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It doesn’t sound violent or one sided. Just an average row I suppose. But I just find even hear hearing shouting very triggering nowadays.
My friend dropped something and he shouted loudly because it hurt him, and I kind of froze. My heart rate took ages to get back to normal.
Everything is technically so much better now. Restraining order. Housed safely and without ex knowing where to look for me. No attempts by him to contact for nearly (detail removed by Moderator) months…. But there are days when I just can’t cope with any kind of stress. I thought I was getting myself back but it seems to be more of an uphill struggling than i thought it would be.
Sorry. Just needed to get that off my chest.
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Hello Grey Rock,
Thank you for sharing this. It’s understandable to feel triggered by raised, angry voices or loud noises after what you have been though.
It sounds like these incidents evoke the response that you may have had to the abuse in the relationship. Adrenaline triggers the body’s fight-or-flight response so freezing or an increased heart rate happen when we are feeling unsafe or threatened in some way.
It’s good that you are able to remind yourself that you are in fact safe now and possibly practice some grounding techniques, but it sounds like a distressing and exhausting experience for you.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Hi Grey Rock,
I can really understand and relate to that.
I have found that it can help to control my breathing, breath in to the count of 3 and out to the count of 5. Keep doing that until your heart starts to slow a little. Once you feel a little more settled try and do something that is focussed purely on getting you back together. Listen to soothing music, go for a walk, burn lavender oil, cook – whatever works for you.
Have you had any counselling or trauma therapy since you left?
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