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So I left a few months ago and thought things were going OK – he’s started calling less often and sometimes going 2 days without calling me. Last night he had the kids so I had a free night – he called and I didn’t want to argue again so I ignored it and made the conscious decision to put my phone on silent and not look at it. I went to bed and looked and could see he had spent all evening calling and messaging me. Then I get woken up at 2am by someone knocking on the door – it’s obviously him but I ignored it. He rang me (detail removed by moderator) voicemails and god knows how many messages then turned up at my house in the middle of the night (there was another family member home with our children at his house) I just don’t know what to do – I thought things were getting better but it seems I can’t just have a normal life. I was so scared he would try and break in. I spoke to him today and he just says it’s because he loves me and when I didn’t answer he was worried I was with another man so came by my house to make sure I was OK?!?! I mean w*f!! Please someone tell me this gets easier.
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It only gets easier if you make boundaries and enforce them. This is the difficult part emotionally and potentially physically so you must keep safe and be prepared to ring the police. Get a contact order in place so that he knows when he’s allowed contact with the children. This should be done via a third party. Change your mobile number and keep the number he has in an old or cheap phone. Advise him by text that he’s not allowed to come to your home. So you can show the police that he’s been told not to come. He’s sound jealous and possessive. Huge red flags. Mostly get in touch with your local women’s aid. Get as much support and you can. His behaviour will escalate so please take action and don’t be bullied by him. Don’t be afraid to ring 999. That’s what the police are for. This is the most dangerous time for Women when we try to break free x
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So I spoke to him again – I’m now afraid of a repeat of I don’t answer the phone and the last thing I need is him doing this when the kids are at mine. I told him I was scared when he came round in the middle of the night and was worried he would try breaking in and somehow he says I’m twisting things he was just worried about me as I didn’t answer his calls and all he did was knock on the door so why would I be afraid?? I don’t sleep well anyway but now I’m even worse and he somehow makes me feel like I’m making a big deal out of nothing!! I wish to god I had just answered the phone then none of this would have happened 😔
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This is him showing controlling behaviour. Because you won’t jump when he says so, he makes life difficult for you. Now you’re thinking you will change your behaviour for him. This is how they work. They keep changing the goal posts. Keep you on edge. Ring the police if he turns up again like that. His behaviour is escalating and this is a dangerous time for you, trying to break free.
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