This topic contains 13 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  BraveStrongSmart 2 days, 13 hours ago.

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  • #99814
     BraveStrongSmart 
    Participant

    I recently left my abusive boyfriend and moved back home with my family.
    I knew him for many years and made the decision to move in with him…but once I did everything went downhill, as he started to abuse me. He abused alcohol and drugs. He would get angry at the smallest of things and start an argument which would always be my fault!
    He would control who I spoke to and what I said and even checked my phone. He accused me of cheating when I never had. He physically abused me on numerous occasions and the police had to get involved.

    I finally made the decision to leave him and he harassed me- sent me a million messages threatening to kill me, he stole my car and committed fraud using my details.
    I cannot sleep without thinking he will come back for me. I get so anxious around anyone or being outside. I feel trapped and so depressed…

    Does it get better?

  • #99815
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Yes it absolutely does get better. You need to build a support network that includes the police, your family, fellow survivors (on here), your GP, a therapist and be very kind to yourself. Read about abuse and the effects, you’re not alone. Have you read Living with the Dominator? It’s a good book to start with. Get support from women’s aid and also victim support. I was once so broken too but I’m stronger now and wiser. We move in from these men but we are left with terrible trauma and that takes time to recover from. Healing from Hidden Abuse is also a good book. Given time and zero contact the future is bright for you. You were great before him and you will be great again ✊

  • #99816
     BraveStrongSmart 
    Participant

    Thanks KIP!
    I have a small support network going on and I’m trying to take one day at a time.
    I will look into those books so thank you!
    And I’ve been reading some of the posts on women’s aid and it’s helped me realise I am not the only one suffering and alone anymore.
    It will take time but I hope I can come out a lot stronger than how I feel now.

  • #99831
     Mimosa 
    Participant

    Hello

    It does feel like it will never get better, but it does and then out of nowhere it feels like it won’t ever again and then it does and each time the feeling that things could actually one day be ok lasts a little bit longer. I’m not there yet but if I look back a few months, weeks, days or hours even I am moving forward, I am healing. Keep going! We all know your pain and how tiring it can all be. Healing takes time. I learned that from KIP and all the other lovely ladies sharing their journeys. I still find it hard, but even if I have to crawl I push myself to keep going. Sometimes the mental and emotional pain literally hurts so much though.

    Be kind to yourself. You have been through something that no-one should have to endure and I’m sending love to anyone who is not able to get free right now.

    Every second of every day that you get through is a triumphant step. There, we just did a few more!!

    Much love
    Mimosa

  • #99840
     BraveStrongSmart 
    Participant

    Thanks mimosa!
    I get ok days and extremely bad days, but right now it’s been my very first good day and I am well proud of myself. Even if it was just getting Ready for the day and baking some chocolate brownies.
    I noticed it’s the littlest things that can really help us move forwards into a better day!

    I’m sending love and positive energy to everyone who’s been through this and especially the ones that are still fighting their way out of it.

  • #99860
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Keep a journal and write down all those positive experiences. I also screen shot the post on here that inspired me. Have a mantra. I used It can choose how an feel and today I choose 😃 happy’. Gather lots of pillows and cushions and hug them. Trauma victims are often given pillows to hug and there are trauma teddies for children. Hugging is good and releases feel good hormones. Write down three things each day you’re grateful for. This will keep your mind in a positive frame. Be very kind to yourself and take baby steps. Doing too much will fail and when we fail we go back to despair. Hang in there. It will get better. Eighteen months from now you will have moved on, things will be positive and you’re recovery will be great meanwhile he will still be a selfish nasty self serving abuser of women. We can recover and improve and learn but they never do x we are everything without them, they are nothing without us x

  • #99893
     BraveStrongSmart 
    Participant

    I think I am just experiencing really bad days more than the good… just feel really low and moody today! Done nothing but cause arguments with everyone… family especially as they do not understand how I am feeling.
    Hope it gets better!

  • #99894
     Cecile 
    Participant

    Hi you will find a lot of empathy on this forum. And everyone either felt like this or is doing so today. I am pretty wound up and depressed today myself, but it will pass. You must be kind to yourself and accept that it’s ok to have negative thoughts and feelings after the trauma you experienced. Keep a journal.if you don’t like writing use pictures. It can really help, especially in a few months you may want to see if you have made any changes internally, or have repressed memories of the abuse and need to see what you recorded.(I had to do that for a police statement as my mind had wiped the bad memories away). Keep posting! I hope you feel better soon…..

  • #99910
     HopeLifeJoy 
    Participant

    Journaling or keeping record of your activities. I record shortly my days on an agenda, i like to write when I achieved something, even if it’s just doing some admin, or doing some exercice, that all goes in there, when I have a down day time seems to slow down massively and when I think of breathing again, I see that only one day has passed and that I’ve actually accomplished more than I thought that week.
    The advice about pillow and teddy works wonders for me, a lovely blanket too, anything to make yourself feel comfortable.
    Above all be kind to yourself, it’s okay to cry, be down, be angry. Give yourself permission to feel what you have to feel. You had to suppress your emotions for such long time, it all comes out now, it’s overwhelming but you’re safe to let it out. Just hold on to something that makes you feel safe. Choose a metaphorical safety blanket.
    It will get better honey. Take some deep breaths regularly that helps too.
    Sending you hugs 💕

  • #99913
     Headspinning 
    Participant

    I’m not long out and my emotions have been up and down like a yo yo.
    I’ve flinched at every creak, jumped at every car light, heart jumped at every phone notification. I’ve felt elated to the extreme then I’ve cried myself to sleep. That is when I can sleep.

    But trusting it will get better helps. Spending time with people who understand helps. Having a laugh with my kids helps. Doing something I couldn’t easily do Wien he was here helps.

    Slowly I’m getting confident that there is a better life for me. Actually – I am even seeing benefit in the timing of Corona – I have no choice but to simplify my life, enjoy a walk for the pleasure it is, appreciate nature. And I am so so grateful that I got out before lockdown.

    I honestly believe it does get better. X

  • #99922
     BraveStrongSmart 
    Participant

    Thanks for all your wishes. And yeah I am grateful for corona and being locked down at home and not with HIM!

    My emotions seem to be up and down too. I flinch when anyone comes near me or touches me even if it’s out of love from family… I jump at every noise around me and panic at every person or vehicle which goes passed my house.
    I’ve felt so overwhelmed at night that I don’t even sleep unless I take sleeping tablets!

    I will start a journal and write each day’s achievements down to help my mental state.
    Just feel so overwhelmed with everything!

    Hope I get some more good days!

    Sending hugs and love to you all 💕

  • #100055
     BraveStrongSmart 
    Participant

    So, today was an okay day…
    I tried sleeping in till the afternoon, actually got up showered and dressed, made myself breakfast and even baked banana bread.
    I call today as an ‘okay’ day because I was able to do something for me.
    Not for anyone else.

    Yet I still have my panic attacks, my anxiety kicks in to the max and I still feel nervous being around people.

    Need to remember that it will take small baby steps to recovery! Even started my own thoughts and feelings journal! Thanks ladies for recommending it too… it has helped see what days are okay, bad or even good!

    Its okay to have an ‘okay’ day! Love to all xx

  • #100360
     bravelassie 
    Participant

    Hi Bravestrongsmart
    After 30 years of it, yes it does get better.But you need to be patient with yourself because a lot of damage has been done.big big hugsxxxxxxxx

  • #100380
     BraveStrongSmart 
    Participant

    Thanks bravelassie! I just need to take time and each day as it is to recover. Thanks for the love x*x

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