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    • #42700
      Anabela
      Participant

      I have posted a few weeks ago being indecisive whether to live with him or not. In the end I just extended my room contract, but he is expecting that I will be moving in with him soon. I have made a decision. I am not. But he does not know that yet. And i don’t know how it is best to go about it.
      Now he lives in a same city as me and he has a car. I am scared that he might not react well if i just say that this is it and try to stop the contact with him. Now I am just finding excuses to keep my things in my room, but I can’t do that forever.
      Some time ago I told him that I saw a man crying outside because of the woman. He said he should beat her up for playing with his heart. That made my heart sink. And this is exactly what I fear. (I am most likely paranoid, but I can’t stop myself). That it is dangerous to leave. He knows where I live, where I work..
      He had his hopes up that I will live with him (I can’t remember when exactly I agreed on that, but I think me being quiet was taken as an agreement… whatever). Also, he has no job as yet, so he is interested in my financial contribution, I believe. Of course he is…
      I’ve seen him very violent in the past. He wished death on me during numerous arguments. When he gets angry he can be out of control.
      Ideally, I would love to tell him I am done with him only once I change cities or something like that so that he would have no clue where I am. I would change my number, email, social media… But I have no money to move to another city. I have a negative amount in my account due to (another) overdraft taken for him, although this one is relatively small. But still. I can’t afford to change cities just yet. Especially as that would mean I need to change jobs.
      I don’t know what to do. I want to be single. And I want to be safe. And take back the control of my life. And I don’t want to be scared

    • #42711
      KIP.
      Participant

      Call the helpline. Seek out your local women’s aid. They can help with safety plans and leaving a violent partner. They may be able to find you a place in a refuge. He is dangerous and controlling and you are right to be fearful.

    • #42719
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey Hun

      I think to start of maybe a refuge would be a good place for u to go, it would keep you protected and you would have the support you need, please call womensaid help line and get further guidance or see if there is a local womens centre to you, inever knew about these before but i heard they can give u lots of legal advice, womens of right is another number you can call for legal advice. If he asks u to take anymore loans or overdrafts just say you got refused, he will drain u dry,

    • #42743
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Anabela,

      I just wanted to show you some support and to back up the great advice you have already been given. Please do phone the Helpline. They will offer you advice on your options and can hopefully help you to safety plan. It is worrying that you feel fearful of him so please be careful at this time.

      We are all here for you so please phone the helpline and then let us know how you are getting on.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa
      Forum Moderator

    • #42769
      Anabela
      Participant

      Hi all,
      Thank you for your support and advise. It’s good to have a proof that I should be careful and it is not just fear for no reason as it does feel sometimes….

    • #42805
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Listen to your fears.
      What if you move to a bigger city, take a room in a shared accommodation,…
      He will never find you.

    • #42820
      Anabela
      Participant

      This is what I would love to do. Move to a bigger city ideally quite far from where I am at the moment. But I still need to save up for that…
      It makes me so angry that once (not even that long ago) I had at least some savings in my account for emergencies. I have none now due to not being able to say no to him….
      I was thinking maybe just do nothing until I save up something, but then I just need to find a way to tell him I am not moving in with him. I will have to do that anyway, as I still have a contract for my accomodation (he thought it ends this month)…

    • #42834
      Lightness
      Participant

      I suggest you speak with Womens aid. Telling him you won’t be moving in with him could escalate his abuse

    • #42835
      Lightness
      Participant

      I’ve read your first post again. You definitely need to call the helpline.

      • #42844
        Anabela
        Participant

        Hi Lightness. Thank you for your post :)I will try to make myself to call them before telling him I am not moving in with him…
        The thought of telling him this makes me scared… and time is going quickly…

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