Did you change for the better but people didn’t like it?

[Janedoeissad]

I always like to take positives out of negative situations.

For example, my Ex showed me that having nice things is not a bad thing. Wanting a house to look nice and to treat it nicely makes you feel good. Buying an item of expensive clothing or furniture once in a while is good. Despite his abusive behaviour, this is something positive I have taken with me.

I’ve tried going back to how I was before, but I like having nice things now, I value my property far more than I ever did before. I want to spend a little more money on something so its extra nice and I want it to stay nice, not break. I never used to care. However, other people are making me feel like I just need some more time away from him and then I’ll be “back to normal”. Like wanting things a certain way is a symptom of my anxiety. This is making me incredibly anxious. Like I should be someone I am not anymore. That my new way of looking at things is flawed.

Am I wrong to take this positive out of an awful situation?? Could it be that the process I have gone through in leaving has actually improved my sense of self worth and therefore I look after things more?

[Falling Skys]

Hi

To survive in an abusive relationship we learn focus on the good parts. Liking thing certain ways is our way of coping, things may change in time but neither is that right or wrong.

Though we improve as we distance ourselves from our abuser we have changed so there’s no going back to what we were before.

What does not kill us makes us stronger.

FS

[Author]

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