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I know it’s early days but I’ve been struggling with the enormity of life since leaving. I’ve never had to do normal things like pay a bill, shopping, set up DD etc so although it doesn’t sound stressful it is to me. Anyway I know I need counselling to help deal with the aftermath and life so I had an assessment over the phone today (I hate talking on the phone) it was stressful and upsetting but I did it. They have offered me counselling starting next week!!!! That seems so close and now I’m trying not to panic about that! Although I’m pleased I have a plan to start dealing with things.
To say well done to myself I brought some flowers for my new place.
It’s the little things right!?
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Well done, I am so impressed with how you are dealing with this. When I first joined this forum a few months ago you were still with your abuser. I’ve followed your progress and fears about leaving, and then you left, you were still scared, but you’ve stuck with it, and now you’re growing and flourishing each day.
The ten week course I did with my group counselling included a session on finances to help ladies get to grips with these things if they’ve never paid their own bills etc. So if these are things we could perhaps help advise you on, then let us know. So for instance, if you drive a car and have never had to get your own car insurance, are you aware of how the price comparison sites work to get the best deals? The same with gas and electricity bills? In your rental accommodation you don’t have to stay with the gas and electric supplier you are currently with if you can get a cheaper deal with another energy provider. There is a website called USwitch, and you put your details in and it will come up with who the cheapest provider is with in your area. Switching is all done over the internet, no one comes out to the property and physically changes anything. Also, if you can afford to pay something up front for the year it works out cheaper than paying monthly by direct debit too, so depending on finances then don’t always set up a monthly DD.
I bought myself some flowers last night too after reading another thread. I couldn’t get a bunch of pink geraniums so I bought pink carnations. Pink carnations are now the synonymous flowers of the sisterhood on here for me.
Hope your counselling helps next week.
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Yes, it is the little things. Well done, just take one day at a time. Being independent is scary if you’ve never had to do it before. Counselling should help you feel that little bit better and a little more competent everyday. It did for me. I was able to support myself and my children.
I bought myself some pink chrysanthemums a few days ago, just like you; no one else ever bought any for me. It’s my way of saying well done to me and thanking myself for everything I do for me, big or small.
Make the most of counselling, the more you engage with it, the better you are able to heal. Your bit about talking on the phone resonated with me. I hated talking on the phone, it was scary and people would ask questions I couldn’t answer and I honestly thought I couldn’t speak. But now, I can talk with anyone quite easily and honestly, counselling helped a lot.
You’re doing all the right things. Hold your head up high and smile from inside yourself. You can do anything you want and anything you choose to do.
Stay safe and start living for you x
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Thanks Wants to help.
Admittedly it took me two decades to come onto this forum but once I did I found that I did have support and started to wonder if I could possibly do this.. the answer was a clear yes, so I did. Of course it’s not easy and the fear that was stopping me is still there BUT the there’s hope and before I had none, I was stuck. Most of the days are still pretty hard but again they were before so..
The difference is now that I don’t have to cope with all the those things whilst incapacitated with pain or trauma waiting for the next time. The only battle I have now is my own mind.
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Thanks.
Admittedly it took me two decades to come onto this forum but once I did I found that I did have support and started to wonder if I could possibly do this.. the answer was a clear yes, so I did. Of course it’s not easy and the fear that was stopping me is still there BUT the there’s hope and before I had none, I was stuck. Most of the days are still pretty hard but again they were before so..
The difference is now that I don’t have to cope with all the those things whilst incapacitated with pain or trauma waiting for the next time. The only battle I have now is my own mind.
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Wow, well done cantmakedecisions – time you changed your username to candefinitelymakedecisions! Thanks for inspiring me – I bought flowers yesterday too, its become a regular thing for me – hot pink roses and all the food and goodies I usually held back on! Cat is still on the bed!! Puppy savings building up! I know what you mean about tackling the simple things. I had a meltdown trying to fill in a form online and had to go away and come back to it and really really focus – took me ages and quite a few tears. Changing passwords, blocking accounts, checking for spyware, blah blah blah – nobody should have to live their life like they are in witness protection its just depressing! What these individuals put us through! Recovering from a load of trauma too. Anyway, I’m inspired to get counselling now, I rang my GP yesterday and she gave me the name of a local service so will do it! We’re getting there!
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Definitely be proud of yourself.
I’m 6 months into counselling and it has honestly changed my life. I’ve been told I probably have PTSD and I’ve been having CBT sessions which have begun to help with the endless anxiety.
The thought of my first session made me feel sick but I’m very glad I went. So keep at it.
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