Viewing 16 reply threads
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    • #167401
      Secret6
      Participant

      My partner got really angry last week. He sulked for hours and then criticised me for my behaviour and attitude. All through this I thought:it’s my opportunity, I can tell him now, I can say I want to split up.
      I couldn’t! Held back by fear and the fact that I feel so alone.
      I feel so angry and ashamed of myself. I could have done it. I could have left there and then and I didn’t.

    • #167403
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      A few weeks ago i had come to a point where i couldnt take anymore i told him i was leaving i even jad a bag packed. He stopped me and has been nice ever since i missed my chance and fear it will never come again. I know how you feel i am with you. You are not alone xxxx

      • #167670
        Secret6
        Participant

        Yes, I have that fear now, that my chance has passed and that I let it happen.

    • #167410
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Ladies, please don’t despair. This time last year you wouldn’t have had that thought of wanting to say I’m leaving or packing a bag…this year you have! That is progress and that is strength. Rarely do people wake up and say ‘I’m going’, it’s usually a slow build up until you have the strength or enough evidence (or whatever your mind and body needs) and even then you wobble, until one day it happens and it sticks. There was a post recently asking how long it took people to leave and most said 3-4 years – of thinking it, then trying to say it, then maybe saying it in a fight but back tracking, then saying it but caving a week or two later, until one day….

      So don’t despair, you still have that choice even though I know it doesn’t feel like it xx

      • #167671
        Secret6
        Participant

        Thank you x I realise that this is probably the way but I’ve lost so much of my life already, I’m annoyed at myself

      • #167673
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        Ive just seen this. You are right BB I remember saying I will never leave so yeah maybe this time next year I will be here telling others my story from my safe little flat. Feels like a dream it really does but I guess dreams can come true and I have to keep hold of that because what else is there?

    • #167413
      Butterfly-A
      Participant

      I KNOW this exact feeling, its happened to me many times, sometimes I find myself even wanting to argue because I know how he will react and I think it will be my chance, but it never is.

      But I think you did the right thing, I know it feels like you missed your opportunity but you haven’t. If you leave in the heat of an argument I feel they won’t take it as seriously, people often relate saying things they dont mean or speaking out of anger when you are arguing.

      The good thing is you have decided you want to leave, and that’s great. that’s a massive step.
      Change takes time, you will get there.

      Keep posting, everyone on here is wonderful for just a rant or advice and support.

      As banana boat said, the choice is YOURS, always. this is your life.you will find your happiness, im sure of it.

      • #167672
        Secret6
        Participant

        I feel like I don’t have a choice. Can’t get rid of that feeling

    • #167416
      Mumofcats
      Participant

      Same happened. I even started an occupation and non molestation order, but couldn’t go through with it. Could t press the red button. I do feel I missed my one chance, because the order would have helped me stay in the house and him leave.
      Now his bail has ended, and it’s too late after the last abuse episode.

      I hope I will get another chance and not miss it.

      He’s been ever so nice since then. It also makes me doubt myself.

      But what’s helping me is the counselling sessions I have been having.

      Don’t despair. We’ll get there.

    • #167420
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I think I will be a coward and not leave not just yet anyway. I don’t think I’m strong enough. My head is all over the place 🙄 😒 😩 😪.

    • #167421
      Mumofcats
      Participant

      That is not being a coward.
      You are preparing yourself. Practically and emotionally. It takes time.
      We’ll get there. xx

    • #167423
      Littlepixie
      Participant

      It takes time. I’ve been wanting to leave my husband for years but the threats he made and the fact he is the main earner frightened me into staying. I have now started plans to leave. I’ve been in touch with WA, housing and UC. I’ve been to see a few rentals but unfortunately I haven’t got them. All I can say is if you have children it’s probably best to leave when they are younger. I wish I’d have done it years ago.
      Keep posting and even start looking at what you would be entitled too. I had no idea that I could get help with housing etc

    • #167435
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Apologies for my late response @Littlepixie and @Mumofcats , I appreciate your support and time and kindness . I’m awaiting a response from my local womens aid team. I’m hoping it won’t be long before they get back in touch. I will try my best to ask as many questions as I can . Hopefully they won’t be long before they are in touch with me . Thanks again for taking your time to respond 🙂 much appreciated. Please take care of yourselves.

    • #167496
      Mumofcats
      Participant

      @stargazing1 well done for taking these steps.
      No need to apologise for the time it takes to respond. I think we all post when we are able to. Specifically when it is safe to do so.

      Let us know how you’re getting on.

      Stay safe xx

    • #167499
      Happybelle
      Participant

      I suspect you are not alone in this. I’ve certainly been there. Even got as far as asking them to leave and telling them it’s over and backing out at last minute. It will happen and you will do it when you’re ready x

    • #167533
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Thank you @Mumofcats , I appreciate your kindness it means a great deal . I will be forever grateful for support especially when we have alot in common. Please take care of yourself and please be kind to yourself too 💜 💓. I start filling up reading such kind messages.

    • #167534
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      All responses are gratefully appreciated now and always ❤️. Just Make sure you take care of yourselves everyone 💜.

    • #167554
      Mumofcats
      Participant

      The best thing we can do is be there for each other. xx

    • #167562
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Your such a lovely person @Mumofcats . Your a real gem 💎. Take care of yourself.

    • #167681
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      @Happybelle , this is a very very late response and I am so so sorry for my late reply. Looks like a few of us debate as to whether to leave or stay or decide on a time when it’s best to leave . Things are simmering at the moment in my situation. I’m sure there will be more signs that I will pick up on which will help me to decide and I’m sure this is the same for many here . Once again my sincere apologies for the delay in replying.

      • #167682
        Happybelle
        Participant

        No problem at all 🙂
        It will happen when it happens. In my case I never imagined that it would be yesterday and I certainly didn’t plan it. My mind and body was ready and I had had enough. That made me ready. You will get there when you are. Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone’s circumstances are different x

    • #167683
      Texas
      Participant

      Hi all,

      Just caught up on this.

      Don’t consider it that you have missed your chance, see it in the circumstances it was not the right time. Think about it, the situation Secret6 described at the start was not a stable one, he could have reacted badly. I see this as instinct kicking in and taking care of yourself.

      Above all else you need to keep yourself safe. You can create the right time to leave with careful planning and support, so this was not your only chance, you can create the next opportunity.

      Thinking of you all x

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