1st October 2023 at 1:07 am #162087DiamondshineParticipant
So.. slightly different situation here.
This week I realised that an incident that occured with my then boyfriend a few years ago, that I’d thought was consensual, actually wasn’t. It feels like it just happened. I was in his flat and as soon as he started, I froze, flopped, whatever you call it, I let him do whatever and I feel so guilty – not full rape but… enough. I’ve almost got as far as letting myself call it sexual assault, maybe abuse, but it still doesn’t really feel like it counts.
It’s now been suggested that it was domestic abuse too, because he was my boyfriend, it was in his home, I couldn’t leave after the first time because didn’t know where I was abd didn’t feel safe walking around on my own in the city, he said it was “too early” and so it happened again. And agay. I don’t know how many times.
Also, it hasn’t happened multiple times over weeks months years, like you ladies have to deal with. Other than that one night, I wasn’t/am not trapped in that relationship. How can it count as domestic abuse?
I’m sorry to be stupid about this, it’s all a bit new to me. Would really value some opinions/help/reeassurances xx
6th October 2023 at 5:26 pm #162192LisaMain Moderator
I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through, this sounds like a really traumatic experience and it’s good that you have felt able to share and begin to talk about what’s happening.
Sexual abuse is often part of a bigger picture of domestic abuse.
Domestic abuse is a term used to describe a whole range of behaviours used to control, manipulate, dis-empower and coerce someone within an intimate or family type relationship.
Sexual abuse may be an element of abusive behaviour within an established relationship, it’s not particularly common for sexual abuse to occur in an otherwise ‘healthy’ relationship. So yes, sexual assault or abuse within a relationship would be a form of domestic abuse.
I hope this makes sense.
Take care and keep posting,
6th October 2023 at 10:25 pm #162196GlasshalfParticipant
I don’t think i can answer your question about abuse apart from say that i heard once in a podcast that if youre wondering if its abuse, then it very likely is. Women’s aid will be able to discuss this with you and i hope provide some resources.
I wanted to say that the sexual assult you describe sounds incredibly traumatic (and yes to me you have described sexual assault even if that may be hard to say).
I see you mentioned you feel guilty and i really want to say that in no way should you be feeling guilty about this (i know we can’t help our feelings but you have done nothing wrong). This is not your fault. Please be kind to yourself.
It’s really good that you are here. The community is very supportive.
Take care. X*x
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