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    • #129950

      Hi Ladies,
      Sorry I know I have asked some questions about this before, but it is really getting me down, so I would massively appreciate any feedback from anyone who has gone through this.
      So the police have given me a crime ref, taken all the evidence and are processing. The big decision now appears to be  (detail removed by moderator). The officer in the case (detail removed by moderator) but was supposed to ring me (detail removed by moderator) to update me.
      I just want to cry with the lack of information and the lack of control. I can’t stand it. I spent years having no autonomy at all, utterly controlled, and now it is all out of my control again. It probably sounds ridiculous, but it is so important to me to know what is going on and to know whether they are taking me seriously, or dismissing me (detail removed by moderator) (as my ex would say).
      So, how often is it reasonable to chase a case up? I don’t want to appear a nuisance, but the not knowing, lack of control over my future is triggering me badly.
      Any advice from your experiences welcome. Thank you.

    • #129951

      You have an absolute right to be kept up to date and have an assigned officer to do this for you, These are victims rights. Victim Support were great with me and they can chase things up for you if you’re struggling. I’d also be making a complaint about the officer who failed to contact you when she said she would. That is unprofessional at the best of times let alone dealing with domestic abuse where your anxiety is off the scale preparing to speak about the abuse. It’s like preparing to go into a boxing ring, that adrenaline floods the system and it’s exhausting every single time. It absolutely doesn’t sound ridiculous. You’re making a huge sacrifice here by engaging with the legal system and the very least they can do is simply what they’re supposed to do as a police officer dealing with a witness/victim. Victims rights were fought hard for by people who went through hell in the legal system. They’re there for a reason and the police know this. Some are simply lazy, some unprofessional but you do occasionally get a good officer. That’s the one you grab onto and get their contact details and hang onto them. I’ve been through the system and had to complain. It’s whoever shouts the loudest, so shout when you have the capacity to do so.

    • #129952

      You’re entitled to: be kept updated by the police on the investigation. be told when a suspect’s been arrested and charged. be told whether or not the suspect will be taken to court.

    • #130531

      KIP – I can see it is stressful but be kind – police are human too – the officer may be off sick or over whelmed with their own issues. I know a number of police officers and staff who have also suffered DV and other personal battles whilst still working a full caseload.

      Marmot – Always worth chasing things up – you won’t be seen as a nuisance – explain how triggering it is – make sure you are given the contact details for the right person or department.
      The police are a bureaucratic organisation and things get missed when they really shouldn’t.

      Victim Support can help – whether or not a crime is reported.

      • #130559

        Being a police officer is a privilege and can make a huge difference one way or another. If they have struggles in their personal lives they should be professional enough to seek help and not let if affect their work and be detrimental to victims of crime. I have family who are in the police and I know the pressure they are under but they need to act responsibly and be professional or get the help they need to do so. If they are off sick then their cases should be handled by a colleague. Not just sit on their desk for weeks when the victims are sitting there waiting on a promised call. Policing is a profession.

      • #130568

        I think the police are a blunt instrument. They can be good responding to a typical 999 violence call out. They can process fast and are an essential lifesaver for women.
        My experience is they fail when it is not an emergency eg a report with plenty of evidence of coercive control. Here it is disinterest, rudeness and such triggering behaviour that it is like being abused. If I write any details I will be moderated but in general things like saying women frequently fabricate evidence or PTSD makes them a mentally ill unreliable witnesses shows just how inadequate police training is.

    • #130549

      Sorry Cyberblonde but you are far far too kind.
      My post was heavily moderated so the sense is gone, but I can assure you that the level of breathtaking incompetence, incomprehension of the law, laziness and rudeness I have encountered cannot be glossed over by people having a bad day etc. It is totally unbelievable.

    • #130558

      PM me marmot if you want – lots of experience 🤯 take care all you lovely ladies we walk hard roads – together we are stronger x

    • #131487

      I agree with all of you. I first contacted the police in (detail removed by moderator), but it took (detail removed by moderator) before the CPS agreed to prosecute. This was after (detail removed by moderator).

      Would you think the police would have charged by now? No, they are too busy with incoming cases, which I have heard a hundred times before. I thought that a female officer would now have empathy, but I was wrong. It is just a form filling exercise, and no wonder so few cases go to court.

      Can anyone advise how long I should expect to wait for the police, or should I complain to a senior officer?

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