30th January 2016 at 4:42 pm #8637
It wasn’t in my best interests not to say no or lie to my abuser. Now it seems that I find it hard to say no to men in general, do any of you have this issue?
It work in my favour when I was upset and a male police officer ask if he ever abused me physically or sexually and it all feel out.
Today when I was shopping I had a coffee on my own, I was happy doing my own thing. A I left a man said he doesn’t normally do this sort of thing but would I go for coffee with him another day. I was very shocked to be asked, I felt like a rabbit caught in the head lights. As I tried to say thanks but no thanks he wanted to text me so I could text him. In the end I just wrote his number down, I mumble about not being in a good place, but I couldn’t say no.
I felt like I was doing so well and now see I have a long way to go.
30th January 2016 at 9:00 pm #8650StarmoonParticipant
Really don’t beat yourself up about this. I imagine you’re over thinking it because it’s a man and he asked you out. But You’re bound to feel a little on edge after going threw abuse and to be honest, it’s in most good peoples nature to be polite so you probably didn’t want to out and out say no because you thought it mite seem rude?! I think it’s a natural response to not want to shoot him down in public. X*x
30th January 2016 at 9:19 pm #8654
Thank you Starmoon, You summed up how I was feeling and I couldn’t vocalise. xx
30th January 2016 at 9:37 pm #8656
Yes a very similar thing happened to me a male neighbour was chatting to me
We have always said Hello and had a little chat
he has girlfriend and kids
So he said to me oh I will have to come around for a chat what’s your number ?
And I just stupidly got my phone out and he took it
I did not ask for his then said bye
Now I have been stressing as I did not want him to have my number or come to my house but I just did not know how to handle the situation
Big hugs xx
30th January 2016 at 10:16 pm #8659
Its very comforting knowing I’m not the only one feeling like this. Thing is they maybe genuine men but theres that n****e in the back of your head.
30th January 2016 at 10:42 pm #8663
I just wish I knew what I could of said instead of letting him have my number because I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to come to my house and his girlfriend might not be happy about it either …
now I am going to have to say something to him if he calls and I don’t know how to put him off with out him falling out with me
Did u like the look of the guy who asked you out for coffee ?
If someone asked me out for a coffee and I liked the look off him then I might be temped to go but how do you know if they are single or not even if they say they are ? I guess only time would tell .
31st January 2016 at 1:00 am #8676AyannaParticipant
I react very unfriendly. When they question me I quickly become angry and yell at them. When they talk back they will hear the worst swearwords. I see them as enemies.
31st January 2016 at 8:05 am #8681
Hi saving myself
If he does contact you by phone either ignore or say great when I see ur gf we will make a date.
Think it was just luck I had a pen and paper to hand so I wrote his down.
He seemed ok, not really attracted to anyone at this moment in time. He said he brought up his children on hos own. So is take it he is single.
But till my house sales in am starting with my abuser.
So I don’t think I would be considered another relationship to I am on my own.
Bit the poor man only ask me for a coffee and I am over thinking.
31st January 2016 at 8:09 am #8682
I feel cornered when they ask things of me. I used to be cross examined all the time.
Wish I could just say sod off.
31st January 2016 at 12:37 pm #8704
Thanks for advice and it’s a very good topic you brought up
I feel like a people pleaser
I don’t know his girlfriend I have just seen them together so I couldn’t really say that to him
Think I will ignore and then if or when I bump into him again just say I have not been about ?
But I wish I just knew how to have not given him my number in the first place
In a assertive but not rude way
Just will have to be more assertive
Hope your okay
Big hugs xx
31st January 2016 at 12:51 pm #8706
31st January 2016 at 12:57 pm #8707
Lol sent before I was ready 😁
Think we just have to have plans in place so we don’t go into panic mode.
I know that when a situation arises that out of my comfort zone I do.
Sure in time we will get better at this. Lol might be a one off being asked out.
31st January 2016 at 1:02 pm #8708
Yes exactly but you done really well you never gave your number out
I am very sure you will be asked out on lots more occasions
When you are ready
1st February 2016 at 11:11 am #8780Confused123Participant
Either ignore him, just say u to busy if he says want to come around, i chat to loads of guys now through dating sites, chat sites, i even take there no , have on few occassion given my no, but its all good experience as u realize how vunerable u r and u get experience from chatting to these guys,ive blocked one guy , chat to one who i will never go out with in fact with none of them cause they have all shown me red flags, and its brill when u can spot them, i was at point when i thought there were no decent guys out there, but there r, some of them r so out to use u, its about been able to see that which me stronger on my road of recovery, always be on guard of your safety , when i meet guys i end by saying how about u give me your no and if i want to call u i will, most of time they happy with that and if they dont accept well goodbye then
1st February 2016 at 10:06 pm #8843
Good advice Confused123.
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