Dangerous Denial

[KIP.]

How I lived for decades and how I coped. Facing the truth is beyond devastating so I lived in this dangerous denial. This cognitive dissonance. Two opposing thoughts, of course we are going to go for the one that doesn’t devastate us. Our brain protects us but keeps us in a place of danger.

[Watersprite]

YES!I don’t know if this helps anyone but my IDVA explained it to me as safety planning. She said you were safety planning for (detail removed by moderator) and yes I was getting the kids to bed early when little, not disagreeing, taking the blame for things I hadn’t done, not working, treading on eggshells, having sex against my wishes, doing things I didn’t want to, normalising the terror I felt at that certain look because he could be so nice – the list is endless really and I felt so ashamed until the IDVA explained it that way. I was too afraid and too confused to leave. I was safety planning trying to keep my children and myself safe. I wish I had left years ago but I have now 🦋

[KIP.]

I like that safety planning for (detail removed by moderator) comparison. Because while your head is filled with safety planning there’s no room for much else. Rational thinking goes out the window x

[Watersprite]

Oh wow sorry this has got me going lol Greta post Kip – have you heard the frog/ water analogy – apparently don’t try it lol if you put a frog into boiling water it will jump straight out if you turn the temperature up so slowly the frog will stay until it boils. It’s what abusers do – I got out of that pan it tool planning, support and in the end just fleeing x

[Bananaboat]

Gosh safety planning is such a spot on description! I’d get the kids sorted and to bed earlier and earlier, plan having my clothes in places so as not to disturb him, have food/drink stored upstairs for the times the house was a no go zone, so many other examples that has really hit home.

[Author]

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