Directing anger at pet

[RelearningMe]

We’ve had a cat for over (timeframe removed by Moderator) now and he’s slowly over the past year or so been threatening to rehome it or get it put down. It seems like the vets aren’t actually gonna take his word and put it down but I’m exhausted from this fight. I jump through the hoops that he sets out constantly to keep the cat and then he will suddenly change the rules.

Literally within the space of a day I could be told to do a certain thing or he’s gone, then it doesn’t matter he’s staying to ‘do what you want he’ll be gone soon’. He’s verbally threatening the cat a lot. He will only call him a swear word or a rat now.

 

His point of view is that no matter what I do (scratchers and lemon spray and trying to correct him) the cat will scratch the carpet. Maybe three times a month?

 

My point of view is, I’ve narrowed it down  to rarely. He does it when he wants in a room or out. He’s literally just being a cat?

 

I feel like I’m the worst pet mum ever because I’m losing the fight in me for the cat. I’m close to accepting that he’s gone.

[Sad and alone]

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your situation. Pets are so important to us and it’s extremely unfair to make you feel that way about your obviously much-loved cat. I could only assume this is just another way to get to you, especially if the goalposts keep changing. Another way to try and exert control. Has the cat always done it over the past (timeframe removed by Moderator) years or is it a recent thing?

I understand the situation in a way, the main reason I am still in the relationship is because I have an elderly pet that I wouldn’t be able to take with me but that I would worry wouldn’t be looked after properly if I left. He generally loves animals, and the pet, but he can get wound up by certain behaviours and then call the pet a name or say they’re doing whatever on purpose. I worry he would lose patience, not be able to deal with its health needs, and use this as an excuse for the pet to be put down.

So I absolutely get it. These animals are often a major source of comfort and you shouldn’t have to feel they’re being threatened. Could you make it clear to him that you are upset by this? Would he care? Appreciate that he might not. But at least you can know that you have ticked the box of making sure he’s aware of how you feel. So that if he continues in such a manner that you know he is doing it to upset you.

Take care of yourself and your precious cat xx

[Twisted Sister]

Hello RelearningMe

All of that is so bad for you, and your cat. I would remove your cat to a place of safety whilst you decide how to go on with your situation, and perhaps tell him you’ve rehomed it permanently because it was upsetting him so much you couldn’t bear it anymore, which does sound like you say you are feeling. Do you have a friend who would take it in whilst you make decisions about your own safety and future?

It’s very common perpetrator behaviour to use pets (and children) to hurt and make you do as they want. The poor cat isn’t doing anything wrong, just doing what cats do yes, but everyone will discourage cats from clawing their carpets and furniture I would have thought, but you can’t do more than you are doing.  Having a few of those cheap cardboard scratchy boards about the place might encourage scratching in the places you want, as if they have nowhere they can scratch they will have to scratch something to keep their claws healthy.  A harmless water mister sprayed might discourage more when they use anywhere else?

Good luck with your decisions.

warmest wishes

ts

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Twisted sisters idea to remove the cat from the potential abuse sounds sensible, and of course to put an end to you being abused through your love for your pet. There are some charities which can help, ‘Refuge for pets’  help people in abusive situations to escape by providing loving foster homes for pets until you can find a safe place for you and them, and take them back.

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