat. You can message me any time for a chat too.
      Also are you getting any support from women’s aid like a local domestic abuse team?

    • #104741
      Jellyx
      Participant

      Thanks for replying, I am currently in a refugee and I have great support from woman’s aid I guess I just miss the interaction from friends. I feel like bridges have been burned there I have tried reaching out in the past and been ignored so it’s a hard one. My life is different now with the kids and things and possibly I just don’t have that much in common with them anymore ! I hope I meet similar ladies as my life starts to calm down again with more in common. I do think it’s true though that I just didn’t want to moan to them anymore! I think I wasn’t tired of hearing the truth from them when I didn’t want too. To be honest every decision I made with him was always to keep him happy and to better him.. so silly really 😔 x

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