Do I have PTSD?

[Raspberry]

I have been out of the relationship for a number of years and in a new one for a while.
I have suddenly started to become extremely anxious about him doing something to me in later life.
It was incredibly emotionally abusive, he had children and an ex wife who I didn’t realise had done almost the same to. She had no contact with him and custody was 50/50.
I was young and naive and didn’t realise he was abusing me until right until towards the end and looking back I think he knew I was truly done and about to leave which is when he attacked me.
He had only touched me once before that (crushed my hand) and we had gone to counselling because of it. A week later and he attacked me then panicked and called the police on me.
I was in my 20s and never been in trouble with the police in my life. I had to go in the back of a van and sit in a cell over night because of the accusations he had made. Nothing came of it and I told the police everything. They believed me thankfully but to this day I haven’t gone back, seen him or the children and we were engaged.
I got friends to clear the house out and have not had contact since.
He has created an online profile to comment on something once or twice since but that is it. I’ve heard nothing for a couple of years but it’s scaring me.
I am happy in my new relationship, have since gone through much *more* trauma physically – nearly dying in an accident but this is making me much more anxious.

I kick myself a lot now that I’m away for not going back to the police and reporting him instead because he would have almost definitely got in to trouble. I was scared he’d kill me if i affected the custody of his kids and I was scared of him as he knew all the laws of coercive control inside and out because his ex wife accused him of it (not with the police – generally). I thought I wouldn’t have a chance and end up just being dragged through court and being more distressed. Best to cut my losses and go however Now I can’t stop thinking he’s going to do something else in 10 or 20 years time out of the blue.
Is this normal?

[KIP.]

Hi, it does sound very much like PTSD. Very often a new trauma will trigger an old trauma that the brain has buried. It would be good for you to speak to your GP and look into some counselling with someone trained in trauma and domestic abuse. It’s not too late to report his historical abuse. You can make a statement to the police so that they have it on record and if other women have reported him too it can be used as corroboration. You may find he’s been reported before. For me, reporting him empowered me. It might not be the thing for you to do yet but once you deal with the trauma he’s left you with it could be an option for you. I was also young and naive and my abuser didn’t even tell me he was married. He saw me as vulnerable. There’s always a power imbalance in abuse. It’s extremely unlikely that he would do anything to you in later life as these men are cowards and you’re not the same naive girl,you were. You know his game now and you know why he chose to victimise you. These predators will go for vulnerable women they can manipulate. That’s not you anymore x

[Raspberry]

Thanks Kip – is it possible to ‘report’ it historically to the police so it’s on record without them going to arrest him?

[KIP.]

Yes. Speak to victim support as you can report it to a third party and they can then report it to the police so that your name is kept out of it. You may find that other women have already reported him too so your statement would help corroborate their statement. I believe other organisations can do the same like Rape Crisis. Creating that profile to comment is harrassment too. It might help you to take back control of things. I’d definitely get some therapy in place before tackling anything else. That will give you strength and coping strategies for the anxiety x

[Raspberry]

Sorry Escapee I’ve just seen this response but thank you very much. I am still very much letting the anxiety take over – I am constantly panicking if his children are ok, whether he’ll try to do manipulate someone who knows me at all in later life. The older and happier I get the more I realise how much he emotionally tried to take over.
I have no contact with him at all and we haven’t spoken in years, I’ve blocked him on all fronts but occasionally look at his profiles. I assume he’s got a new partner but he wouldn’t put anything obvious online – I imagine it’s because he thinks I might message her. I probably would to be honest as I don’t believe he’s a safe or nice person at all.
My anxiety now stems around the children – they were very young when I met them and I almost hope they don’t remember me. I left so suddenly and we were very very close and when I was there I think it was calmer and full of love and joy. Now a few years later I dread to think he’s reverted back to the angry little man I first met with them. I know there isn’t much I can do but I do worry.

[Author]

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