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    • #131430
      Gazebo
      Participant

      Morning all
      I spend every day dreading having to be intimate to have to have sex, I do it just to get it out of the way even initiate it sometimes to get it out of the way – do any of you just say no not doing it, how long do you go without giving it hoe do they react, the more I don’t the more worse he becomes I get messages every day from him saying he’s in the mood it’s like he’s thinking she doesn’t want it but I’m going to make her want it and make her enjoy it but it’s not going to happen I absolutely hate it 🙁 I feel so sad my days are spent thinking like this xx

    • #131431
      Bettertimesahead
      Participant

      I was very similar to you, would initiate it just to get it done. I would often lie and say I thought the children ( adult) might be home soon or not tell if I knew they were out all day to delay it too. Mine would write down occasions when there was “opportunity” and I hadn’t done it and then throw a strop. Alcohol was an issue too, I remember one occasion where he wouldn’t wake up in morning, he expected sex every morning if I was there. In the end I gave up trying to wake him and got up. When he eventually got up he blanked me then hit totally stroppy as he didn’t get to see me naked. My fault he didn’t wake up apparently… Thankfully he’s no longer in house but just making everything as awkward as possible as in his head we are getting back together…
      I actually like waking up in the morning now, there’s not the dread of the ” chore” to be done.

      • #131473
        Gazebo
        Participant

        So glad your free, it’s so hard the sulks and moods and then I get did you enjoy that when I just want to cry and feel so sad I have to do it just to stop him moaning or being moody I get your my wife you should want to do it 🙁 xx

    • #131433
      Jedi warrior
      Participant

      Hi I’m out now after a long marriage and still coming to terms with what was normal for me to have to live with ..if I used to say no I would get him getting angry and slamming doors on his way out ..used to say what’s it worth if he helped me so I would be thinking I’m so tired but I best do it for him helping me ..would keep asking had I finished my period ..or would pester on a daily basis ..would say how well he could sleep after it like I was responsible for him having a good night’s sleep ..would say how long it had been even if couple days without ..would wear me down until I gave in ..he called it rejecting him if I said no .

    • #131441
      Eyesopening
      Participant

      Here is a good chain to read,
      Lots of us had similar experiences,
      I’m not long out and it’s all a bit of a puzzle still.
      But I do believe they brainwash us to think it’s normal, only now do I start to see how unhealthy it was.

      At what point does giving into sex to keep the peace become rape?

      • #131474
        Gazebo
        Participant

        @jediwatrior I also get the well what do I get in return then, makes me feel sick I don’t ask him to do anything now he does nothing to help me out but still expects sex and then I get I’m feeling anxious sex would help feel like I’m just being used to make him feel better makes me so sad xx

      • #131475
        Gazebo
        Participant

        Thank you very interesting read 🙁 xx

    • #131477
      Jedi warrior
      Participant

      Gazebo I get how it makes you feel ..it makes you sad and anxious and they don’t get how it makes us feel because it’s all about what they need. Sending hugs and do things for your own wellbeing if you can ..

    • #131479
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      Hey gazebo, yep all the time every day this is my life too. I also just say yes as it means hes often in a better mood and i get a break. Makes me feel like a prostitute some days as if i need money or the kids need something i have to have sex for it. He makes it sound like a game a joke a bit of fun but its not. Recently i have been saying no due to being poorly but I still often have to help him out shall we say as he cant go more than a couple of days. The more i say no the worse he gets with the you are having an affair or the nasty you are ugly etc comments so be carwful and be mindful that hes only saying it to hurt you. I guess we have got to gwt stronger get better at saying no and meaning it maybe thats the only way they will learn. Stay safe stay strong and remember the problem is his not yours xx

    • #131670
      Flowersandcats
      Participant

      I let him pressure me too, and made me think that I secretly didn’t love him or find him attractive and that was why I didn’t want to have sex everyday. I then began to take control, it is scary because they don’t like it whatsoever. But when it’s constant you can’t take it anymore. You are not an object.
      Tell him to take care of it himself if you know what I mean ..

      But at one point I did lose my s**t and said ‘the only way we’re going to have sex right now is if you force me’ and if you do that I’ll call the police. They don’t realise the added pressure 24/7 makes your sex drive disappear. Keep being strong and don’t do anything you truly do not want to do. He made me feel like I was the abnormal one, but i wasn’t . Sometimes it takes a long time for the clouds to clear but stick to your guns girl. We got you.

      • #131703
        Gazebo
        Participant

        Thank you xx I could cry this morning he’s having a go at me  (detail removed by moderator) and not one of us a male but of course it’s my fault 🙁 I really hate living like this it’s just the constant digs and having a go and sulking and making me out like I’m stupid putting down my job – having a very down day today and only 6.45 am 🙁 xx

    • #131704
      Gazebo
      Participant

      I do need to get stronger and say no as soon as weve done it I get messages(detail removed by moderator)….I find it all so weird the way he behaves and acts xx

      • #131706
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        @gazebo ahh sweetie, I really do feel for you and understand completly.
        Reach out talk to womans aid babe get some help.
        You are strong and amazing and deserve more than this x

    • #131705
      KIP.
      Participant

      Contact your local women’s aid and ring the national domestic abuse helpline or the rape crisis helpline. You need support with this x

    • #131762
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Hi Gazebo . I feel very very similar to you. I’ve had him shouting , swearing , belittling me when I’ve said no . I feel utter disgust in myself for giving in . I think that’s why alot of the time I dislike myself .

    • #131763
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m in touch with outside support. I just need to gain some confidence.

    • #131764
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I spoke to one person at womens aid and I described something to her and she explained that sexual coercion was occuring. To hear this from her was truly shocking . Its truly unbelievable.

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