Decree Absolute

[Serenity]

Today I am free. I have no ties of marriage to him anymore.
Marriage, which holds such promise, and which can be the vehicle of secrecy and abuse.
I doubt I will ever trust enough to marry again.

I feel free. Weirdly free. I wish I knew it would plop onto my doormat today: I would have arranged a party.

At the same time, I feel sad. Sad at what he did, what he carried out callously.

I worry that I won’t ever recover fully.

At the same time, I feel stronger than I have ever been.

He has left me with debt. But at least it is now my debt to sort. On my own, without his put-downs.

I don’t know why this happened in my life, on top of other difficult things. I don’t feel I deserved it, as I am sure none of you lovely ladies did.

All I can do now is put into practice what I spent the first half of my life learning X

[lover of no contact]

Hi Serenity,

Thankyou for sharing your bittersweet news with us. Sweet, in that the Decree Absolute is the physical evidence of the end of your marriage which was the vehicle for the carrying out of the abuse. And bitter for that loving, trusting young girl who entered the marriage thinking that in it she would be loved, cherished and adored.

Who knows why us lovely people fell foul of an abuser. As my father used to say ‘life is not fair’. I suppose some people end up paralysed by accidents, etc, etc. That’s just life. The main thing is that you have survived the abuse (so many do not), you have broken the chain of abuse coming down the generations so hopefully your boys have learnt from your huge ‘NO’ to abuse and using your experience, strength and hope you will help other ladies (and their children) to break free from their abusers and to continue their journey of life on a path free from being controlled and used by abusers.

Well done for having the courage and resilience to overthrow your abuser despite the constraints of marriage and society and our very own feelings.

Be very proud tonight for all you’ve achieved for you and your boys (and us ladies on here!).

[Daisy]

Great news,
Well done, serenity
Onwards and upwards!
X x x

[one day at a time]

Well done Serenity for seeing your divorce through. I’ve read your posts and comments and can relate so much. At the same time you have inspired me to keep on track with my own journey of separating from my abuser.
I’m still going through the process. Such a long and hard process, but reading you are free has made me feel like I can do it too.
I know it’s a bitter sweet situation, but I think you’ll grasp your freedom with both hands and head for a bright, beautiful future – living your life as the woman you were meant to be.
Take care. Big hug. Xx

[Winterblues2]

Congratulations on your official freedom.

I have been warned by friends that it feels both releasing and devastating at the same. Just know that you did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve the abuse and nothing to make your marriage fail. I hope that now another chapter of your life has closed you can have a brighter and happier future and truly hope that you do learn to trust again x*x

[foggyhere]

Well done x*x

[Falling Skys]

Thankyou for posting I had my Decree Nisi through just before Christmas.

And your feelings of the bitter sweet are how I feel. The dreams I had turned to a living night mare.

Can’t wait till I am completely free. And like you I don’t think I will ever be able to trust enough to let anyone in completely.

But as they say time is a great healer.

Have a wonderful future xx

[Serenity]

Thank you x*x

[White Rose]

I’m really happy for you. I hope the slightly anxious uncertain feeling settles xx

[Author]

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