This topic contains 6 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  lover of no contact 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #87788
     lover of no contact 
    Participant

    Hi ladies,

    I was wondering if you could share your experience around loss of your family home or loss of your home; or how you got to stay in the family home or home despite the odds. I can’t share too much at the moment but lets say it involves me facing the loss of the family home, having to move or maybe taking on a mountain of debt to keep a base for my just-adult children. Also I’m very attached to my family home so I need to hear your perspectives and experiences. It won’t be the end of the world I know, and I got the main thing that was so important to me which was 50% 0f the day -to -day care of my children despite leaving my abusive husband many years ago. He pulled out all the stops in court to get day-to-day care of my children. Thank God he didn’t succeed in court. But now I face this loss of my home or taking on a mountain of debt to keep it; which he orchestrated to have it this way.

    I would appreciate your experiences.

  • #87821
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Gosh, I think you will still be in shock from the experience. For me it was important I held onto the family home. I wasnt ready to relinquish it. Most people are in debt around their home and as long as the debt is managed I think staying were you are with continuity and without the stress of moving is a good idea at least until the kids move out. When they begin working I’d expect them to help with household bills. For me I don’t have any expensive hobbies or holidays. I enjoy my home and neighbours so I borrowed money from family to be repaid when I downsize. You could explore various options with a financial advisor x well done for getting through today x

  • #87857
     lover of no contact 
    Participant

    Thanks KIP for your reply and perspective; it has really confirmed my gut feeling that I should try to hold onto the family home and take on the mortgage debt. He’s prepared to walk away; he’s been setting himself up and squirreling money away as they do and he forced the bank to try repossess it by stopping payments completely and he’s made sure if we sell it would just cover the debt but no equity for me. Hopefully the court may let me take on the debt but at more reasonable payments. Thanks for reminding me that I could actually sell and downsize in a couple of years when my just adult children are older. It’s very uncertain for them to feel they won’t have a base; and he’s not saying anything about providing a base for them. I also could rent out rooms to students to help pay mortgage.

    If anyone else can relate to any of this I would appreciate hearing about it.

  • #87860
     KIP. 
    Participant

    It’s the mortgage company that will need to be persuaded but there are many different kinds of mortgage including interest only where you pay less each month but you don’t actually reduce your debt. It might be okay for a few years. I’ve settled into my new financial life. It’s amazing how you can cope when you have to. Air b&b. Students. I’m sure you will cope until either the kids work and contribute or leave home and you can look for something nice for yourself x my ex did the same with the money but he’s still a miserable git. All that money did nothing for him x

  • #87870
     lover of no contact 
    Participant

    Haha so true. We’ll get there in the end. I’m happy to go minimalist now so that helps too. I don’t need too much stuff. My freedom and a simple, peaceful life is enough. I’m the same I don’t have expensive hobbies and inexpensive holidays or weekend away is enough for me.

  • #87913
     Falling Skys 
    Participant

    After trying to sale the family home for numerous years my ex accepted a stupid offer, which I was able to match. Though he didn’t like it, in the end I bought him out.

    I gave it a deep clean, a lick of paint and sold it within a month. (making a profit, that paid for the moving costs and the solicitors fees for the divorce which seemed apt)

    I was pleased to live there for a while to put ghosts to rest, but I have a house that has no past.

    FS xx

  • #87971
     lover of no contact 
    Participant

    That was such a good move on your part FS. Well done. Thanks for sharing your experience. It all helps.

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