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    • #64106
      feelingnumb
      Participant

      Things have been up and down for so long. Together not together, a year of mental torture and emotional abuse. I always give him the benefit of the doubt and go back only to be let down again and again. He still turns everything round on me and I really feel like he’s trying to push me away all the time. (detail removed by moderator)  I’ve said nope enough is enough. I’ve blocked him and he emails me or constantly tries to phone me from a withheld number. He’s accusing me of cheating all the time now which I’m not and I keep getting idle threats all the time too, he will destroy me at work, ruin my name, acting like a desperate man. Sends me a staged photo of him dressed up to go out but will cancel his plans if I go see him cause that’s how important I am to him. I know his actions are not rationale or normal, I just want to know is it possible he’s acting so desperately cause he does love me or is this purely because he is losing control of me? I think I know the answer but I doubt myself all the time now cause my confidence is non existent now and I’m in such a low place. Xx

    • #64107
      survivorandproud
      Participant

      Hi feelingnumb,

      I can categorically tell you he is doing this as he thinks he is losing you. Typically, when an abuser has abused, they will go through a honeymoon period of being sorry and wanting us back. When we begin to pull away, after they have abused, they will be very sorry and seek our forgiveness. Some of my ex’s favourite phrases were ‘I promise next time I’ll be different’ ‘I won’t do it ever again I promise’ ‘I’ll get help’ or ‘You know I only do this because I love you’. Probably you have heard similar phrases. Remember, this is not a genuine apology, it is their way of getting us back as they have made us very naive and vulnerable. It is very difficult to put yourself in the mind of an abuser, especially when it is someone you’re in a relationship with. As soon as you forgive these men, it will take a matter of weeks, days, hours before they abuse again. Every time you go back it is validation in their eyes that they can take their abuse one step further. Everything is about power and control. It is a very difficult position to be in and you’ll be feeling many different emotions. Speak to the helpline or someone you trust and make your steps to getting out. I am sorry to say it will not get better. Put yourself first and remember how strong you are. Do not let this ruin your life. You are so strong x

    • #64108
      KIP.
      Participant

      Love does not hurt us. If he truly loved you he would never have abused you and treated you badly to begin with. Ring the police and report his harassment. He won’t listen to you but a police caution may deter him from further contact.

    • #64136
      feelingnumb
      Participant

      I haven’t heard from him since (detail removed by moderator). He started posting things on my Facebook which he has never done before (detail removed by moderator)I just deleted them then deactivated my account. I find myself today continuously looking at my phone to see if he has been in touch cause there is never a day goes by when he doesn’t get in touch whether it be nice stuff or abusive stuff. I feel totally conditioned by him if that makes sense?? I’m not in unblocking him, he knows the only way he can get through to me is by email or withholding his number. It feels horrible that I actually feel sad that I’ve not heard from him, I just need to keep reading back through all the horrific messages he has sent me to remind myself this is not a relationship you should be in. For the past (detail removed by moderator) my life evolved solely round him when I’m not with my kids so I just have this feeling of emptiness at the moment. I really hope this feeling starts to go away soon.

    • #64147
      feelingnumb
      Participant

      He’s back in touch again with the emails (detail removed by moderator)? I hate self doubt I really hate it!! And I really resent him for making me feel this way about myself and for lowering my self confidence to nothing! Xx

    • #64148
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      So what if he did?

      Who does that? Gets aal dressed up and then just truns up in a cab expecting you t be ready, and wanting, to go out with him?? Without even asking. Who does that, wel I suppose he might (because he’s abusive), but others don’t, and if they did they they wouldn’t have any expectation that you’d be free or want to join!

      They certainly wouldn’t then start sending pics of themselves ‘dressed up’ bleating look what I did for you.

      No you didn’t do it for you, you did it for yourself like everything else you do, its for you.

      You do not have to feel bad about this, you wouldn’t do this to someone would you?
      You can see his tactics and that’s who he is..just block him every way you can!

      Warmest wishes ts

    • #64168
      feelingnumb
      Participant

      I don’t believe for one minute he turned up here, another one of his idle threats. I do think though he purposely got dressed up and got someone to take a photo to make it look like he was going out. I just wish things were normal cause when it’s good it’s great, we have so much fun together. But the bad times are outweighing the good days now, and it makes me really sad cause I I’ve been so blinkered for so long and let someone treat me like utter s**t for so long. I truly believed he loved and adored me and really saw myself growing old with him and had so many plans in my head. Just makes me sad that he has ruined all of that. Xx

    • #64219
      survivorandproud
      Participant

      Just remember that a life time with someone like him is a waste of your life. Focus on yourself, love yourself again. You have to keep him blocked off everything, anything more and contact the police. Just remember his sole purpose in your relationship is to control you. Sending love X

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