Does the damage ever really heal?

[Canon]

Hi,

It’s been a long time since I’ve been on here. Just read some of my old posts & can’t believe how different things are for me now compared to back then. Things are a lot better. Im still single (and happy to be! ) I finally feel really free because of how much better life is, myself & my children have moved foward so much.

We still have a way to go but overall, everyone is much better & beginning to thrive again.

I’ve been on a weired journey this last couple of years. Done a lot of self discovery & faced a few demons. Very up & down. But mostly good. Until tonight.

I’ve felt really triggered today. I had PTSD and tbh, thought it had gone. But now I’m not sure. I just had a major bad flashback & panic attack tonight. First one in what feels like a couple of years.

It was the day I made my ex leave. I won’t go into details but it feels like it’s just happened. That sickness fear, the breathlessness that I felt. Every detail relived and I’m struggling to catch my breath or stop crying as I’m writing this. Its
I thought I’d dealt with it all.
Life’s been really good and then all of a sudden – bam, I’m back here reliving it. I’m pretty sure I know what’s triggered it & I’m finding it hard to figure out how to manage that trigger in the future ( I say ‘manage’ but I guess I mean completely avoiding that trigger again!).

This has just left me feeling really c**p. It’s opened up so many old wounds that I thought had healed. Now I’m wondering if we ever do really heal fully?

[Anonymous]

Hi there same happened to me tonight , had been doing really well , zero contact ,few months now , getting on well tbh with everything in my life and something someone did today triggered me and I had a very emotional night , something I hadn’t had for over a year , I too thought I was over the worst & yet found myself relieving the whole relationship back to my friend yet again. Feeling very sad & used about it all . Yes I’m happy I’m not with my ex anymore, but why do we have these flashbacks, triggers ? Shouldn’t it be easier by now ?

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Canon

So sorry you’re experiencing this, now, after such a long break. You could always have a short stretch of therapy sessions to manage it, if you felt that would help? Or to manage it your own way, whatever that could be for you. Certainly writing it on here will help you process what you are still going through.

I don’t know with PTSD, you’d have to ask a qualified professional with expertise in the field, but I do very much get the impression its a condition that gets ‘managed’ rather than goes away altogether. That you learn lots of ways of managing the symptoms, but sometimes they are worse than other, depending on triggers. There’s layers of it isn’t there, so it may be that many of the triggers calm and subside and others take longer, are deeper. Much of it has hope to be resolved though I do believe.

The initial shock that you have just had though is bound to feeling very derailing, but I would try to rest up and take things easy for a few days, do some extra special things to be gentle on yourself and take yourself away to other more pleasant distractions, then see how you feel in a few days… see if it has started to settle, but it could be worth your while having a catch up with your GP? Sending you peace.

warmest wishes

ts

[Pinkvelvet]

I came here to make a post about this and it’s encouraging to hear that for the most part you feel like you’ve been able to move on and progress, and actually have something to compare that progress to, which is great.

I think it’s normal to have triggers and things that may sometimes affect you. You’ve been through trauma and pain. I’m not sure it’s so much about healing, but about dealing with and managing emotions in response to memories and feelings that were once a threat. It’s a biological response to fear and something that once was a threat to our survival and happiness.

Don’t be hard on yourself for being impacted by a trigger or something that has re-sparked a painful memory. You are human. Let yourself cry because thats how your brain is enabling you to cope and get through this moment. Remember how far you’ve come and this is just a blip in your progress. I’m not sure whether we ever fully heal as such, I guess that depends on how deep the trauma was. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe having these responses to a bad memory is our brains way of keeping us safe. It feels s**t for sure, but normal.

I think we’d be really lucky to get through life without any pain. No matter where the source comes from and how it originated. Doesn’t make it any less s**t, but your strength is in how you choose to respond to it.

Give yourself time to grieve and feel sad, and then remember how far you’ve come and celebrate yourself for getting there in the first place. I hope this helps 🙂

Sending love x

[Author]

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