Counselling?

[peachysunshinee]

I am just wondering if any of you have had any counselling or talked to anyone professional about your experiences? And if yes, how did you find them? How long did you go? How much did you pay?
I am in a new and extremely happy relationship but can still get a little down about my past. I find it difficult to talk to him about it as I don’t want to upset him, but want to talk to someone.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Borntobefree]

Hi
I was put in touch with my local WA
And was allocated a councillor

I also went to victims support
They have been fantastic. It was great to vent when I was in a hot mess
I’ve came so far in my journey

Ian now doing a 12 week trauma program through WA… Get in touch with your local one hun

They are fantastic x

[lover of no contact]

Hi peachysunshinee,

I attended a support group and counselling while still in the abusive relationship as I couldn’t cope with the behaviours. Luckily both were free. Maybe Women’s Aid could suggest a counsellor.

I find coming on this Forum, keep reading the posts helps me heal and make sense of my experiences. I’ve let go of guilt, shame, anger, resentment, rage, bitterness, fear by coming on this Forum.

You could continue to post on here to us your thoughts and feelings about your abusive relationship, if you wanted, and an added bonus is its free.

[KIP.]

I think you should start with your GP. Ask to be referred to councelling. Make sure they are experienced in dv. I had to go private to find someone as the NHS can only do so much. My needs were complex. Rape crisis if appropriate have been a great support too.

[anna]

Hi I have had mixed experience with therapy, when i went years ago i saw a mental health nurse who obviously was not trained in trauma or domestic violence and it was a big mistake! I blurted out the extreme abuse that i had recieved and she actually said to me if you are lying the Sh**** will hit the fan! it was horrendous the next week when I was due to go i was very unwell with a cold and cancelled. Probably due to the stress! And the mental health nurse came to my home to speak to my husband to confirm if i was telling the truth. This was not said in so many words but when she came through the door she looked at me looking like death on the sofa and said ‘oh you are unwell!’. She also grilled my husband about my experiences ( totally ridiculous as how would he know about my childhood) all my husband could say was as he had witnessed abuse to me from my mum as an adult he would assume i had the same treatment in childhood ( he said words to that affect) So she then graciously ( yes i am being sarcastic!) allowed me to carry on therapy with her and i went because i was desparate and bizzarley even though she thought at first the abuse I was describing was extreme enough to assume i was lying I was then encouraged to stay with her with statments like it’ cant be that bad if you try and visit her once a week! so you get the rest of the week to yourself’.
After that i never told anyone for years only my husband knew. What was the point no one would believe me and even if they did the unwritten law of the universe is you never leave a parent honour your mother and father!
Eventually i went to a fantastic support group which i am still in for something else not abuse but it inadvertantly helped me as we deal with emotional stuff. There was still the wrong advice of stay with your mum and dad and give them boundaries( it seems there is still this universal invisible law of mum and dad can do whatever they like to you! ( but in fairness my friends in the group are not experts ) but they was so kind and really they are my main support i understand their limitations but i know i can ring someone and say i have had rubbish in the post and where they cant do anything as such they can say that must be horrible for you, have a hug! And emotional support goes a long way! I also eventually ended up with a lovely mental health nurse and after four years told her what was going on and even though not trained she believed me straight away and though she could not tell me what to do ( she isnt allowed to) was supportive enough that i was able to ring domestic support helpline and i was reassured that i had rung the right number as what i was describing was domestic violence and a criminal offense.
I also ended up having both NHS therapy and private paid therapy with trauma trained psychotherapists and they was brilliant. Validating supportive and most importantly believed me. I went for about 3 months as it was all i could afford. I now no longer see my mental health nurse or have medication.
So i guess i wanted to give you the good and bad experiences. I would recommend psychotherapy but i really strongly suggest they are trained in trauma or there is potential to have bad experience like i had. Also to be aware that my own experience and some friends i know found that going to a trained expert was fantastic and supportive but once you leave the therapy room you are back in real world with people who usually dont get it. So they quite often think or say things different from the experts its not that they are mean they just dont understand but if you can find someone supportive it helps. My group which is basically free apart from a small donation each week is a lifeline. Hope that helps my therapist cost £60 an hour I also had hypnotherapy/meditation with her meditation is a fantastic help to me. but mainly in my area prices start from £40 an hour

[peachysunshinee]

Thank you so much for all of your advice. Anna i’m so glad you finally got that support xx

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