Divorce

[itwillbeokay]

How do people go from leaving and being separated to starting to divorce? I can’t imagine how I will ever do it. I’ve seen a Solicitor, I even qualify for Legal Aid currently, she says I could do unreasonable behaviour. I’m also due to inherit some money in September which could become part of a divorce settlement even though he is unemployed and hasn’t worked in a couple of years so hasn’t supported me or our children.

But I’m scared and sad to go ahead and think of him receiving a letter. Plus he’s being nice at the moment so I’m worried about turning things into a battle ground. We have nothing to fight over financially, it’s only our children to cause issues over. It just all seems so scary and I think he’d be shocked but then again why, I’ve left and am not going back so why can’t I do this?!

Xx

[Iwon]

Just my opinion. I would be getting a quickue divorce. Get it now and keep your own inheritance. You need that money to bring up his children as he sure as he’ll has no intention of helping you. Sorry if I sound hard but he is going to go nasty when he don’t get his own way x

[KIP.]

Totally agree with Iwon. He is playing games. Probably knows if you don’t move quickly he will get money from the inheritance and trust me your kids won’t see a penny. Also, while you have legal aid and the reason for divorce, please push ahead. When they’re nice to us it’s for a reason. The nice them is the fake them. Grab your inheritance. Tell yourself if you’re wrong then you can share it if you want to but to wait will be very costly financially and emotionally x

[itwillbeokay]

Just to clarify he has no idea about any inheritance and I almost think he wouldn’t even take it but Solicitor said I’d need to disclose the money if I had it. It’s due in September but presumably divorce takes longer than that anyway?

x

[KIP.]

From what I know the date of separation is when finances are divided. So that neither him or you can run up joint debt after that date which you would be liable for. As well as drawing a line under financial claims. Make sure this is dealt with by your solicitor. Never underestimate these abusers. They are liars and cheats and will do anything to get the upper hand. I thought the same. Never knowing my ex was stealing tens of thousands and having an affair at the same time while I defended him and made excuses. They are ruthless when push comes to shove. Protect yourself and your kids future.

[maddog]

My now ex was nagging me about my mum’s will and called me a liar for not telling him she’d died. He’d already been told. Until decree nisi he could still make a claim. He was vile about my mum’s death and only wanted her money.

[KIP.]

Ah maddog. Different country. Different laws. We do not get a nisi and absolute where I am. Still push forward for a quickie divorce based on unreasonable behaviour but the clock is ticking.

[Iwon]

You don’t have money now. Get The divorce quick. You are expectingvsoneone who has been abusive and financially abusive during the marriage to start being nicer in the divorce.??? So your rejecting hi and feeling sorry for him receiving divorce papers. I would get a few free half hours with solicitors and get a few second opinions.

Do you know that story about the rabbit asking the scorpion for a lift in his back. He said you promise you won’t sting me if I accept yourvgelp. He jumps on his back and just as they get over the dangerous river he stings him. The rabbit said but you promised you would be nice. Why did you dying me? The scorpion said because I am a scorpion. It is my nature to sting. That’s what scorpions do.

You will be bringing your kids up with no financial assistance. They is tough. This is your opportunity to secure may be a roof over there head and food on the table. Believe me he will get nasty one you start divorce and go for everything he can. Do but for your kids please.

I fought my ex over finances because he had bankrupted me and lived off me for years. I got just enough to buy an apartment.

What that means is I have no mortgage. I still had some joint debts but my earnings meant I could give my child essential things and little holidays. Who’s security is most important? Your children or your soon to be ex?

I think you are still in the fog of abuse. I was for years…. You are feeling sorry for him. Don’t want to hurt his feelings. The msn who has destroyed his own marriage by abusing your children, and breaking up his children’s family…. but it’s such a shame. You worry about how he will cope with you not allowing him to abuse you anymore or damage your children by them watching there mom be either verbally mentally emotionally or physically abusive to you.

Please know this is sent with love. If your sister or best friend was telling you this. How she doesn’t want to protect her children and herself from an abuser because she doesn’t want to hurt the abuser.

Can you call wa and talk this through with them.thry know there stuff. I used to feel like this about my poor depressed vulnerable husband.

Then I found he had forged my signature and racked up loads of marital debt which I was liable for. Without my families help we would have been homeless with no food.

This was when he was crying suicidal and saying he wasn’t bothered about himself. All he cared about was his son.

I would have really regretted it if I had not fought for our rights because he had stolen our past and made it it he’ll and he was not going to ruin my future.

Purely from a practical point of view you will move forward and want to create a good decent life for you and your children. Money isn’t everything but food on the table, being able to give your kids clothescamd school uniform, sweetie, the odd day out.

WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE….. BELIEVE YHEM!!!!!!
Don t listen to his words because you know he words mean nothing.

WATCH HIS ACTIONS. Cxxx sent with concern x

[Iwon]

One more comment. I agree with earlier comment. Finances should be split from time of desperation. Get second opinion. Good luck hun x

[Iwon]

Sorry not desperation I meant seperation!!!!

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