Do any of you deny them sex..

[Gazebo]

Morning all
I spend every day dreading having to be intimate to have to have sex, I do it just to get it out of the way even initiate it sometimes to get it out of the way – do any of you just say no not doing it, how long do you go without giving it hoe do they react, the more I don’t the more worse he becomes I get messages every day from him saying he’s in the mood it’s like he’s thinking she doesn’t want it but I’m going to make her want it and make her enjoy it but it’s not going to happen I absolutely hate it 🙁 I feel so sad my days are spent thinking like this xx

[Bettertimesahead]

I was very similar to you, would initiate it just to get it done. I would often lie and say I thought the children ( adult) might be home soon or not tell if I knew they were out all day to delay it too. Mine would write down occasions when there was “opportunity” and I hadn’t done it and then throw a strop. Alcohol was an issue too, I remember one occasion where he wouldn’t wake up in morning, he expected sex every morning if I was there. In the end I gave up trying to wake him and got up. When he eventually got up he blanked me then hit totally stroppy as he didn’t get to see me naked. My fault he didn’t wake up apparently… Thankfully he’s no longer in house but just making everything as awkward as possible as in his head we are getting back together…
I actually like waking up in the morning now, there’s not the dread of the ” chore” to be done.

[Gazebo]

So glad your free, it’s so hard the sulks and moods and then I get did you enjoy that when I just want to cry and feel so sad I have to do it just to stop him moaning or being moody I get your my wife you should want to do it 🙁 xx

[Jedi warrior]

Hi I’m out now after a long marriage and still coming to terms with what was normal for me to have to live with ..if I used to say no I would get him getting angry and slamming doors on his way out ..used to say what’s it worth if he helped me so I would be thinking I’m so tired but I best do it for him helping me ..would keep asking had I finished my period ..or would pester on a daily basis ..would say how well he could sleep after it like I was responsible for him having a good night’s sleep ..would say how long it had been even if couple days without ..would wear me down until I gave in ..he called it rejecting him if I said no .

[Eyesopening]

Here is a good chain to read,
Lots of us had similar experiences,
I’m not long out and it’s all a bit of a puzzle still.
But I do believe they brainwash us to think it’s normal, only now do I start to see how unhealthy it was.

At what point does giving into sex to keep the peace become rape?

[Gazebo]

@jediwatrior I also get the well what do I get in return then, makes me feel sick I don’t ask him to do anything now he does nothing to help me out but still expects sex and then I get I’m feeling anxious sex would help feel like I’m just being used to make him feel better makes me so sad xx

[Gazebo]

Thank you very interesting read 🙁 xx

[Jedi warrior]

Gazebo I get how it makes you feel ..it makes you sad and anxious and they don’t get how it makes us feel because it’s all about what they need. Sending hugs and do things for your own wellbeing if you can ..

[Gazebo]

I’m really struggling today he’s been home and done naff all and now I’m putting kids to bed and he messaging saying excited about tonight 🙁 honestly just makes me want to cry xx

[nbumblebee]

Hey gazebo, yep all the time every day this is my life too. I also just say yes as it means hes often in a better mood and i get a break. Makes me feel like a prostitute some days as if i need money or the kids need something i have to have sex for it. He makes it sound like a game a joke a bit of fun but its not. Recently i have been saying no due to being poorly but I still often have to help him out shall we say as he cant go more than a couple of days. The more i say no the worse he gets with the you are having an affair or the nasty you are ugly etc comments so be carwful and be mindful that hes only saying it to hurt you. I guess we have got to gwt stronger get better at saying no and meaning it maybe thats the only way they will learn. Stay safe stay strong and remember the problem is his not yours xx

[Anonymous]

Hey gazebo It’s just purely n**********c dehumanising behaviour, abusive controlling men intentionally get their partners pregnant sometimes as means of invisible ropes, one tried it with me but I was not having any of it, i was called s**g on a few occasions by this person for saying no( like “someone” seriously needs to look up the word contradiction) my first boyfriend pestered me till I gave in by breaking my already little self esteem till he got me there my 2nd long term didn’t even listen one time when I said no ( this is how deluded and under I was in it that I thought because it was within my relationship that that’s just the way it was) sometimes getting me to perform acts I didn’t even like by telling me I never do anything for him( just blatant guilt tripping and bullying) I’d seen my mam growing up and how miserable she was and my dad had a temper, they both did, I learned from them what relationships were all about and how they treated me too was a normal thing (only normal for abuse) It’s a vicious cycle and it needs to be stopped for future generations, out of every abuse I’ve suffered it’s this type that affected me the most ( I don’t even know why?)I also couldn’t explain some of it till I educated myself and coercive control seemed to match, anyway sending love and healing vibes to all on the thread ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💗💫

[Flowersandcats]

I let him pressure me too, and made me think that I secretly didn’t love him or find him attractive and that was why I didn’t want to have sex everyday. I then began to take control, it is scary because they don’t like it whatsoever. But when it’s constant you can’t take it anymore. You are not an object.
Tell him to take care of it himself if you know what I mean ..

