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    • #119468
      Ziggy
      Participant

      I want to thank everyone on this form. I’m returning after a while. And it’s taken a while but I’m almost free. Not sure if I will ever be completely free, but free enough.

      We have young kids together. He’s not involved in parenting, never has been. He video calls (detail removed by Moderator) a week and goes through bursts of visiting them. He’s lately been trying to charm, pressure, scare and whatever other way he can think of, me into getting back with him.

      I’m finally relocating (detail removed by Moderator), a good (detail removed by Moderator) or so away from him. But I don’t want any trouble. He’s going to flip when he finds out. Do I have to tell him where we are living?? Obviously, he will always have the kids to use as a weapon whenever he feels like it.

      I’m a bit nervous about this. Do I have any options? Does anyone know?

    • #119471
      maddog
      Participant

      My ex abandoned our children. I’ve gone No Contact with him, so when he asked where I was moving to I didn’t respond. If you’re going onto the Electoral Roll, please speak to them first so they can advise you on how to keep your details hidden.

      If he wants contact with the children, make sure that it’s direct contact with them if possible, so you don’t have to speak to him at all. Keep notes on how the children are before contact and how they behave towards you afterwards whether he’s seeing them in the flesh or not. Can you get a cheap phone for them just for this to happen?

      He will have to go through the family courts if he has problems, and it’s really important that you can provide evidence that you are not preventing the children having contact with him. Rights Of Women will be able to advise you further. They’re fantastic. You need time and patience to get through as they’re incredibly busy. Please don’t be put off if you don’t get through after 2 hours of redialing. Keep going. When you get through to them it’s like water in a drought.

      Citizen’s Advice usually has a solicitor who can advise. Women’s Aid also often has a solicitor who can help. The Domestic Abuse team on 101 will also be able to point you in the right direction.

      Until you have legal advice, tell him nothing, but do your best to allow him contact with the children. For the time being he really doesn’t need to know where you live. Please remember the Grey Rock method.

      You’re not alone. xx

    • #119522
      hop
      Participant

      Get legal advice. You would think the answer would be no but my lawyer said it was just giving him more stupid reasons to take me back to court so I told him.

    • #119551
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      No please don’t share your new address with him. It’s your address, you don’t owe him anything, you don’t have to share any personal information about your new life, he has no right to be part of it anymore.

      You can do hand over at a contact center or in front of a police station or have a third party do the handovers with the children. Cut him out of your life as much as possible.

      Do seek legal advice and never believe and trust whatever he says.

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