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Please Benson don’t make contact with him. Don’t confront him, that’s what he wants. Please read chapter 8 entitled “Persistence, persistence, persistence” in the book “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker to see why it is so important if you want him to stop and for your safety and that of your daughter that you resist the urge to make contact with him. This is what he wants. Please keep posting for strength and support to resist your urge to confront him. Contact with him will make a bad situation worse.
This is so hard for you and you’re doing brilliant. Maybe up your support at this difficult time. Ring WA also as well as post here all your feelings and thoughts.
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You said in your earlier post Benson that you are being constantly tormented, watched and threatened. Can you elaborate more for us without it being obvious? So we can go through each thing he is doing so you can continue to ignore and you can resist contact. As long as you resist contact with him you keep the upper hand. You are in control. He may persist(you can’t control that) but you can “resist “ giving him a reaction.
Keep posting as this is mental torture and mental pressure but our support will help relieve some of that pressure.
It’s so hard but he had to eventually get fed up of no reaction from you. Don’t feed his behaviour with your attention. Post on here as you are doing. Ring Women’s Aid or Samaritans late at night if u need to.
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Yes he’s looking for a reaction. Here’s an excerpt from “The gift of fear” it’s the chapter “persistence, persistence (dealing with people who refuse to let go”).
“ This was too much for Mike. He felt he had to take some real action now. It is at this point in situations that a fascinating thing happens:The pursuer and the victim begin to actually have something in common – neither wants to let go. The pursuer is obsessed with getting a response and the victim becomes obsessed with making the harassment stop. What the pursuer is really saying is ‘I will not allow you ignore me.’ He’ll push buttons until one provokes a reaction, and then as long as it works he’ll keep pushing it”.
Hope this helps. It’s so important not to participate in his horrible game. Doing nothing is a very important strategy when dealing with his type. No engagement with him is essential. I know it’s so hard to sit around and do nothing while he behaves like this. But you’re not doing nothing. You can be coming on here and reading the posts.
You have to resist his pursuit. Each time he does the things you have described and you do nothing he gets the message you can resist his pursuit.
It is so hard to resist responding to his actions but he won’t stop if you are anyone else demands he stops. He will only stop if nobody makes him stop.
The book also says” There is an almost irresistible urge to do something dramatic to threats and harassment, but often appearing to do nothing is the best plan.
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I am trying hard to ignore, hopefully it will stop! Thank you for the title of the book, I have ordered a copy, so will hopefully it will give me some strength. I am finding it really difficult, this weekend another incident, very threatening. I find it hard to relax and sleep as very nervous, but still have to continue to get up and go to work – putting the brave make up on!!! I am exhausted, just hope it will stop.
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Actually I disagree. These man can be dangerous and I do not know your situation but only you can evaluate of his actions are escalating. You must tell the police, and get a record of the incidences set up and recorded with them every time. Harassment is a crime, by the way.thats why we nice people don’t do it. If the police approach him it sends a warning shot every time.
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Benson you should find the “gift of fear book” very helpful in your situation. Doing nothing is a very powerful strategy especially when you say you have gathered the evidence and nothing can be done. Maybe get a calendar and mark on it with a sticker the days he does one of his attention seeking antics. As you say there are many days where he leaves you alone (he’s busy with his other fuel supplies). Then you may come into his mind and he thinks he’ll harass you so he can get some fuel from his old supply. They are desperate for supply so that’s there every waking moment where to get it. Keep resisting contact and cut off his fuel supply.
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