Do abusers know they’re abusive

[J@jmum]

What’s people’s thoughts.

Do you think your abusers know they’re abusive?
Are they denying things knowing they’re lying
or
do they believe their own words.

[diymum@1]

in my experience i firmly believe he thought he was entitled to do/act in every way that he did. i think they are deluded an d truly live in a separate realm.they dont see themselves nor do theyre families. abusers deny all because they will never take responsibility for their actions – even when the proof and facts are put infront of them and theyre exposed – even defeated still i do believe they think they are above us and even more they are delusional in that they think they are higher than the law xxxx

[diymum@1]

however this isnt actually the case! when official people see this the abuser becomes completely discredited xx

[Fudgecake]

I think they feel it’s their divine right to control and dominate. So to a certain extent, yes I think they are aware but it’s an entitled awareness. They do live in a different realty from the rest of us tho.

[J@jmum]

I agree- never taking responsibility for anything is exactly what I’ve seen him be like and not just over abuse, literally everything.
True even with evidence they still don’t give in.

I’m yet to see any professional pickup on it and don’t really see wether you can spot and abuser through chats and tests. Psychologist certainly didn’t for my end. Seems they’re literally invincible unless they’re stupid enough to leave evidence behind or do it around witnesses, which from my end at least is basically never.

[KIP.]

Try to read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven and Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Both great books. Will help you understand that yes they know and choose to behave the way they do x

[NewWings]

I’ve read all of these books and one by Hare on Psychopathic personality disorder. Hare said himself that they are head mashers and that they are so skilled they can even fool him and he’s studied them throughout the penal system in Canada. Those books are invaluable, but a word of warning, my ex kept getting into the house even though I told the kids not to let the keys out of their sight in fact I wouldn’t let them go to his house with them. He must have been in my bedroom as the next thing he’s telling everyone that in his opinion I was a psychopath. When he spoke to me it was horrific as he was so threatening and down right sinister. What do the books say whatever you do don’t tell a psychopath they’re a psychopath. They know the truth alright, but seeing it in print is another story. Why because there is no self reflection, if you tell them what they’ve done they PRETEND they don’t remember and on you go telling them exactly what happened and they don’t care(I think at this stage they’re laughing up their sleeves”. They know EXACTLY what they’ve done and they do it again and again and with multiple partners, because fear works and they mix up fear with respect and they’re generally so self righteous and entitled. Yes they know they’re bullies and they love the sense of power it gives them they wouldn’t dare try it on another bloke or let them know their dirty secret as most men would think this guy is a coward beating up women.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Absolutely! The best argument is that they do it hidden, behind closed doors. If they wouldn’t think it is inappropriate and illegal they would do it in plain sight whenever they please.

[Flowerchild]

If they really didn’t know it was wrong, they’d do it to everyone else, too!

The ones who do that are in and out of jail like yo-yos.

If he’s at liberty, he’s making choices based in what he believes he’s both entitled to AND can get away with.

Flower x

[J@jmum]

Valid point ladies, it wouldn’t be hidden if they didn’t see any wrong doing.
Thanks, i shall remind myself that whenever doubt creeps in about him perhaps changing and is trying do right by kids now- no no just more lies and games for sure!
He playing such nice guy lately as he has lost control of everything and only way to work his way back in and people stop keeping eye on him. Working tho with a lot of professionals

[Author]

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