Viewing 4 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #131547
      KIP.
      Participant

      How I lived for decades and how I coped. Facing the truth is beyond devastating so I lived in this dangerous denial. This cognitive dissonance. Two opposing thoughts, of course we are going to go for the one that doesn’t devastate us. Our brain protects us but keeps us in a place of danger.

    • #131552
      beachhut
      Participant

      Unfortunately, we all fall into that trap and it is not till we get out that we realise it.

    • #131554
      Watersprite
      Participant

      YES!I don’t know if this helps anyone but my IDVA explained it to me as safety planning. She said you were safety planning for (detail removed by moderator) and yes I was getting the kids to bed early when little, not disagreeing, taking the blame for things I hadn’t done, not working, treading on eggshells, having sex against my wishes, doing things I didn’t want to, normalising the terror I felt at that certain look because he could be so nice – the list is endless really and I felt so ashamed until the IDVA explained it that way. I was too afraid and too confused to leave. I was safety planning trying to keep my children and myself safe. I wish I had left years ago but I have now 🦋

      • #131556
        KIP.
        Participant

        I like that safety planning for (detail removed by moderator) comparison. Because while your head is filled with safety planning there’s no room for much else. Rational thinking goes out the window x

    • #131555
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Oh wow sorry this has got me going lol Greta post Kip – have you heard the frog/ water analogy – apparently don’t try it lol if you put a frog into boiling water it will jump straight out if you turn the temperature up so slowly the frog will stay until it boils. It’s what abusers do – I got out of that pan it tool planning, support and in the end just fleeing x

    • #131586
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Gosh safety planning is such a spot on description! I’d get the kids sorted and to bed earlier and earlier, plan having my clothes in places so as not to disturb him, have food/drink stored upstairs for the times the house was a no go zone, so many other examples that has really hit home.

Viewing 4 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content