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minimeerkat.
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2nd February 2025 at 7:54 pm #173873
Confusedmumma
ParticipantI’ve had a lovely weekend, seen some friends and took part in an activity that I have a real passion for. (Been told in the past that I am selfish to do this, I don’t do it often at all but it’s one part of my identity I can’t let go of as it is my outlet). Because of this, things haven’t been done as much around the house as they would normally this weekend but I’m off work with my kids (timeframe removed by Moderator) so mentally I know when I’ll have capacity to catch up and fully plan to. I still managed to do a good chunk whilst being busy and entertaining the kids over the weekend but he’s making out constantly like I don’t do enough and it makes me feel bad and like I’m failing. He keeps putting anything I leave out on (location removed by Moderator) so I “see” it as I shouldn’t leave things out. (Clothes unsorted for example, bag not unpacked fully (detail removed by Moderator)). I’ve asked him not to do this and he said point blank that he’ll carry on doing it. I work, parent and am at college so don’t feel that I deserve the label “lazy”, he’s called me this before but says he didn’t mean it yet makes me feel that I am by pointing out what I haven’t done constantly. I get that he likes things in their place and I do try but I’m exhausted. I have got better over the years at keeping tidy but not upto his standards. I have been told that this label is “abusive” (along with other instances of name calling) but could he just actualy be a real grump? Terrified to leave but terrified to stay, it’s a lonely place to be 🙁
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4th February 2025 at 10:00 am #173898
minimeerkat
Participantthis is a lot – no wonder you are feeling exhausted. it sounds as if your partner is insisting on having such extremely high & rigid standards in order to control his home environment. its ok if he wishes to maintain these himself but i dont think it is fair at all to expect someone else to live this way because its not really possible – it just ends up causing others so much stress & anxiety. and i also think its wrong to then criticise you which will naturally make you feel you are failing & arent good enough. its ok if your partner wants to put this much pressure upon himself to achieve these standards but you are a separate person & are therefore finding it too difficult trying to be exactly like him – it isnt right to expect so much from you. you can understand & appreciate your partners need for ‘perfection’ but you yourself can only do your best to ‘help’ with this which you do. but when someones need for control starts to cause others anxiety & affect their self worth its maybe time it was addressed so that you are more able to be yourself & relax more
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