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My ex has contacted my previous partner, basically accusing me of everything he did. I have a restraining order but apparently this isn’t a breach as it was about me rather asking to pass a message onto me. I feel so angry at myself (I had been missing him, hopeful he may change). I feel terrified as to what he may try next or what is he trying to achieve? He plead guilty, it’s over now surely? His lack of insight / acknowledgment is utterly frightening. Even though I blocked him on social media, I’ve now deleted my account. It’s really triggered me – wondered if he was trying to goad me into contacting him?- there is no way I would. His smear campaign against me started before we split up. Just anxious & scared as to what he may try next..
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The abusers know that if they behave abnormally we will be affected and distressed. They know how to push our fear button. That’s what he’s done. You’ve done the best thing you by coming on here for support.
You’re feeling rotten because you’ve had indirect contact with him via your partner. You could tell your partner if your ex contacts him again he’s not to tell you. That way his lies about you won’t get into your head and you won’t be triggered.
Your ex knows it will get back to you and he knows you’ll be triggered and he’s delighted. Pathetic. But they do love their childish games.
Eventually he will give up if you block him on all levels and give him no reaction. He has to get his ‘fuel’ from someone so he’ll be forced to get another intimate partner. But they will always chance it to get a bit of ‘fuel’ if an opportunity arises. Its a fix to them and they are addicts. They are addicted to Power and Control so they have to feed their addiction. All we can do is keep well away from them and out of their radar so they can’t use us and our emotions for their fix.
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I’m going through the same thing. My ex is accusing me of some terrible things (most of which are what he’s done), including telling everyone the abusive party in our relationship was me. I’m lucky that he’s pretty much been vile to everyone so people see through it, but it’s very hurtful all the same. I always think though that when people bad mouth someone publicly, it says a lot more about them than the person they’re slagging off.
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Lover of no contact – thank you ♥️ You are right. Off social media now. As much as I worry his next supply, I also welcome her so the focus is off me.
Landy – everything he did to me, he’s saying I did. Projecting his guilt onto me. Realise now Every time he was verbal / physical he told his family / friends it was me, at the time I was keeping quiet, wanting to protect him (& shame). The level of manipulation and lack of insight – terrifying x -
Wow these creatures really are all the same same. Mine contacted my previous ex too and tried to make out I was mental unstable. He’s also contacted my new partners ex girlfriend. They have no shame what so ever. They don’t care cos again it’s feeding them,supplying their happiness. I felt the same as you and it did get worse he contacted my neighbour and she believed all his lies and turned on me also and I’m currently in refuge. You just need to stay strong come off all social media and report anything. My non molestation ends in a matter of weeks and I’m starting to feel petrified. I’m a very sensitive person and the mental abuse affects me terribly and he knows this. Just hope he’s moved on to his next supply. Your not alone. And anyone who is a true friend or family member will see through his lies. Xx
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You have completely summed up how I feel. I don’t think my abusive ex will ever give up. He is constantly finding out ways to further ingratiate himself with my family doing odd jobs etc and bad mouthing me to get sympathy. Over Christmas the story I was being told was that he was going with our children to my brothers for Christmas Day. Then three days before my brother asks what I’m doing… what? I tell him I’ve already made plans and he said he thought I was coming over to his. Well I have always worked on the assumption you have to be invited first. So I brought over the presents and then went on holiday. My ex brought our adult children to his g/friends for Christmas day and said he thought it was disgusting that I wasn’t there for them. It was him who had made them believe they were going to their Uncles. So it was a setup so that I’d be left alone on Christmas Day. I have bipolar disorder and have managed to work all my adult life. However, he has used this to cover his tracks, he literally has his own gold plated get out of jail card. During my last episode, after which he said I had accused all the males in my family of rape, I found myself further isolated. I know that I didn’t say these things, but he has used my eldest child who is now an adult to say that I did. He tried to come back to social services after an initial meeting to say that I had threatened suicide and the life of my child. Thankfully they saw through this telling him he should have brought this up at the previous meeting and dismissed it. Why did he do this because he wanted to have residency of the family home, after years away and have me committed permanently? So he took the children with him.
WomensAid have been amazing over the years as I keep having to come back as I no longer have any familial support, my Aunt has been a rock ,but there is only so much you can do. Just when I think he won’t sink any lower he does. He has told the courts that I have assaulted him that I spent uncontrollably so I was in debt and that I was delusional when I accused him of infidelity. Three blue tablets say otherwise. So here I am literally on my own, I see my children very rarely… parental alienation and I think I saw my mother 3 times last year. I no longer speak to my sister as she has been my exes confidant for years. I no longer want my brother coming round on some kind of duty call as again he passes information on to his wife who you’ve guessed it passes it on to my ex. People say there is no such thing as evil , but that has not been my experience. He scared the living daylights out of me by coming around to the house they day I returned from hospital and knocking on the door in a way that he never did and I swear using a completely different voice. I have been hospitalised because of him and nearly lost my leg. I know now that none of this was my fault. These guys are however, silver tongued and charm all around them who, let them tell heir tale. My resolution get everything tied up and then I’m off, where to I don’t know yet but, somewhere as far away from my birth family and that sorry excuse for a human being. -
Just wanted to send a message of support to all of you after reading the awful abuse you have gone through and still experiencing These men are so destructive and cruel.
All the years of suffering and I never realised there were so many of us going through such a similar thing until I found this forum.
Keep strong and keep posting x
Best wishes x*x
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