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Doesn’t care where we are, who we’re with. He’s discussed private matters, put me down, shouted at and mocked me in front of people. It is so degrading and fills me with despair. Not as bad as he was, it used to be very regular. Occasionally though, he still loves to dig his claws in and if I have a panic attack, all the more for him to sneer at.
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Yes. My abuser used to love embarrassing me in public. And he used to mock me and put me down in front of my family and try pass it off as a laugh.
He would cause scenes in public places and would humiliate me (especially in front of other men, due to jealousy).However, he would obviously keep his violent behaviours when we were in private behind closed doors.
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No mine is covert so it will only be in subtle ways. He likes to play the perfect person to everyone else. He uses the threat of public humiliation to control me, so he might threaten to storm off from me or threaten to start shouting in a public place which he knows would really embarrass me x
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Yes it does. In all the years we’ve been together only one person has noticed it in public and said something. We were in a pub/restaurant and he was in a mood about something so was of course getting nasty and blaming me. He had to go back to the hotel we were staying in to get something but I think had raised his voice slightly before he went. An older man working in the restaurant came over when he had gone and asked if I was ok but of course I put on a smile and said I was. I’d be disgraced if I saw a man shouting at his partner in a supermarket but I guess there’s not really anything outsiders can do even if they do witness something x
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Oh yes to this one. Not initially. He liked to keep up the perfect persona in public, but the mask slipped and slipped. He would scream, shout, swear and call me everything under the sun in the middle of the street, causing crowds to gather. He would have his fists at my face in the street whilst screaming whilst people came out of their houses. He cleared departments of stores when women backed away and fled when he stormed in raging because I had taken too long. He has stormed around hospital A and E swearing and abusing me cos I had dared to go there.
I don’t think he necessarily liked an audience, I think he didn’t care. Any restraint had long since gone. The really interesting thing is that no one ever ever intervened, or asked if I was OK, or called the police. They watched or rushed away.
Feeling bit depressed about it all today, the police are letting me down, it’s like wading through treacle to get anybody to listen. Anyway so sorry everyone has gone through such bad experiences. -
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Marmot, your experience is so extreme, I have no words other than I’m so sorry you went through this. You’re clearly still suffering the abuse even though you’re not together now. Do you think when people are observing abusive behaviour they don’t do anything because they’re afraid? Or maybe people think that somebody else must have telephoned the police. Yes maybe some abusers don’t care if there’s an audience or not, just as you say, there’s no restraint. Hope you will keep strong and that the support comes good.
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Thank you Head spin, you are such a nice person. No ongoing abuse here, am no contact. Its sorting out the police report of his previous behaviour that is currently demoralising me.
Hope your situation improves for you. -
Yeah some like an audience for a better effect it gives them a sadistic boost to their pathetic fake power attempts it’s like in the wild when a tiger trips up and toys with prey to show the others how to do it.its part of their dark triad traits .iv’e known a fair few who’ve done it and everyone has ended up leaving them.
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Headspin, for sure , there’s predators in the jungle and human predators too we’ve all learned that the most horrible way, sending you love anyway ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💗
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