Craving

[Alicenotichains]

I feel a bit embarrassed to be typing this but it was either post here or text him. I feel awful today- like a weird craving has come over me. I think I may have PMT but I feel like I really miss my ex – these feelings happened before when we splitter year and we got back together when I caved in but I was feeling quite good last week- it’s been a few weeks since it all ended. I keep thinking maybe it wasn’t that bad, but then I know it was bad and would have got worse. I am going to follow my counsellors advice and read my addictions book and perhaps try out my yoga DVD. I don’t feel like a real person today I feel like a body whose soul has wandered off somewhere. We just had a family meal and I had to work hard my to just burst into tears. This is the longest No Contact period I have managed so far and I feel like I just can’t go back to square one. I feel dreadful. I can’t really explain it to my father and my kids are too young so I have nobody to talk to today x

[Finallysomethingclicked]

Hi Alice

I was feeling exactly the same yesterday I just made the mistake of contacting him and as expected I felt worse for it -so be proud of yourself for posting here instead.I will be taking a leaf out of your book in the future.

I love how you describe feeling like a body who’s souls wandered off I know exactly how that feels but then I’m sure all the ladies on here can identify with it too.

I just wanted to say well done for being so strong and posting on here instead of looking back to him for comfort it’s definitely the way forward.

Big hugs ❤️

[Serenity]

I think these abusers affect us on the deepest level. Sometimes the pain and the yearning for ‘everything to be ok’ and the drive to want to contact them, thinking that we can make them see sense or to recognise what they’ve done, is very strong.

As someone said to me, he doesn’t think like you. He doesn’t have the same values, morals, the same conscience or sense of responsibility. We will never get a proper apology or closure from them. It’s like they are a different species totally.

I know the feeling of almost not being in your body- or feeling like an empty shell, like you’re just going through the motions, like your body is separated from your soul…it’s a kind of ‘depersonalisation’- like you are looking at your body like an outsider.

Dialectical Behavioural Therapy suggests engaging in exercise that rigorise our senses: eating fizzy sherbert, sucking ice cubes, inhaling aromatherapy oils, sitting in the sun, having a massage…anything that puts us ‘back in our body’ so to speak.

It’s hard when you can’t discuss things with those around you. But we all know what you’re going through and can sympathise completely x

[Alicenotichains]

Thank you FSC and Serenity. I was really taken aback by the strength of the urge to contact him but I looked for an alternative, I posted, phoned my friend and then I went for a jog and then I did a yoga DVD which my counsellor suggested. I feel back in a calmer place now. I don’t think I have ever ridden out a strong craving like that before so I feel like that might be a victory. This is a real battle isn’t it? But today it was my adult rational self battling with my co-dependent addict self. Contact would be opening a door to more emotional, verbal, psychological and physical abuse so I have to keep it shut. Today it felt like one hand was trying to open the door while the other tried to keep it shut.
I am going to stay off social media for a while in case I see something that triggers me. My counsellor told me this would be hard, but when it is hard it really really hurts. Thank you for your support today- it’s nice to know that you are there X

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