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    • #169849
      Bluebirds
      Participant

      I’m still staying strong (detail removed by Moderator) days leaving my home/relationship. He’s at the moment still being nice then fuming. I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Sometimes overwhelming that I miss him then I wonder oh god what am I doing? He can message me all these nice things and I don’t feel anything and i rather him not but when he dont message for long length of time I miss him and feel like oh no this is happening. Sometimes he is pushy like let’s get things sorted now asap. Very mixed at the moment. Is this normal? Am i in the process of detaching? Any help Is much appreciated. He’s also saying he never thought we would split we would work it out in his mind (as always over the years).  I’m just exhausted now with it all.

    • #169850
      Bluebirds
      Participant

      Also it seems to be all about Me now… he keeps saying what do I want? I tell him but its not accepted.

      • #169853
        minimeerkat
        Participant

        its so common to feel one minute like you dont want to hear from them & then the next minute theres panic if you dont! there are so very many confusing & conflicting feelings/emotions to try & deal with, bless your heart especially in the very early stages
        i think a lot of what youre going through could be because of the trauma bonds that develop, which could make you fearful of not having any contact – maybe even when you actually know the best thing for your & your mental health is to stay as far away from him as possible. it really & truly is such an extremely difficult time when you are suffering withdrawal symptoms just like a drug addict would
        it must be exhausting if your partner is also pushing you to get things sorted out, especially when you dont know if youre coming or going – he will know how vulnerable you are right now
        is there any way at all you can limit the contact because this seems to be the worst thing for you at the moment (if of course its safe enough for you to do so). do you feel strong enough to just have a little bit of time to think without his influence – doing anything like this could give you just a little bit of control in a situation which is completely overwhelming – it might help you such a lot
        sadly they all seem to be the same. in my experience if the i love yous etc werent working then the monster would surface – alternating behaviours trying to manipulate us back under their control
        stay strong & take each day as it comes being really kind to yourself x

    • #169988
      Bluebirds
      Participant

      Thankyou for replying. I’m still not back home don’t believe I will ever be going back but I’ve seen him a few times sometimes we row… sometimes we don’t. I think by seeing him it keeps that trauma bond going which I’m trying to break. I’ve not spoken to him in (detail removed by Moderator) and woken up feeling sad today. He’s not messaged either.. just want this all to end.

    • #170047
      Bluebirds
      Participant

      Having a bad day of missing him again… I’ve arranged to collect some things from the house as I’m in the process setting up my room at muns for now! What a mess 🙁

    • #170048
      Littlepixie
      Participant

      I know how hard it is bluebirds. I’m constantly wondering what if is stayed, should we have talked and got counselling etc. I very rarely hear from him although we need to sort out bank stuff. He’d mentioned about meeting and going to bank together. I don’t want to do that as I think I’ll break down.
      Can you get your stuff when he’s out? I took all my stuff with me but had some stuff left in the attic. When he was away I went and got it. It’s so strange going back into the house.
      Sending ❤️xx

    • #170175
      Bluebirds
      Participant

      Thankyou littlepixie – i feel so strange going back into the house. He’s taken a few things down of our memories and got new bedding. I just feel angry more than anything when I went in. I’ve been a few times to collect things when he hasn’t been in. Very surreal. He’s also stopped trying now so I’m not getting Mr nice or Mr nasty last few days. Having a few thoughts is this right etc but I really know it is as hard as it is right now 🙁

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