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    • #144134
      Weemebreeze
      Participant

      Hi Ladies

      Looking for a bit of advise please. I just found out that my abusive ex has split from his current partner and she’s moved out temporarily. According to local people, he’s been extremely controlling and she’s “had enough”. It seems she left in a hurry during the night and took her kid  (detail removed by Moderator) with her. I’ve heard from a mutual friend that he’s laying it on thick trying to get her to go back…..

      I was lucky. I dont have kids and I have a strong career so I was able to remove myself. I’ve heard that she is completely financially dependent on him (no job), has been isolated from her family and friends and is tied to him via various loans etc. She has a child. I didn’t report my ex to the police despite the fact he was extremely abusive emotionally and financially because i was scared of what he’d do next or that i wouldn’t be believed, and to be honest, i simply wasn’t strong enough to deal with it. My worry is that he’s been abusive again and this girl is vulnerable…..I’m torn because i dont know whether to reach out to her and let her know my experience so that she can make an informed decision or is it going to get back to him and he’ll be angrier than ever that i’ve interfered….

      urgh. thoughts welcome xx

    • #144140
      beachhut
      Participant

      Difficult, you are between and rock and a hard place here. I really think this has to be what you feel you can deal with and if you do reach out to her any consequence that this will incur, she could be grateful for the information and the fact that you understand what she is dealing with, then it could go completely the opposite and you could be considered as the nosey ex causing trouble. It is all well and good going on hearsay from the local people but this is not alway necessarily an accurate view of the circumstances. I would do whatever I feel my conscience would let me live with, and weigh up how much you think the information you are getting is correct. Good luck.

    • #144141
      KIP.
      Participant

      You can use Claire’s Law and the police will contact her and warn her. Talk to your local domestic abuse police officers. He won’t know you’re behind it and she can be warned and maybe signposted to womens aid. I wouldn’t get directly involved. You know it’s likely she will retune again and again especially without help.

    • #144142
      The Duchess
      Participant

      Claire’s law from my understanding is only when an individual has been charged & convicted of domestic abuse , if his never been charged it won’t show up as I used this on my ex partner and he had no previous. Personally I would not reach out to this girl , reason being he will say you still want him
      And are trying to cause trouble for him , your be labelled the crazy ex or vindictive even though you have this persons best interest at heart , it’s understandable you want to help her , but for you and you only , you need to put yourself first and be selfish unfortunately, you do not want any drama coming back on you , the best scenario for this girl would be to report it to the police , but it has to be her decision as you do not need or want this kind of thing coming back on you , these types of guys , abusers will twist it all and make you look the bad guy in this x

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