Different abuse from previous relationship

[Distraught]

Hi,

Iv finally got rid of 1 abusive partner only to find myself in what I think is another.

Iv been with him a while now, he doesn’t criticise me or make me feel bad for seeing friends. He seems so much different to my ex. However, he speaks to me 10x worse than my ex, he has a go at me several times a day about irrelevant things. He drinks often, and when drunk is so loving but then says things that either don’t make sense. Or a slight insult. When I stated he should show me respect, he said I can’t show you respect. I was so upset. I didn’t continue the conversation as he fell asleep.

I’m also so emotional that I’m so scared to lose him as love him more than Iv loved anyone. I get relationship anxiety. If we have a small disagreement I can’t function until it’s resolved. I hate him going out as I want to spend all of my time with him. Therefore am I also wrong. I moan at him about things which are relevant to me but deep down I know they shouldn’t be an issue. He’s great with my children but if he’s having a bad day he can also be awful with them. Isn’t this everyone though? I feel physically sick and unhappy some days but yet he also makes me so happy as we do things together. I never did anything with my ex. My ex. Our exes cause a lot of problems between us as we have children to all. Although I think it’s us that let them cause problems. Daily messages from at least 1 of them if not all 3. I get really annoyed when he’s receiving messages and he doesn’t reply unless it’s about his children. I shouldn’t let it get to me but it does. Then he has an opinion about my ex and he tries to tell me what to do and say. I just want to keep the peace.

My children would be distraught if we split. I would also be devastated. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t go through this again. In some ways I think maybe I just need to chill out, ignore him when he’s had a drink and stop being so consumed by his exes messaging him. He isn’t actually doing anything wrong there.

I’m sure he loves me and I love him I just need to feel a bit more respected. My relationship anxiety is massively taking over.

[Sleepy]

If he doesn’t respect you, is that really love?

[Distraught]

Hi Sleepy,

That is a good point.

[Camel]

“My children would be distraught if we split. I would also be devastated.”

Why???

[Author]

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