Do you miss them?

[Butterfly3]

Now I’m finally serious about trying to get out and I’m taking steps though nothing is going my way. I’m starting to feel panic. I miss the old him so much. The one I fell in love with 😢 I know most of the time that part of him cant be real. He cant love me like i used to believe he did but that person in the early days was all my dreams come true and it destroys me thinking that I’ve wasted so many years. He was so kind and loving and romantic and thoughtful..more so than anyone else I’d been with. How can that person not be real. I know he’s not because that person wouldnt let me suffer like this. He wouldnt let me cry and it not affect him but how do you get over that person who was everything to you?

[KIP.]

Eventually you learn to accept the type of person he is. Parasitical. He finds a host and sucks them dry. Your demise makes him strong. He is simply not the same kind decent people we are. His aims are nasty and controlling and by acting like your soul mate, he hooks you in. It’s beyond devastating to realise the person you love is actually abusing you. You slowly recover from the hurt and recover from this, a very painful lesson that evil exists closer than we like to admit x hang in there and take baby steps.

[fizzylem]

You eventually start to see that those early days were an act, to reel you in, until he got his feet under the table so you would cook and care for him, make his life easier, cushioned, were someone he could dump his responsibilities onto and get sex from mostly when he wanted it. It’s callous and horrid isn’t it, a hard pill to swallow, but needed and so very helpful because it makes you tell yourself this will never happen to me again and you guard your self and your life against anyone with even a sniff of control in their behaviour. How you felt and your love was not the same and one x

[Escapee]

I’m in the slow process of healing. And as crazy and as self defeating as it is, yes you will miss him, and you’ll probably have to go through the grief for the loss of the relationship, even though it has left you feeling worn out and confused. But you have to allow yourself this time and process; even though he ended up showing himself to be an utter bas**””, there was also the side that kept you there.

You need to be kind to yourself, take baby steps and not be frustrated with yourself for mourning what you hoped could have been.

Remember the reasons why you had to go though, this will help break through the trauma bond and surround yourself with as much love and support as you can.

You will be ok and you will come through it.

Xxxx

[HunkyDory]

Yes. The false part he occasionally showed me. I miss the laughs. But it’s getting easier to see through it and I’m much happier alone. Xx

[Tiffany]

I like to think of abusers as vampires (actually I can’t read books about vampires because they remind me too much of abuse) where they have this kind of glamour that sucks people in. They can appear charming or beautiful or sexy or fun, but ultimately they are dangerous predators. We have to do all in our power to see through that glamour to the true monster beneath. I also found it helpful to be angry with him (and I am still furious with all writers and TV producers who glamourise vampires) because he was so duplicitous, so deceitful, making me fall in love with this wonderful kind person, so he could then suck out my soul without me ever suspecting.

[Yellowflower]

Sometimes honestly yes I do… I miss him being their with our family. Bring a couple and sharing the joy in our children’s milestones and celebrations… then I removed the drama and arguments he would cause before them. I remember the screaming and shouting at me and then turning it off as soon as someone was around. So instead I take a deep breath and enjoy the moment knowing I’m free and that no one will ruin or take them moments away from me. X

[Lettitgo]

They are very clever I thought mine was the best thing ever when we got together, and it would be forever! Then i realised i was being moulded into what he wanted and when I stood up to it (many years later) the person became totally different. The Sad truth is that person never existed, but hed learned how to manipulate and control to get what he wanted!! Honestly I miss some of the good times we had and I miss having someone to share my life with, but I do not miss how he manipulated me and made me feel…selfish guilty useless….you lose yourself when you try and hold on to someone who doesn’t care about you

[diymum@1]

I’m out a long time now and I don’t miss him – I don’t miss his antics and the way he made me feel. This sounds harsh but I won’t be at his funeral and I hope I never see him again. I don’t care who he’s with or what he’s doing and it feels empowering to know that. I’ve cut him out completely somewhere in my mind. He wasn’t good enough for us x. I see him now as nothing 💕🕊

[KIP.]

I think what we miss is a caring partner. Someone to share our life with. We miss that more than we miss the evil person who filled that role briefly x

[Iwantmeback]

In a word no. Of course I miss the company and fun times but the nasty spiteful vindictive man he is reminds me why I left. I sometimes think he’s changed then I catch that thought and dismiss it jyst as quickly. I used to be besotted with him, actually said I felt as if I was addicted to him. That has gone, not just turned off but slowly eradicated over the years. For the moment I do on occasions spend some time with him, haven’t quite managed to break away totally but I’m getting there. When that day comes I won’t look back.

[Author]

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