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    • #162397

      Hi I’m new here. I left my husband (detail removed by Moderator). We haven’t even been married (detail removed by Moderator) yet. We bought a house together (detail removed by Moderator), moving me away from my mum and dad but promising we would still see them often. Well that didnt happen. My daughter is (detail removed by Moderator) and my mum and dad have been like parents to her, they are very close and he stopped her seeing them whenever she wanted to, saying it felt like she didn’t want to spend time with us but he was vile to her, treated her like a maid and called her lazy all the time, told her she should grow up but then saying she is a child and should do what she’s told and not have an attitude when she stood up for herself. He constantly reminded her she was not his daughter and the last straw was when he said me and him.would be better if she wasn’t around. Whenever I stood up for her I would be shouted at and told I never back him up and that I should always back him up. I said I did back him up if I agreed with what he was saying. He would storm off and not eat his dinner, I couldn’t win because if I followed him he would shout abuse at me, calling me names, telling me to f off and get out the house, to leave. The more I tried to reason with him the worse it got. If I didn’t follow him I was told I wasn’t being supportive. He also controlled me. He was allowed to go out every day after work and see his friends and have beers, come home when he wanted. Me and my daughter had to wait to have dinner until he got home because he would kick off if we ate without him. But if I wanted to see a friend, I would have to get his permission and even then I knew he would use it against me somehow. We shared a car and one time I tried to leave and he took the car keys and would not let me go. When I wanted to get my own car he argued with me, saying I can’t afford it – well I could and he didn’t like that. He just didn’t want me to have any freedom. I just keep thinking of more and more examples of things he did that I ignored for so long. Now me and my daughter have left our house, our jobs, everything. I am devistated and embarrassed. I’m scared to be put into temporary accommodation because I just feel so depressed. I suffer with depression anyway and I’m really scared of getting worse.

    • #162412

      Welcome to the forum, sorry you’ve had such a tough time. I can definitely recognise a lot of the same things happened to me. You’ve got absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. These men chose strong, caring, amazing women so be proud of who you are! You might have to take some time to remind yourself of who you are as they love to break us. You should be incredibly proud of leaving, it’s not easy.

      You are going to have good days and bad days, but know the bad days will pass & like the weather – sometimes it’s stormy, torrential even but the sun always shines again. You and your daughter have each other, you’ve saved her from his torment and you’re free! One day soon you’ll notice yourself smiling again in the calm xx

    • #162418

      I had a moment of feeling OK and then I suddenly felt rubbish again and the horrible feeling in my stomach came back. I can’t sleep. I want to erase the part of my life I was with him and go back to being me again. Yes it was a little lonely but I’d rather be a bit lonely than feel like this.

    • #162423

      I feel like I am having a breakdown. I can’t shut my brain up, I can’t get rid of this anxiety in my stomach. I feel scared when my mum, dad or daughter aren’t in the same room as me. I can’t stop shaking. I want to tell him I miss him and I want to go back and just make everything OK, just go back to normal and just deal with it until he feels ready to get help. Which is absolutely ridiculous because I know he won’t get help and I know things won’t get better and I know I won’t be able to just deal with it. I know this, so why do I want to go back?

    • #162424

      Dear Alonewolf,

      I really feel for you, you’ve been forced to make some really difficult decisions to protect yourself and your daughter. I really admire your strength. The way you feel is completely understandable! I resonate with a lot of the things you’ve said and you are not alone in your devastation, I’d say that word perfectly sums up how I feel about the end of my relationship.

      There is a chapter in the book ‘When Love Hurts’ that helped me understand my feelings a little better. That book is pretty great. Please keep posting, too, as long as it’s helpful for you.

      Sending love xx

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