This topic contains 9 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Lostforever 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #111608
     Cake 
    Participant

    I have been with my partner for (detail removed by moderator) have 2 grown up children still at home , My life is unbearable the emotional abuse never stops ,my hime is owned but I am not in the mortgage and we are not married ..
    As far as I know I am not entitled to anything I do not work or claim any sort of money as he has never wanted me to work ..
    The verbal abuse to me and my children never stops it’s everyday , Always putting me down telling me how useless I am cannot have my own opinions has taking my car keys from me so I cannot leave .
    But is always telling me to leave as it’s his house have lost all my friends because of his jealousy even have to lie about seeing my parents which makes me so sad 🙁
    Controls every aspect of my life has also been physical towards me in a couple of occasions..
    Do not know where to turn have no savings and no where to go and it is only getting worse 🙁 so much more to say that goes on just feeling very lost

     

     

  • #111609
     Chestnut 
    Participant

    Hi cake I think some of the other ladies on here may have some good suggestions. I imagine you feel very stuck at the moment don’t be. It sounds like contacting domestic abuse support for some advice would be good. Start checking what you are entitled to with citizens advice, talk to the local housing office if you have some time without him around check out your options (there will be some), starting to do this may make you feel you are gaining a little control and power here. There will be a way out of this. Do your adult children know what has been happening? Start building and reconnecting with old friends if you feel able. People you would trust. Basically getting the ducks in a row bit by bit. You sound like a very strong lady.. (detail removed by moderator) you can totally do this x

     

    • #111611
       Cake 
      Participant

      Thankyou for your advise I have been in a few courses with the women’s aid but found it was geared towards people that had already been living apart and had very small children , My children have lived with this since they were born they know no different , I feel it is my duty to keep telling them that this is not normal , he is very controlling with them and they never want to spend anytime at home ..
      They are pretty much always working to stay out of his way 🙁
      They are both saving to be able to move out eventually..
      I am so used to the abuse which is sad I can almost take anything he throws at me if you know what I mean ..
      I have been at rock bottom for (detail removed by moderator) and feel I do not know how to be happy or how it feels ..
      I was advised by a solicitor that I would not be entitled to anything ..
      I have looked after the boys forever and him whilst he works and subsequently saves all his money , whilst I have nothing ..
      (Detail removed by moderator)
      I feel completely lost in everything

  • #111624
     Chestnut 
    Participant

    Hello Cake, I can hear your sadness reading your post. Do please tell someone you are feeling this low, a professional, Samaritans or/and your gp. I know you are the one living this but they will want to help you and this adds to giving you strength. The solicitor may have said you are not entitled to anything relative to the house but I wish they had not just left it there. There will be other things you are entitled to. It is likely going to be tough but I think from what you are describing seeking out some advice could be the best thing that has happened for a while. You will be entitled to some benefits if you are not with him, you will be entitled to make some form of housing application (be honest with housing about the situation). Would you consider a refuge? This would at least enable you to get out and then progress from there. If the kids are looking to move out and working do you think they would want to leave with you? You may be entitled to some help with a rental deposit to go into private rented, particularly if they are working. First Point if you have them are amazing have a look on Google help with abuse but also housing. Could also contact shelter.I don’t want you to feel you are trapped in what you are living now. Can you talk to WA today they will have supported people in similar situations. I know it can feel terrifying but it sounds like you need to get out of this house and there will be a way to do this that is safe x

  • #111640
     Dollycat123 
    Participant

    Hi I’m new here and need some advice, I was wondering how I can start a new thread? Thankyou

  • #111641
     Lottieblue 
    Participant

    Hi Dollycat,

    You go to “Forums” and pick the board that you would like to post to – eg “Is it abuse?” Or whichever one applies. Then scroll down and it say “post a New topic” and that’s where you can do it. You need to be logged in first – your system may have logged you out. You can still view threads if you are logged out but need to be logged in to post.

    I hope this helps. I’ll look out for your post. X

  • #111643
     Lottieblue 
    Participant

    Sorry, I’m not sure that was entirely clear. There are various ways and I guess everyone has their own preferred route. Generally, you can see a list down the left hand side of the boards available, but sometimes (depending which page you’re on) they also show up as big coloured blocks. The main thing is that you need to select one of these, then scroll down. X

  • #111644
     Lostforever 
    Participant

    Oh Cake, you sound miserable 🙁

    The first steps are really about planning your escape. I’m not saying it will be easy, but it is most definitely doable.

    Have you spoken with your gp about all this? It’s a good place to start. Plus call the WA or National DV Helpline for practical advice.

    I was in a different situation than you, as I owned the house and everything in it as my ex iz an alcoholic. I also have no children, but I reconnected with friends and family via social media to start with. Can you do that? I had amazing support through what was a very tough time.

    You really deserve to be happy. Getting free was the best thing I ever did.

    Virtual hugs for you x ❤

  • #111660
     Cake 
    Participant

    Thankyou
    I am so desperate to be happy I often think I must of done something terribly wrong in my former life 🙁
    Thankyou for your replies it really does make a difference speaking to people who understand, as a lot of people just don’t get it Thankyou x

  • #111661
     Lostforever 
    Participant

    Don’t ever think you deserved it. You really don’t. Just post whenever you need to. Getting out is the hardest thing and can take years, but everyone deserves to live a life without fear and being controlled x

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

EXIT SITE

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account