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    • #128593
      Headspin
      Participant

      Doesn’t care where we are, who we’re with. He’s discussed private matters, put me down, shouted at and mocked me in front of people. It is so degrading and fills me with despair. Not as bad as he was, it used to be very regular. Occasionally though, he still loves to dig his claws in and if I have a panic attack, all the more for him to sneer at.

    • #128594
      Headspin
      Participant

      *an audience

    • #128612
      Cantmakedecisons
      Participant

      Oh yes! This was his favourite thing to do. It didn’t matter if it was in a group of friends or the supermarket, as long as the outcome was the same – humiliating me.

      I hope you’re ok? Hope your head up x

    • #128616
      littledove
      Participant

      Yes. My abuser used to love embarrassing me in public. And he used to mock me and put me down in front of my family and try pass it off as a laugh.
      He would cause scenes in public places and would humiliate me (especially in front of other men, due to jealousy).

      However, he would obviously keep his violent behaviours when we were in private behind closed doors.

      • #128628
        Headspin
        Participant

        Oh, a fellow sufferer of public humiliations 🙁
        Yes I’m ok thanks, I can stand up to him now but it’s a horrible way to carry on.

      • #128631
        Headspin
        Participant

        Littledove, your experience is actually quite triggering, I just don’t know what they get out of embarrassing and humiliating us in public. In front of family too. My siblings would stand up for me, but he is just so entitled and arrogant that nothing would p***k his conscience.

    • #128621
      KIP.
      Participant

      Yes but not in the beginning. He was very careful what he said to begin with but slowly the humiliation began. This is how they destroy your self esteem and confidence and then dominate x I suffered social anxiety because of him x

    • #128625
      gettingtired
      Participant

      No mine is covert so it will only be in subtle ways. He likes to play the perfect person to everyone else. He uses the threat of public humiliation to control me, so he might threaten to storm off from me or threaten to start shouting in a public place which he knows would really embarrass me x

      • #128629
        Headspin
        Participant

        Kip am sorry to hear that you have social anxiety because of his behaviour. I still remember the panic when he would raise his voice in the supermarket, pull things out of the trolley shouting that we didn’t need this or that. I often wonder what people must have thought, it’s so shaming.

      • #128630
        Headspin
        Participant

        The threat would keep you anxious and on edge. It’s so horrible.

      • #128632
        gettingtired
        Participant

        Yes it does. In all the years we’ve been together only one person has noticed it in public and said something. We were in a pub/restaurant and he was in a mood about something so was of course getting nasty and blaming me. He had to go back to the hotel we were staying in to get something but I think had raised his voice slightly before he went. An older man working in the restaurant came over when he had gone and asked if I was ok but of course I put on a smile and said I was. I’d be disgraced if I saw a man shouting at his partner in a supermarket but I guess there’s not really anything outsiders can do even if they do witness something x

      • #128770
        KIP.
        Participant

        Yes I can’t believe I lived that way now. I can see how his behaviour impacted me but at the time I was so confused and didn’t have the headspace to work it all out x

    • #128637
      marmot
      Participant

      Oh yes to this one. Not initially. He liked to keep up the perfect persona in public, but the mask slipped and slipped. He would scream, shout, swear and call me everything under the sun in the middle of the street, causing crowds to gather. He would have his fists at my face in the street whilst screaming whilst people came out of their houses. He cleared departments of stores when women backed away and fled when he stormed in raging because I had taken too long. He has stormed around hospital A and E swearing and abusing me cos I had dared to go there.
      I don’t think he necessarily liked an audience, I think he didn’t care. Any restraint had long since gone. The really interesting thing is that no one ever ever intervened, or asked if I was OK, or called the police. They watched or rushed away.
      Feeling bit depressed about it all today, the police are letting me down, it’s like wading through treacle to get anybody to listen. Anyway so sorry everyone has gone through such bad experiences.

      • #128646
        gettingtired
        Participant

        This really is terrible. I can only imagine the anxiety you would have experienced from him behaving this way. Mine has and can get very nasty when I spend too long in shops, hence why I usually on edge or conscious of the time I’m taking in case he gets angry x

    • #128644
      Headspin
      Participant

      Marmot, your experience is so extreme, I have no words other than I’m so sorry you went through this. You’re clearly still suffering the abuse even though you’re not together now. Do you think when people are observing abusive behaviour they don’t do anything because they’re afraid? Or maybe people think that somebody else must have telephoned the police. Yes maybe some abusers don’t care if there’s an audience or not, just as you say, there’s no restraint. Hope you will keep strong and that the support comes good.

    • #128647
      marmot
      Participant

      Thank you Head spin, you are such a nice person. No ongoing abuse here, am no contact. Its sorting out the police report of his previous behaviour that is currently demoralising me.
      Hope your situation improves for you.

    • #128768
      Auriel
      Participant

      Yeah some like an audience for a better effect it gives them a sadistic boost to their pathetic fake power attempts it’s like in the wild when a tiger trips up and toys with prey to show the others how to do it.its part of their dark triad traits .iv’e known a fair few who’ve done it and everyone has ended up leaving them.

      • #128946
        Headspin
        Participant

        Ah thanks Marmot, hope you’re doing ok.

      • #128947
        Headspin
        Participant

        Yes Auriel it is like a beast playing with it’s prey. Particularly when you’re aware of the consequences if you dare protest

    • #128949
      Auriel
      Participant

      Headspin, for sure , there’s predators in the jungle and human predators too we’ve all learned that the most horrible way, sending you love anyway ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💗

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