Deflated and feeling guilty

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of endoftherainbow endoftherainbow 1 year ago.

  • Author
  • #48810
    Profile photo of eask eask 

    I have posted a few times now and thought I was making positive steps, but now I’m sat on the sofa feeling so guilty for letting my children experience my abusive ex for so long.

    They never saw physical abuse but the house in hindsight was like constantly walking on egg shells, mood swings from my ex (their dad), days of silent treatment and me bein told I’m stupid etc.

    I left about ten weeks again now, it hasn’t been easy. He’s threatened me, threatened to take them, stood for hours outside our front door, and refused to leave making me secretly call the police but one thing for sure is iv done the right thing.

    My daughter no longer stammers and seems so much happier. None of our children want to see their dad even though I have tried to support supervised visits. I’m scared he will go to court for contact but more so I’m so scared and feel horribly guilty for what I have put my children through.

    He is so unpredictable and a crowd pleasure, what if he gets unsupervised contact?!

  • #48864
    Profile photo of Lisa Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi Eask,

    You don’t have to feel guilty. You are not responsible for your ex partners behaviour. I’m sure he didn’t think once about what he was exposing your children to.

    You made the best choice for you and your children. You have mentioned that your daughter no longer stammers, that is amazing and shows that she feels safe and secure with you.

    Please remember that he is responsible for the abuse and you are a survivor and a great mum.

    Take care and keep posting

    Best Wishes


  • #48897
    Profile photo of endoftherainbow endoftherainbow 

    Hello Eask, I too suffer with guilty feelings, my kids never saw anything and I never cried out when being beaten, it made him worse if I did. My children are so much better now, and im building fences with my older ones that left home. My guilt eats away at me, you will come to a time when you will learn to forgive yourself, but don’t rush, im not quite there yet, but on my way. You are not to blame for any of his behaviour, he is, are we guilty of loving, and hoping for change? possibly, but still don’t deserve any blame. Things will get better, and seeing the change and improvement in your children will help x*x

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