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No ones listening.
His version (lies) of events is the version always in court orders and no one listening.
(Court detail removed by moderator).
I feel I’m being humoured and it won’t be long before I can’t protect the kids anymore.
I feel like there’s nothing more I can do. And I’m scared daily for them. -
Exactly the same position. Utter hell and misery. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please get support from Women’s Aid, your GP and everyone else involved in your case. It is a hideous situation to be in. Apparently it is common to be treated like this.
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J@jmum I am so sorry you are having to go through this alone. You can get 30min free initial appointment with most family law solicitors, this would be enough just to get some basic advice of how to put your case forward in court. Keep trying rights for women, they are very helpful. You have to just keep redialling as they are so busy. PM if you want to, happy to help if I can.
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I got the evidence myself of his lies and presented it. I’m afraid you need to do a lot of the leg work yourself. If your solicitor is ignoring it then change solicitor. If it wasn’t a public forum I would tell you a whopper. Yes they lie and a lot of he time the court doesn’t seem bothered. I think you have to be tenacious and don’t let the lies fall unchallenged. I often felt I got penalised for telling the truth but that’s the type of person I am. I don’t lie so make sure you make a huge noise about his.
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I’ve made a massive noise but no one is looking at the evidence in front of their face.(detail removed by moderator)
It’s worse as im unrepresented and he is, with solicitors etc who clearly work with those judges often.
I don’t feel anything I provide gets looked at. I don’t get to have my say as much as I’d like.
No one has once considered what I’ve said.
His solicitors very much take over and I’m being pushed out. -
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Do you have any support from women’s aid? Anyone who can help you with the court process. McKenzie friends? It shows your strength that you’re able to represent yourself. I can only hope that the judge is actually listening to your argument. Even though you might feel pushed out. I can only imagine your distress. Contact your MP for support. This inequality in court representation should never be allowed.
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You can see what the outcome will be before you go into the courtroom, they clearly respect and tend to agree with one another. They have that rappor with one another.
I’ve tried women’s aid and never get through, I’ve tried legal rights of women and always busy and never get through.
I can’t get legal aid or pro bono and have no funds or ppl to help.
I have literally zero support and zero way of fighting this. It’s not strength i did it alone it’s absolute zero other option and I’m a complete mess when I’m in there. -
So sorry to read this; and can relate on a personal level also. I’m currently trying to avoid it all as I know he’ll get a lot of what he asks for, at best I will be able to get a few terms in the order regarding safer access; I have no contact with him at all bar email, so I would hope this would remain in place and be respected if there were an order.
I dont feel an order would protect her, if anything I feel it puts her more at risk, because he will think I can do what I want now and she cant do a thing, as the order says so.
I’m really suprised you have no legal aid; as it was my understanding that anyone experiencing domestic abuse is eligible, that the bar for any financial income is set pretty high, meaning a lot do qualify. Cant recall the exact amount, but living costs were taken into account. You do need GP support for this as the GP is required to fill out a form/letter. I had to shop around for a solicitor, found some weren’t really interested in legal aid work, the one I have now has sorted it all out for me and it’s not an issue, its not come back yet but he is happy to advise me and work with me anyway.
It feels like its a mans world doesn’t it.
I have also collected and compiled my own evidence to build my case as suggested above.
I’ve been thinking alot lately, why put myself through it, it feels like legalised abuse to me. For what? An order that doesnt really protect my child, and something he can continue to abuse me with. It feels for me that I can only remove his power by not entering into it.
A wise freind once said to me, dont get pulled into the family court system – whatever you do, try to avoid, I get why she said that now.
I dont know what the answer is. But guessing that if you are unhappy with the outcome you can either appeal it and fight again, but I think you need a solicitor to level the playing field if you do. I have heard some success stories on here when women do this, improvements made to the order. It will always be a compromise though hey – whatever the outcome. Or, you get some therapy to help with trying to come to terms with what has happened, the outcome, and find ways to work with it – there is always a way – even when it doesnt feel or seem this way, that’s why you need someone elses help to be able to work out how.
My daughter has a lousy father, he’s been abusive to her in the past but since he met a new woman he appears to want to be a family man again, so things have calmed for her in terms of chaos and his anger; she’s also hardly ever alone with him now when with him as well – and this def makes a difference. Doesnt help my case at all, but it makes a big difference in her life x
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That’s shocking DM! You saying you got legal aid then had to pay it back later?
Might be an idea to check if he’s using legal aid and if so under what grounds? Is he is claiming for it legally or is he lying somewhere on the application? Pretty sure you can find this out through information request rules, because I was going to do this if he applied for legal aid for mediation as I knew he wouldn’t qualify.
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Your local womens aid charity can assign you a suport worker and she is permitted to go to court with you; mine came in with me and literally held my hand; she was also a fountain of useful info. If you look on the local councils website there should be a number to call for the local domestic abuse charity. They responded really quickly to me as I told them I was due in court x
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J@jmum, you are absolutely not alone. It is terrifying. Please keep going with making contact with Women’s Aid. CAB can help you too. Please also ask a friend to write a testimonial of your character for you to take to court. Please make an appointment with your gp and show them what is happening to you. You may also find the police helpful. I know it is a civil court but when you are dealing with domestic abuse the police may be able to offer some kind of support. It is beyond grim having false allegations levelled against you. Is there any kind of mental health service in your part of the world? Please contact them as well.
For the person being accused of rubbish, it is a kind of hell on earth.
You need people holding your back through this so your emotions don’t get in the way in court. Please work as hard as you can to find that support. I know it is utter hell. So many of us have faced it or are still in it. It is certainly traumatising when you have probably endured enough trauma.
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