But at one point I did lose my s**t and said ‘the only way we’re going to have sex right now is if you force me’ and if you do that I’ll call the police. They don’t realise the added pressure 24/7 makes your sex drive disappear. Keep being strong and don’t do anything you truly do not want to do. He made me feel like I was the abnormal one, but i wasn’t . Sometimes it takes a long time for the clouds to clear but stick to your guns girl. We got you.

[Gazebo]

Thank you xx I could cry this morning he’s having a go at me  (detail removed by moderator) and not one of us a male but of course it’s my fault 🙁 I really hate living like this it’s just the constant digs and having a go and sulking and making me out like I’m stupid putting down my job – having a very down day today and only 6.45 am 🙁 xx

[Flowersandcats]

I know this is late, as i haven’t logged in in a while. But if you ever wanna talk things over just private message me and I’m more than happy to hear you out, your not alone. We all got you, even if it’s just a rant when no one else will listen, I understand, stay strong xx

[Gazebo]

Thank you 🥰that means a lot x*x

[Gazebo]

I do need to get stronger and say no as soon as weve done it I get messages(detail removed by moderator)….I find it all so weird the way he behaves and acts xx

[nbumblebee]

@gazebo ahh sweetie, I really do feel for you and understand completly.
Reach out talk to womans aid babe get some help.
You are strong and amazing and deserve more than this x

[KIP.]

Contact your local women’s aid and ring the national domestic abuse helpline or the rape crisis helpline. You need support with this x

[Gazebo]

Thank you I will I just find it hard to find time to do it with him here and I have two little ones never seems a good time to be actually able to sit down and contact someone my doctors have said I can contact anyone there if I need to as make an appt go in and they will contact people for me maybe that needs to be my next step as I can make excuses for docs appts xx

[Stargazing1]

Hi Gazebo . I feel very very similar to you. I’ve had him shouting , swearing , belittling me when I’ve said no . I feel utter disgust in myself for giving in . I think that’s why alot of the time I dislike myself .

[Stargazing1]

I’m in touch with outside support. I just need to gain some confidence.

[Stargazing1]

I spoke to one person at womens aid and I described something to her and she explained that sexual coercion was occuring. To hear this from her was truly shocking . Its truly unbelievable.

[Gazebo]

Are you still in the relationship I do want to escape I just don’t ever see a way out I feel completely trapped 🙁 xx

[Stargazing1]

Hi Gazebo . Apologies for the late reply. Unfortunately I am still in this relationship. I’ve made enquiries in the past about refuge but I wanted to get out on the day I made the enquiries and apparently it could not happen that quick. It is hard to get out of this horrible stuff. I dont know if refuge is something you would consider. I’ve got some outside help this could be an option for you to help . I’ve only just started the outside help so like everything things take time . If you can contact a local womens aid I’m sure they could help you somehow. It’s not easy asking for help I didn’t want too but I realised I could not do this without extra support. You might feel able to share your story with them and it could be a start of you feeling less trapped. Take care of yourself. You might not be able to take a giant leap just yet but small steps count .

[Stargazing1]

I’ve been ill for a while now and that is most probably why I have only just started to get outside help . It’s probably a poor excuse but I really have been very ill . So I’ve really have had a lot to put up with but as they say I’m still standing. Struggling along but still standing.

[Stargazing1]

Hi gazebo I dont know if anything I have written helps . I’ve not been on the forum that long . I think feeling trapped is a natural feeling in any situation of this description. Dont be too hard on yourself . Statistics show it can take 7 attempts to flee. It may not be the same for everyone some may escape sooner. It is so very hard . As I’ve said before if you can get some outside help it could be the start of something really good for you . Take care 🙂

[Gazebo]

Thank you stargazing – sorry for late reply I find it hard to get on her as don’t get much time to myself xx I think that’s why I’ve not really contacted anyone else as I don’t get a min as I have (detail removed by moderator) so not much time for me to speak to anyone. I also have that fear of splitting up the family and taking the kids away from their dad and what will he do! I’m feeling ill tonight and just want to go to bed once I’ve got my children to bed (of course he’s not helping) and he’s like (detail removed by moderator) but all I want to do is go to sleep but he will sulk…. Never feel I can do what I want to do we are going away this weekend nice to get away but for me it’s just the same routine away from home xx
I hope your feeling a little better I wish all of us ladies didn’t have to live like this xx

[Stargazing1]

Hi Gazebo. I am sorry for the very late reply . I’m not feeling myself at all a lot to deal with. That’s probably why I’m not posting much recently. Things are rubbish here and I’m really really down . I’m sorry I’m not posting anything positive I’m finding things really hard. Please take care of yourself. Best wishes.

[Gazebo]

Please try and get some help, I know it’s easier said than done – I haven’t yet and had an awful day yesterday again all because of sex I even said to him it’s all you think about and he said yeah he just doesn’t care I have no drive for it at all he just expects it and even says he shouldn’t have to sort himself out I’m his wife so should want to!! 🙁 I was so glad to get to work yesterday just to switch off from it all xx sending you hugs sorry I’m rubbish at advise find it hard to give when I can’t even get myself out of this xx

[nbumblebee]

@gazebo, sounds like things are really pants your end? sending you much love sweetie you too stargazing xx

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